Well, I've decided to try and force myself into adding something new almost daily, and since this is supposedly a page of "daily ponderings and other stuff" I'm hoping it works :-)
November 29th, 1999, 5:30 am
DAMN! I need to start actually sleeping at night instead of putzing around, lol. Let's see. Guess I'll make this a journal for today. Things I need to do. I nee to go to the bank cause the Gov't of Ontario wants it's money back starting December first, which, as we all know, is less than a day away now. I work tonight, 4:45 til 12:45 (unless we get done early, which is always a possibility). Tonight is repackaging 5" quiche. I think we are also bulk packaging tortiers in three packs for costco. Great fun eh?
I just got out of chat with someone I had never truly met before tonight. I had a fantastic talk with him. It's nice to get to know people, not having to worry about being judged on looks or voice or any other physical attributes which can lead to preconceptions. And the nicest thing is that he is no longer a complete and utter stranger, nor I to him. We each know about each other, and shared our thoughts on beauty. And now, I'm planning on sharing these thoughts with you (whether you'd like me to or not.... MWAHAHAHAHA.... my page, my choice).
When I flat out said I wasn't beautiful, he told me I was, for beauty is more than skin deep. This, I already know, is true, BUT, on the inside I also feel I am not beautiful. I tend to carry around a lot of emotional baggage, which he has not and likely will not see. But from what he had seen, heard of me, and knows of me from when we started talking, he said that I was a beautiful person. Now, if only society would start seeing the inner beauty in everyone instead of working through external and physical looks, the world just might be a bit of a better place...... just my ponderings.
November 30th, 1999........
Well, nothing new happened today. I ended up sleeping in BIG TIME, so I didn't get to the bank....... hope there's anough money in my account to cover my loan payment now, lol...... maybe if I leave it till friday the gov't won't be too pissed at me, LMAO! Yeah right, and a monkey just flew outta my ass!
Had a loooong night at work. I ache from head to toe, and am not looking forward to getting up outta my chair to crawl into bed. Got home around 12:30 (15 minutes early tonight.... WOO HOO!), came up and sat online for a few hours. Molested a webcam owner (Gregcam... link is found on my opening page).
I've thought of getting a cam, but then I think "my god, do I really want complete strangers to sit and watch me live my life?". Now of course, anyone who wants to watch my life has to have it pretty rough, LOL, for my life is sooooo dull.
I need to go to the dentist for my annual check up/sadist oral abuse. I don't understand how they can make a persons mouth ache and bleed and still find it in themselves to say it's normal. Normal my ass! My mouth does not bleed on a daily basis when I floss and brush. Though I'd like to know if someone's mouth does. So, if yer mouth bleeds on a daily basis, please write me and tell me all about it :-)
Well, it's 3 am (and baby I'm lonely...... ode to matchbox 20......... great group), and I NEED to get up and run my errands tomorrow. Looks like I'm going to be doing a huge adventure in driving a standard car. My poor baby has a blown valve, so I'm borrowing my sisters 87 nissan sentra (which is a standard.... I've only ever driven standard 3 times in my life.... the first time just about gave myself whiplash, LOL) to visit friends in Kitchener this weekend. Should make for a very interesting experience, hahaha. Work tomorrow night. Pecan tarts. Fun.
Hope anyone who reads this is found in good health. Ciao.....
December 1st, 1999
Where has the time gone? Just last year at this time I was busy studying for exams, stressing out completely as to where the future would lead me. I had no clue it was going to bring me where I am today ;-) It's all a giant learning experience, right?
Got a wonderful letter from an old friend. Our lives don't allow us to keep as closely in touch as we once were, but it's nice to be able to catch each other the odd time. I met him in the beginning of my internet chat career. My first chatroom.... wow.... pathfinders........ complete craziness, lol. I got addicted, completely hooked. I'd sneak online in the middle of the night to just sit and joke around with folks all night. I've fallen out of touch with most that I met through there. PF was closed down due to time-warner cut backs. They've tried to keep everyone in touch, but I've moved on. I'm glad I keep in touch with some, glad I fell out of touch with some.
Chatting can be a wonderful way for shy people to come out of their shells, but it can also be a completely seperate lifestyle that people tend to hide in. At the site I chat at now, I was talking to a person tonight who has just gotten themselves their first computer, and is finding themselves very addicted to chat. They log on early in the evening, and stay on all night if possible. My mother is also like this, and I once, for a short period of time, found myself doing the exact same thing. It's hard, because there is always someone with an open ear willing to listen to whatever you have to say. I guess the trick is to balance reality with virtual-reality. It can be one of the hardest things in life to do.
On to reality. Work tonight was the same as always. Machines that don't want to run properly, people becoming very short tempered very fast. I realize that when things don't run the way they are supposed to it can get extremely frustrating, but only when you lose control of yourself. And once you've lost the control it's damn near impossible to get it back. It makes everyones' lives harder when you can't take everything one step at a time, and I've discovered that you lose respect from your co-workers when you start down that road. Maybe we should be putting ourselves in the shoes of those around us before we start freaking out about it all. Realize that what's going wrong for you is going wrong for everyone else at the saem time in some way.
My computer is literally groaning at me right now. Me thinks my cpu fan is about to bite the big one. I guess leaving my computer on 24-7 for the past year and a bit hasn't been the best thing for my baby. Sheesh.... first my car, now my computer......... before you know it the fault line under my house is gonna open up and swallow all this mess, lol. My plans for going away this weekend have crashed (story of my life). The good news is it means I can pick up a few extra shifts this weekend..... the bad news is.... I can pick up a few extra shifts at work this weekend, lol. Oh well.... I've been taking it quasi easy for the past few weeks... a nice round paycheck might just brighten my spirits a little :-)
Christmas is coming..... Have you started your christmas shopping yet? LOL! I haven't. I know what I'm getting my brother (he knows too.... treating him to a leafs game), but as for everyone else, I have not a clue...... it's getting hard to afford interesting gifts that people don't have yet that they'll enjoy. Any suggestions on interesting and unique gifts are gladly welcomed :-)
I'm off to bed.... sweet dreams and safe travels to all who stumble upon these pages......
