cover art or stills from movie big cheese award.

555: Shot with a camcorder and a budget of $50, the Koz family managed to release this unbelievably horrendous disaster on video by Slaughterhouse Entertainment. A demented lunatic dressed like a hippie stalks and kills young couples having sex. He then proceeds to fuck the dead chicks for kicks! Two cops together with a reporter try to figure out who the killer is, while he continues his barrage of carnage. Some down right hysterical special effects make this backyard disaster a comedy rather than a horror movie. In one scene, the killer has to jam his knife inside the girl's body about four or five times before the blood starts to flow. Super cheesy gore and lots of titties will please some, but otherwise stay away from this stinky turd. Would you believe I picked this one up in the bargain bin for five bucks, how fitting!

BASKET CASE: Frank Hennenlotter's classic tale of revenge. Deformed little chump that lives in a basket gets back at the people that surgically separated him from his brother. The two brothers Dwane and Belile find all the people involved in the operation, and do away with them in a ghastly fashion. When the normal brother Dwane finds a piece of ass, the little shit gets jealous and kills her (after she's dead, he decides to fuck her to!) At this point the relationship comes to an end, and the two of them go at it tooth and nail. The climax has both brothers falling out a window to the ground below where a crowd of spectators await their demise. Two unimpressive sequels followed. Brain Damage is another fine outing from Hennenlotter that really delivers.

BLOOD FREAK: Some hot looking Christian chick brings a biker (who looks like Elvis) back to her place intent on showing him the ways of the lord. Instead, her dope smoking slut sister manages to persuade him into smoking some super addictive pot, then fucks him. Later on, Elvis eats a turkey laced with an experimental drug that turns him into a giant turkey-man, addicted to the blood of drug addicts! Watch in amusement as he kills his victims, then drinks their blood to get his fix. One poor bastard gets his leg cut off with a buzz saw so turkey-man can drink from the flowing stump! Then he goes after the dealer who supplied the doap that he smoked earlier, and finds him trying to rape his babe. Now it's payback time for turkey-man. Hilarious sixties shit that will make you think twice about the effects of drugs, or make you want to smoke some before viewing this.

BLOODY MOON: Another bomb by Franco! Watch as an acid scarred pervert trys to rape a young girl, then kills her when she screams after seeing his disfigured face. After spending some time in a loony bin, he is released by his sister with whom he decides to stay with. She joins a school on a Spanish resort full of young pretty girls that are being stalked by a killer on the loose. Could it be the disfigured loser who's so desperate, he's fucking his sister, or is it the hunky macho man that are the girls get moist over? A murder mystery that is supposed to keep you on the edge of your seat, but instead will have you laughing your ass off!!! Franco manages to throw in some cool gore bits including a chick getting her head cut off with a huge saw. Overall, this flick is very boring and slow moving, but the cheesy music, gore and bad acting make it enjoyable. One thumb barely up. 

BURIAL GROUND: A group of people travel to a Scottish mansion (that's in Italy-go figure!) for a leisurely weekend, but things get out of hand when the dead start popping out of the ground in search of fresh flesh. A mother and her weird looking little boy (who is actually played by an adult man) are among the group. As if things weren't bad enough, the son starts kissing his mother on the lips, then hikes up her skirt and tries to finger her! He then reminisces about old times, and how nice it was to suck on mommy's tits. At this point mom has had enough, and slaps the little pervert, who then runs off crying. He later returns as a zombie child, and fulfills his wish to suck on mom's tit. I guess she felt bad about slapping the little shit, so mom pops out her boob for him to feast on, literally!!! With virtually no plot, Burial Ground manages to cram in as many zombies as possible in under 90 minutes. Complete with paper mache zombie heads that crumble apart like peanut briddle. My only complaint is the lighting, or lack of it. Almost every scene is dimly lit, making it hard to see what's going on. For a fun filled exercise in zombie gut-munching, Burial Ground delivers the goods.

CANNIBAL HOOKERS: One might think with a name so outrageous, it has to be some what entertaining right? WRONG! This shit-pile video production goes from bad to worse in a hurry. A couple of teenage girls who try to join a sorority must first get initiated by turning tricks for just one night. "Trix are for kids" blurts out one their geek friends who meet up with them while dressed like whores. As part of the initiation, they bring their tricks to an actual whore house, but are unaware of what's inside-bimbos with an appetite for flesh. More like zombies or vampires, each bitten victim turns into a blood thirsty lunatic. There is virtually no gore (unlike the picture on the video box), the naked chicks are pigs and the fact that it's shot on video just adds to the brutalness! Typical 80's shit that I remember watching as a youngin'-hard to believe how bad these videos age! 

