What's he on about now?

In case the articles, essays and opinions throughtout this site just weren't enough for you, here's my online diary (a.k.a. 'blog'). It's as close as you'll come to the inside of my head, so don't say I didn't warn you
(and remember, you can always e-mail me if you love or loathe anything you're about to read)...


   Thursday, August 29, 2002

FINDING WORDS

I'm lucky to have few regrets in my life so far but lately I'm feeling a major one. With a past year spent worrying over attacks on the US, looking for a new career, my father's poor health, and an off-again, on-again relationship with Darcy -- I've let a few friendships suffer or even lapse altogether. Basically, I'm finding myself trying to undo six months of withdrawl from the people around me.

Despite the sleek beauty of e-mail, I've communicated less with various people in my life, finding it difficult to focus on what to say. While I've used my journals (including this latest open-to-the-public variation) to push myself forward a little more these last few months, I've frequently found myself with nothing more helpful to say to my friends than the usual chitchat. Especially odd, since I've learned in life that just simple chitchat often leads to conversations that can inspire or challenge, but I haven't been practising what I preach.

Being unemployed was a huge part of this -- as long as I was nervously scraping by on a pub salary, I was utterly distracted and self-absorbed. I felt of no use to anyone. Now, that feeling is ebbing somewhat but that makes me laugh as I'm now in a record shop -- how useful is that? I have to keep reminding myself that sometimes the attempts are every bit as important as the results.

Last week, my mother invited me on a family road trip to New York State. Now, she and I both know that I have no time these days for anything like that, but she called long distance to tell me that she wanted my company. I appreciated the gesture and it's time I started making some of my own, assuming that the people who haven't heard from me in a while still have any interest.

That's the part that raises scary questions. Can a true friendship survive a long period of no-contact? Should it? If you have nothing in common with someone anymore, or no time for them, is there any point to maintaining a friendship? What do you do when one person wants to be friends but the other doesn't -- can friends be 'divorced'? And what could you say to prevent such a fate? Or are some friendships just meant to wrap up at some point?

I don't know the answers to any of this, sadly, but I do know that -- with one, long, glorious day off from both jobs tomorrow -- I'll be sitting back down here, writing a couple of letters, making a couple of phone calls, figuring out what I need to say and hoping that I haven't run out of time.

Labels: oh l'amour