December 5th, 1999
Well, today we are decorating for christmas here. It's strange, I haven't started my shopping or anything yet, and I'm just not feeling christmasy this year. I'm sitting here with santa hat upon my head wondering why a season that usually brings me great joy is doing nothing for me this year. Maybe it's because it's very dismal out today... who knows.....
My computer is kinda fixed. It's my cpu fan, and my brother cleaned it, so I'm hoping it'll keep working for a while. I'm hoping santa will bring me a 13 gig hard drive this year, though I know he won't.
I'm going to add more later, but for now, I have decorating to do. Here's a very touching poem I came across in my a chat forum I go to. It touched my heart very deeply, and I hope it does the same for you.
Snowflakes softly falling
Upon your window they play
Your blankets snug around you,
Into sleep you drift away.
I bend to gently kiss you,
when I see that on the floor
there's a letter, neatly written
I wonder who it's for.
I quietly unfold it
making sure you're still asleep,
It's a Christmas list for Santa
one my heart will always keep.
It started just as always
with the toys seen on TV,
A new watch for your father
and a winter coat for me.
But as my eyes read on
I could see that deep inside
there were many things you wished for
that your loving heart would hide.
You asked if you friend Molly
could have another Dad;
It seems her father hits her
and it makes you very sad.
Then you asked dear Santa
if the neighbors down the street
Could find a job, that he might have
some food, and clothes, and heat.
You saw a family on the news
whose house had blown away,
"Dear Santa, send them just one thing,
a place where they can stay."
"And Santa, those four cookies that
I left you for a treat,
Could you take them to the children
who have nothing else to eat."
"Do you know that little bear I have
the one I love so dear?
I'm leaving it for you to take
to Africa this year".
"And as you fly your reindeer
on this night of Jesus' birth,
Could your magic bring to everyone
goodwill and peace on earth".
"There's one last thing before you go,
so grateful I would be,
If you'd smile at Baby Jesus
in the manger by our tree."
I pulled the letter close to me'
I felt it melt my heart.
Those tiny hands had written
what no other could impart.
"And a little child shall lead them,"
was whispered in my ear
As I watched you sleep on Christmas Eve
while Santa Claus was here.
(Author Unknown)
K, I'm back again. House is starting too look a little more christmasy now. I can't wait to get the tree, so it'll start to smell like christmas as well. I must admit, Christmas is my favourite season of the year. I disapprove of the extreme hype built up to get that special person that extremely expensive gift they truly have few uses for. But I love the look on everyone's faces when they open a gift..... something they never expected. It doesn't have to cost thousands of dollars. Just a gift that they didn't have to work hard and save money for.
I hate shopping for myself. I can't stand being harrassed by people working for their commissions (I know they need to, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it). But for some reason during christmas I can't shop enough. I see things and think "wow, so and so would love one of those...." and before I know it another paycheck is gone. Crazy eh?
This year I'm holding an annual dinner my friends and I do. We all get dressed up and have a nice, formal, sit down dinner. It's something we all look forward to because with school it's hard to get everyone together in a large group for a period of time. I started writing out my cards for everyone today, and I realized just how special all my friends are to me. I know I realize how wonderful they are whenever I see them, but for some reason I found myself reminding them just how wonderful they are. Maybe it's because it's the end of the 1900's, maybe it's because starting a new millenium is feeling like an all new beginning, or maybe I'm just a huge sap at heart. who knows :-)
Well, I work in less than 5 hours and need to get some sleep. Remember to show your love of family and friends in more than a gift this season, and every day. Remind them how wonderful they are, even if they get on your nerves from time to time. Think of who and what you would be without them :-)
Take care all.... ciao
December 6th, 1999....
Not much happened today. Went to work. Came home. had a short nap after dinner, and haven't really done much since. Can't think of anything much to say in here, so I won't say anything at all, lol.
Hope everyone else's days were a tad more exciting than mine.
Ciao
December 7th, 1999
Today I am feeling anally raped by society. I'm good at my job. I pick up tasks quickly and efficiently. And yet, the company can't hire me on because it's seasonal employment. This has me hating life. Life revolves around money, money around work, work which i'm good at but layoffs still happen. *sigh* what can you do when you livein a shoe? Move to a boot and get laced! Hahahaha!
I'm in this mood because of work today. One of the ladies that got hired on, a very nice lady, very sweet, always happy, always trying her hardest to make sure she does well. Only problem is small things throw her off. Today she was upset because apprently other ladies were coming down on her because of her speed. I tried to get her to relax, and she snapped at me. She didn't realize her getting upset over everything just made it all worse. I suggested something and she made it sound like I was ordering her around. I dunno, I try not to take my shit out on the world, and would appreciate others being respectful in that sense as well.
Snapped at mom tonight. She got home from work and said "ready to go get the tree?" to which I said "that's not till tomorrow" and proceeded to lie down on the couch for a nap. She wanted to go today though, and I said (as I started to get upset) that I had a headache and just wanted to have a nap. Than she started at me about napping on the couch because "we might get company and I don't want you asleep on the couch if we do". Now, let me state for the record, it is beyond rare to get people just stopping by. So, now very upset that she couldn't just let me sleep, I headed for my room, to be awoken 2 hours later by the phone. Mother had locked herself out of the house and needed me to go open the door for her.
I guess to sum it all up I just had a bad day.
If you have comments or suggestions, email me at msknight@idirect.ca
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