CRAZY FAT ETHEL II: Hands down, this is the WORST movie ever made! Segments of "Criminally Insane" (the first part), combined with some shot-on-video footage that would make Bob Saget cringe, make up this disaster. See Ethel, 300 pounds of heavenly joy, go on a food binge, killing anyone who tries to stop her from eating. Ethel is sent to Bartholemew house where she is welcomed with open arms by Hope Bartholemew herself. Once Ethel's food intake is reduced, so is the population at Bartholemew house. Ethel will stop at nothing to feed her massive hunger. Watch as she bulldozes her way through the patients, eating everything in site. When I saw the video box that read "don't come between Ethel and a well stocked refrigerator", I knew this was going to be a dandy. Those of you who have seen this one will agree, they don't get any worse than this.

DEADBEAT AT DAWN: Goose, the leader of a gang called The Ravens decides to quit the street life and live in harmony with his true love. She ends up being beaten to death by a couple of goons from a rival gang named The Spiders. Goose decides to shack up with his crazy junkie father, and exact his revenge. He rejoins his old gang, who unite with the Spiders to pull off a major heist. Goose knows that the Spiders can't be trusted, but now that he's no longer the gang leader, nothing can be done. As expected, the Spiders betray the Ravens, and the two gangs end up having a huge rumble. Goose manages to grab the money and run, while being chased by an army of gang members equipped with guns and knives. This is one mean spirited seventies looking flick (actually made in the eighties) that really delivers the goods. Starring, directed, and screenplay by Jim Van Bebber. For more Bebber-fever, make sure to check out "My Sweet Satan" and "Mutilation Man".

DEMONS: A theater full of unsuspecting movie goers are transformed into hideous demons of the underworld! It all starts when a women in the lobby try's on the evil demons mask, and gets a cut on her face. After the movie starts playing, she runs to the washroom where the cut turns into a huge, throbbing boil that finally explodes into a shower of pus. She bites a friend, and so on , and so on...before you know it, half the theater is full of demons. Four teenagers try to escape the terror surrounding them, while some other hooligans seek refuge from the police inside the theater. The remaining people now realize that the movie itself is causing the demonism, so they must stop it at once. This flick is jam-packed with gore including eye gougings, throat rippings, torn off scalps and oozing sores. The Dolemite like pimp brings comic relief to this bloodbath with his over the top lines like, "everybody outa' ma way, holy shit, she's a friend o'mine!" Hats off to Lamberto Bava! I never get sick of this one.

EVIL CLUTCH: Another unoriginal gore drenched Italian production that blatantly rips off "The Evil Dead" in almost every aspect. Similar camera angles and shots, gore sequences and even half the name are stolen from the original Sam Raimi classic. A vacationing couple encounter trouble when they are chased by an evil woman that turns into a demon, and a zombie that pops out of the ground. Some crack-pot local warns them of the dangers surrounding their vacation spot, but they just ignore him thinking he is crazy. Now they are running for their lives, trying to escape the evil that awaits! Some rather comical gore scenes are about the only thing that save this Troma release from being a total disaster. Don't expect much, and you'll be happy.

FATAL EXPOSURE: Jack T. Rippington has one major problem, finding the perfect women to bear his baby boy (or so he hopes...). Being the great grandson of Jack the ripper, he must carry out the family tradition and make sure that the bloodline continues. Jack approaches various women and gives them a quick "do or die" quiz. "What do you think of blood, have you ever thought of killing anyone and what do you think about death and dying?" Of course he doesn't get the right answers, so the women must die! Being a photographer, he persuades women into posing for supposed fake murder photos, but he actually kills them while the camera captures every moment. Finally Jack meets a hot looking babe named Erica that comes up with the right answers, and she conveniently becomes pregnant with his child. Soon after she discovers Jack's dark secret but he keeps her captive to ensure the birth of his new born. Erica manages to escape, and now plots her revenge against the mad butcher!!! This unreleased slasher flick was done in 89' and has yet to be scooped by a distributor. It's too bad because this is a great little flick with heaps of gore and some nudity as well. Fatal Exposure is one of the first movies to be shot on video, but appears to be done on film. A process using different running times for frames per second was used to give it an actual film quality.

DR. BLACK MR. HYDE: Dr. Henry Pride (Bernie Casey) is doing research at a hospital to find a cure for cirrhosis of the liver. Convinced he's perfected the serum, Pride injects himself with a dose, and is transformed into a half human beast with white skin and super human strength! Watch as Hyde goes around town kickin' some major ass, ridin' the streets of hookers and pimps. The fight scenes are second to none! Hilarious dialogue and music just add to the fun. "Don't just stand there like a bunch of dumb asses, get him!" My favorite scene is when Hyde drives his car full speed towards some pimp who decides to pull out a knife and point it at the car for protection. For more great blaxploitation classics, check out Blackula, Blackenstein, and the films of Dolemite.

