What's he on about now?

In case the articles, essays and opinions throughtout this site just weren't enough for you, here's my online diary (a.k.a. 'blog'). It's as close as you'll come to the inside of my head, so don't say I didn't warn you
(and remember, you can always e-mail me if you love or loathe anything you're about to read)...


   Thursday, July 18, 2002

FATHER'S DAY

Had a lengthy phone chat with my father this afternoon, following a much briefer one yesterday, and feel much better. While he still regrets that I felt forced to leave home at 19, thereby making life a lot more difficult for myself, he doesn't think that I've wasted my life or become a failure or anything of the stuff I was hearing earlier this week. While I can't picture him bragging about his gay pub bouncer/writer son at Italian-Catholic family gatherings, I'm relieved nevertheless that he's on my side.

The only sad part is that he has any regrets at all. Moving away from home when I did was a bone-headed thing to do but necessary at the time. I learned a lot and I'm not sorry I left. My staying at home would have been no guarantee of success, believe me. But he still thinks that and blames his wife for it on the rare occasions when he's not blaming himself. I find that very sad and tell him so, but he is who he is.

Since he'll never read this, I can safely say that I love my old man and that whatever flaws I might have would have been greater if not for his influence. Not directly, of course -- his frequent refrain, "I don't need anybody," makes him a hard guy to bond with -- but he's always tried to do the right thing under difficult circumstances. Even when I find myself frustrated with him for being such a martyr (when he thinks he's trying to be a saint), I still admire him deeply. Please don't say anything.

Labels: family