DAVID BARRON'S DAY JOB
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.
The first man, an engineer, had a dog-named " T-Square". The second man, an accountant, had a dog-named "Slide Rule". The third man, a chemist, had a dog called "Measure". The fourth person was simply a female postie with a dog. She did not tell the others who she was, or the dog's name.
To show off, the engineer called to his dog. " T-Square do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk took some paper, and a pen, then promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that this was pretty good, but the accountant said that his dog could do better.
He called his dog, and said, " Slide Rule, do your thing." Slide Rule went into the kitchen, and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that this was very good, but the chemist said that his dog could do better.
He called his dog, and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured in exactly 8 ounces, without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that this was a most excellent trick from a most excellent dog. They then turned to the postie, a CUPW(This term is explained below.)union member, and said, "What does your dog do?"
The CUPW sister stood up, and called to his dog. "Day Job, show them how it's done!"
Day Job jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, and fucked the other 3 dogs. He, then, claimed he'd injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance on the incident, put in a claim for Worker's Compensation, and went home on sick leave.
I guess, we all know whose dog was the best.
Please, tell me about your day job and your dream job. You can place a message for me on The Message Board .
David Barron(Day Job-Postal Worker) and(Evening Job-Screenwriter)
P.S. My "reel" job is working at Hotel California as head bottlewasher. My wife, Irene, is chief cook. Visit us sometime and see what's cooking at the "Hotel from the Great Beyond". As a public service, you can add your link here.
P.S. with B.S. CUPW is short for Canadian Union of Postal Workers (CUPW also means some babe with big hooters)
More P.S. This is a letter that my uncle Cod sent me from Newfoundland, Canada. I hope you enjoy it.
Dear Nephew,
I am writing slow because you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you visited. Your aunt read in the paper that most car accidents happen within 20 miles of home so we moved. I can't send you the address because the last newfie family that lived here took the number with them for their next house so wouldn't have to change their address.
This new place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it and pulled the chain. Lard dancin' mackerel, I haven't seen them since.
It snowed here only twice last week. Two days the first time, and four days the second time.
About the coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons on it, so we cut them off. I put them in the pockets, so you'll get them anyway.
We got the bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral--up she comes. A little help would be appreciated.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle.
Your uncle Duff fell in a whiskey vat. Some men tried pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Aunt Kitty is knitting you some socks. She would have sent them by now, but I told her you grew another foot since she saw you last, so she'll knit another sock.
How's the ice fishing down there? Have you caught any ice fish?
All the best,
Love from uncle and aunt Cod
I checked out your family photo album on the internet and boy do you and Irene look young. You seem to be aging in reverse. Whatever you're on, I'd like to get some it.
The Message Board of uncle and aunt Cod. Leave them a message.
Last revised: 03/12/02