GORE GORE GIRLS: One of the few H.G. Lewis flick that I really enjoyed. An investigator is hired to find out who is killing strippers at a local club. As usual, there is plenty of cheap gore and bad acting, but what else would you expect from a H.G. Lewis flick? One poor girl has her ass beaten with a meat tenderizer, and another has her nipples cut off with scissors, causing a gusher of milk to come oozing out. You gotta give this guy credit for having the balls to release shit like this and Blood Feast in the 60's. Loved by some, hated by many, H.G. Lewis pioneered the gore movie, and paved the way for many horror films to follow. "2000 Maniacs", "Color Me Blood Red" and "Gruesome Twosome" are all lame in comparison to this one.

THE HEADLESS EYES: The box claims that it's "too gory for the silver screen", although I find it hard to believe this bomb ever made it theaters in the first place. A man who is caught breaking into a woman's house has his eye scooped out with a spoon. From this point forward, his new hobby is collecting woman's eyes. Awful 70's outing released on wizard video. This is one of those deceiving movies where the video box looks a whole lot better than the movie actually is. To make matters worse, the gory picture on the back of the box isn't even in the fuckin' movie! (supposedly an uncut version is available, but I wouldn't waste any time or money looking for it) Two thumbs way down.

KILLER NERD: Our story revolves around a young man by the name of Harold Kunckles. Harold's not like everyone else, he's what you might call a geek, or better yet a nerd! Poor Harold tries to fit in, but it just doesn't seem to work. He gets his hair done, buys some new cloths and even learns a few new lines from a tape he watches. After attending a bar, Harold meets a couple of girls that really dig him. The two chicks meet up with some hooligan friends to get doap, and it turns out they are the same guys that beat up poor Harold earlier on. Once again, Kunckles gets the snot beat out of him. Driven to the point of no return, Harold starts his crusade of carnage by offing all the people who made his life miserable. Aside from being SOV, this flick is surprisingly entertaining with a brilliant performance by Toby Radlolf. Two thumbs up for Killer Nerd. A sequel was made titled Bride of Killer Nerd, once again starring our main man Toby as the demented Kunckles. This time around he meets his true love while in church. The nerd couple are invited to a party where they are humiliated beyond belief by some cruel classmates. Now the two lovebirds go on a killing spree, getting revenge on the nasty teens who tormented them. Just as good, if not better than the first one. For fans of extremly low budget schlock. NERD, NERD, NERD, NERD, NERD.....

KUNG FU ZOMBIE: This ocean shores release is one worth seeking out. Smart ass son is pushed to the limit by his father who insists on training him until he drops. In an attempt to kill the young kung fu master, a bunch of stooges set up a trap, but it backfires and one of them is killed instead. A bumbling witch doctor performs a black magic ceremony, but brings back a kung-fu master by mistake. This is where it gets really crazy. One scene has a guy getting his head kicked off by the kung fu zombie, who then laps up the gusher from his spurting neck!!! The father is also killed and brought back as a zombie. Now the young kung-fu kid must destroy the kung-fu zombie in a duel where only one will survive! Goofball dubbing and three stooges antics make this kung fu outing a blast. Highly recommended cheese that's sure to please.

LAS VEGAS BLOODBATH: I can't help but love these turd fests no matter how hard I try! The killer (who looks like Jerry Sienfeld), goes ballistic after finding his wife in bed with another man. He shoots them both, then goes on a killing rampage in Las Vegas, starting with a hooker who's leg he ties to his car and drives away with! The girls of GLOW wrestling become his next victims, but after seeing how bad they act, it's kind of a good thing they all get butchered. There really isn't much to this movie, except for the outrageous gore scenes, including a pregnant woman who's fetus is ripped out of her stomach, and thrown against a wall. Available from Dead-Alive productions.

THE MUTILATOR: Unless you can find the unrated version, don't waste your time on this turd. Made in the mid 80's, the Mutilator was among hordes of slasher movies that cluttered video store shelves everywhere. A young boy who accidentally killed his mother with a shotgun is haunted with the dark memories of his past. Years later, his father invites him up to his cottage which needs to be winterized. A group of teens go up, and one by one they are killed off by the father. The son and his girlfriend are the last two left when they find out who the killer is. The only thing that separates this one from the rest is the gore! Some real moist kill scenes can be found including a young girl who gets a giant hook raked up her love hole! Other than that, the acting is lame, the characters and plot are so typical and nothing original was done to make this movie any good. Thank God a sequel was never done, although it's never too late...

(N-Z)