What's he on about now?

In case the articles, essays and opinions throughtout this site just weren't enough for you, here's my online diary (a.k.a. 'blog'). It's as close as you'll come to the inside of my head, so don't say I didn't warn you
(and remember, you can always e-mail me if you love or loathe anything you're about to read)...


   Wednesday, November 17, 2004

   BEAUTIFUL AND COLD

Working for a computer animation studio these last couple months has been a great experience (though I'm unable to discuss any of it -- curse that confidentiality agreement!) and it's certainly given me an appreciation for the efforts of the animators and the art of CGI in general.

With that in mind, my friend Jeff and I went to see "The Polar Express" last night and not just the regular version in theatres now but the Imax 3-D edition down at the Paramount. We were enthralled right from the start and the entrance of the train itself is both spectacular and haunting. Much has been written about the film's new "performance capture" technology that creates a sort-of middle-ground between computer animation and real footage of actors. The human characters in the film are the most life-like to date, the rest of the animation is at times breathtakingly beautiful and the Imax 3-D creates a near-unbelievable level of depth for a thrilling experience.

So why did I hate this film with the fury of a thousand white-hot suns?

I loathed this movie. I couldn't wait for it to end. I felt claustrophobic in the giant Imax theatre and all but fled at the first end credit. Once safely outside, Jeff and I laughed out loud at how incredibly appalled I was at this movie. It's bizarre how I just can't stress enough how much I hated "The Polar Express."

I don't think I've ever seen a film so utterly lacking in soul. It's not just that the almost-but-not-quite human characters look stiff and a bit creepy (especially in the eyes) but that the movie takes what is apparently a charming little storybook (I'll have to check it out now) and pads, pads, pads it to 90 minutes with one formulaic "thrill-ride" sequence after another. The first 'train-as-rollercoaster' sequence is a genuine thrill but the fourth is just tedious.

Then, amazingly, they finally reach the North Pole and the movie gets worse -- every Christmas cliché grimly trotted out with no warmth or joy. Then there's the overbearing soundtrack that rips off Danny Elfman's "Edward Scissorhands" score (he should sue!) and cranks it up to 11 to make us 'feel the magic' at all the right moments -- absolutely dreadful. Worst of all was the heavy thump of the film's moral -- that the smart, investigative kid who Doubts is saved from "Losing the Magic" of Santa Claus by being ordered to Believe (and yes, you can hear every capital letter). I like smart kids who doubt and ask questions and I hate seeing that quality squeezed out of them by syrup like this.

As an adult watching movies aimed at kids, one normally has one of two reactions. One film will recapture a bit of your childhood, making you feel like ten years old again (I think of "Pirates of the Caribbean" or "Pee Wee's Big Adventure"); another film will grimly remind you that you're not ten year old and never will be again (sigh -- "Star Wars: Episode I"). Judging from the manipulative treacle on display here, I am very thankful for that.

I hated having to keep asking myself, "Am I just a old grouch?" but no, dammit, I'm not. Last year, I was shocked to find myself getting teary during parts of "Finding Nemo" (tell no one) -- a film with genuine wit and warmth, a story of faith and family, and a theme that resonates without giving us a moral bludgeoning. Even the "Shrek" films have moments of real sweetness.

"The Polar Express" is the kind of movie that makes you want to tell a total stranger to run and see it for its incredible visuals, while you tell another stranger to avoid it at all costs for its dispiriting absence of humanity.

Labels: friends, holidays, introspective, movies, technology