What's he on about now?

In case the articles, essays and opinions throughtout this site just weren't enough for you, here's my online diary (a.k.a. 'blog'). It's as close as you'll come to the inside of my head, so don't say I didn't warn you
(and remember, you can always e-mail me if you love or loathe anything you're about to read)...


   Tuesday, November 29, 2005

   FIGHTING WORDS

After months of rumour and speculation, Pope Benedict has finally decreed that anyone who "supports gay culture" or possesses "homosexual tendencies" is unfit for the priesthood. I look forward to seeing how they test that, while knowing that all this ban will accomplish is to drive away honest, mature, celibate gay men in favour of lying, self-loathing closet cases and the sickening paedophiles uninterested in adult men and therefore 'not gay'. Nice job, hero.

All this would be sad enough if the new Inquisition had just stopped right there but no -- an accompanying article in the Vatican newspaper pushes the witchhunt further:

"During these past years, homosexuality has become a phenomenon that is always increasingly worrying and in many countries is considered a quality that is normal. It does not represent a social value and even less so a moral virtue that could add to the civilization of sexuality. It could even be seen as a destabilizing reality for people and for society."

Excuse me? Living as we do in a time of jihad, I would quietly submit that religion is doing more to destabilize society that anything else but that view tends to make me unpopular.

No, I'll stick to the specifics of the argument, notably the disgusting assertion that gay people have 'no social value.' Is it possible for me to be any more offended by this? Maybe, if it weren't so laughably false. Off the top of my head, I've slapped together a quick list of gay men whose 'social value' I leave you to consider for yourselves:

* Australian High Court Judge, the Hon. Justice Michael Kirby, "Australian of the Year 2006"

* Doug Jefferies, owner of a Washington DC gym and leader of a group of 21 volunteers who travelled to tsunami-devastated Sri Lanka in August to rebuild homes with Habitat for Humanity

* Deputy Assistant Police Commissioner Brian Paddick, lead investigator following the July 2005 terrorist bombing in London

* Elton John, pop music legend whose charity foundation has raised over $60 million dollars in the last decade to help fight HIV/AIDS

* The Rev. Mychal F. Judge, the New York City Fire Department chaplain who died at the World Trade Centre, September 11 2001

Need I go on? The Church seems to think so.

Dear Jack Layton,

Canada is now operating without a federal government. We can tell. I was opening a jar of pasta sauce when I felt the tremor run through my soul. Or maybe it was the garlic.

After grappling with the (sort of) ruling Liberals for months now, you and the NDP have jumped into bed with Stephen Harper's Tories to topple the government. Let me ask you Jack (may I call you Jack?), is this wise?

Stephen Harper behaves as though Canadians have just now realized that the Liberals have been in power too long and become shifty and arrogant, to which the public can only say, "Duh!" We know they're weasels -- that's why we handed them a minority government not even a year and a half ago. It was the voters' way of saying, "We completely dislike and distrust you but you're still a better choice than the other losers." I paraphrase, of course.

The thought of a Tory government back in power gives me hives, especially after Mike Harris gutted this province (who knew Common Sense cost $5.6 billion?) and as Stephen Harper continues his Ahab-worthy obsession with gay marriage. When you see him in Ottawa, Jack, does he talk about anything else? I know you mean well but how can you allow this guy anywhere near Sussex Drive? The way he carries on, I think he's desperate to redecorate.

But enough about Harper, let's talk about you. Both you and your lovely wife, Olivia, have been hard-working, popular fixtures in Toronto politics but you're not running for Mayor, you're running for Prime Minister. Despite your charming media-whore tendencies, the rest of the country still hasn't a clue who you are.

Worse yet, the few who do still hold a grudge from the last time your party ran the show in Ontario, fifteen years ago. A recent Rabble forum asked the still-pertinent question, "How did the NDP tick Ontarians off?" My guess is that it was Bob Rae's unique ability to piss off both big business AND unions. Personally, I think he was on to something, playing to the middle (am I right, Bill Clinton?) but Rae didn't end up with the 'Voted Most Popular' yearbook page. The NDP may have created Canada's healthcare system but it seems that, for the general public, they blew their chance fifteen years ago.

I know -- I don't get it either but then again, you're bringing down a government for the kind of financial grifting that most people assume goes on regardless of who's in power. Meanwhile, our friends to the south have a government that lies, steals, blunders, slanders, tortures and kills yet the American people seem confident indeed that it'll all work out. Politics is an unfair business.

Yes, Jack, you've got your work cut out for you and the shadow of Tommy Douglas is a long one indeed. But you've got me in your corner and, I suspect, millions of other Canadians who want smart, honest people in their government. Be that person, Jack, and let us know what we can do to help.

Labels: Canada, Stephen Harper, Trawna

That's genius.

It's been a good week for gay men over the age of thirty (I hear they exist) as many of our high-school 'divas' have released new material. Let's go from the sublime to the ridiculous...

First up, there's Kate Bush with her first album in twelve years. 'Aerial' is a two-CD set of new material, including a linked series of songs entitled 'A Sky of Honey' that takes place over the course of a morning, afternoon and night. It's lovely, elegant and more than a bit peculiar, much like the woman herself. I found both discs perhaps a bit too low-key upon first listen but never dull (the Guardian said it's an album "in which virtually nothing happens, albeit very beautifully"). The first single "King of the Mountain" is both a straightforward pop song and a mysterious tone poem and there are numerous other lyrical and melodic surprises throughout the album. A gorgeous return.

