What's he on about now?

In case the articles, essays and opinions throughtout this site just weren't enough for you, here's my online diary (a.k.a. 'blog'). It's as close as you'll come to the inside of my head, so don't say I didn't warn you
(and remember, you can always e-mail me if you love or loathe anything you're about to read)...


   Sunday, December 15, 2002

NEVER CAN SAY GOODBYE

The trouble with this whole online diary business is that I can only go on about myself. I don't feel comfortable including too much detail about my friends and family, especially if it's at all negative. This is no place to be airing dirty laundry. This rule of mine makes it very difficult to discuss breaking up with Darcy. While I had my reasons for leaving, I certainly can't go into them here.

I can say, however, that I've missed him terribly this past week and I wish things between us were different. He came by the pub tonight and said he wished he could take me home. I wanted that too but knew I couldn't say so. It wouldn't change anything, for this was a scene we'd played out exactly the same after I'd left him back in June.

When tonight's shift was over, I thought I might cheer myself up by popping into the club down the street for its last hour of dancing. After paying the cover, I walked in to find the place nearly empty and Darcy walking towards me. He was heading out as I was heading in and the timing was unnerving. I'm glad I don't believe in fate.

We chatted outside with a fair bit of awkwardness, since we both knew that -- literally and figuratively -- we were headed in different directions. He gave me a gentle invitation back to his place anyway but I gave him a goodnight kiss and went home solo. This would all be easier if he were a terrible person but he's not. All I do know -- after a year of trying to make us fit -- is that he's not the one for me. I'll have to keep reminding myself of that while I still want him back so badly.

Labels: oh l'amour