Next, there's Annie Lennox reuniting with Dave Stewart for two new songs on the Eurythmics 'Ultimate Collection.' They last got together for 1999's 'Peace', an album that featured gorgeous production on songs that were simply fine -- a successful reunion but far from previous heights. Sadly, the two new songs continue that trend, except for the surprise of Lennox's voice. In the stomping new single, "I've Got a Life," her voice is stronger, clearer and more powerful than ever. The song has a beautiful chorus without much else but Annie totally sells it. Plus she looks completely fabulous in the playfully-nostalgic video (check it out at their site). I ended up frustrated -- not by the new material but by the absence of an entire album. Get back to the studio, you two -- the world still needs you!

Finally, there's Madonna, who's apparently created a new Gay national holiday on November 15th with yesterday's release of her new album, 'Confessions on a Dance Floor.' I've always considered Madonna a better businesswoman than artist and I've had serious difficulty with her near-insane levels of pretension but, in this case, I have to cry uncle. 'Confessions' is a lot of fun, with the first three tracks deliriously-perfect pop. Much of the credit, however, goes to producer Stuart Price -- Madonna's contribution tends to veer towards lyrics like "I don't like cities, but I like New York/Other places make me feel like a dork." I try to focus on the disco, which is infectious fun and very eighties.

The Bible is being thumped a little harder this week as the odious and erroneously-named Focus on the Family introduced a new website called Troubled With..., one that will help you with, well, apparently everything. As it says:

I need help with

Alcoholism * Eating Disorders * Gambling * Physical and Verbal Abuse * Pornography and Cybersex * Sexual Abuse * Debt * Depression * Self-Image * Spiritual Struggles * Stay-at-Home Moms * Stress * Time for Family * Workaholism * Working Moms * Dating * Homosexuality * Infertility * Living Together * Miscarriage * Post-Abortion Syndrome * Sex Before Marriage * Sexual Dissatisfaction in Marriage * Unplanned Pregnancy * ADD/ADHD * Children and Divorce * Discipline * Feeding, Sleeping and Crying * Health Concerns * Learning Concerns * Low Self-Esteem * Media Influence * Nighttime Problems * Sibling Rivalry * Single Parenting * Special Needs Children * Talking About Sex * Crisis Pregnancy * Communication Problems * Dating * Depression and Suicide * Drugs and Alcohol * Eating Disorders * Homosexuality * Internet Concerns * Media Influence * Peer Pressure * Rebellion * Sexual Activity * Single Parenting * Teens and Divorce * Affairs * Anger * Blended Families * Caring for Elderly Parents * Communication Gaps * Divorce * Parents and Adult Children * Separation * Adoption * Changing Jobs * Death * Empty Nest * Getting Married * Having a Baby * Menopause * Moving * Preparing for Adolescence * Retirement * Catfights * Nasal voices * Melancholy * Insects * Flatulence * Day-Old Bread * Insomnia * Relentless Bigots * Lint * Homosexuality

Okay, those last few were mine. Did you notice that 'dating' and 'homosexuality' made the list twice? I did. Apparently, nothing else is as troubling so, with a heavy sigh, I'm forced to repeat one more damn time:

No one is troubled by being homosexual.
They are troubled by being marginalized and/or hated.

There's a word for all the issues on this list -- it's called life. If you're "troubled" by it, then you'll need your family, your friends, your wits, earned income, self-discipline, a belief in something greater than yourself and, possibly, some professional help. What you won't need is a massive-yet-unregulated business empire run by men like Jay Sekulow, James Dobson and Pat Robertson, men posing as therapists and in no position to preach morality to anyone.

So why do we keep giving them one?

I've gone minutes without a "Doctor Who" update! Today we got a doozy as the BBC unveiled the new Cybermen -- remodelled and ready to "convert"!

The introduction of the pacemaker in the late 1950's got Dr. Kit Pedlar wondering what would be the (il)logical endpoint of artificial organ replacement. He teamed up with "Doctor Who" writer Gerry Davies and their new villains debuted in 1966. Facing the environmental collapse of their own world, the Cybermen replaced their "frail and weak" human bodies with technology but their need to survive developed into the conquest and "cyberconversion" of all other species as well. (To the ongoing irritation of "Doctor Who" fans, "Star Trek" took this ball and ran with it!)

After the new Doctor gets his act together during 'The Christmas Invasion', he'll be back to fend off these soulless cyborgs next spring.
Hopefully.

Labels: Doctor Who

My father and I don't have a lot in common. We tend to tiptoe around each other, confused as to where the other is coming from, but there's two people who've brought us closer together. One is my niece, Syrena -- we're both so enamoured with her, she's almost all we talk about -- and the other is George W. Bush, for reasons opposite.

For my dad, Bush's plan to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil development was the final straw. It horrified him. He's outdoorsy, you know. He goes on fishing trips and reads National Geographic. He was appalled by the notion of ruining protected land.

But yesterday, the Republican House -- battered by their election losses on Tuesday -- finally faced the fact that most Americans agree with my dad and acted accordingly:

Twenty-five Republicans, led by Rep. Charles Bass of New Hampshire, signed a letter asking GOP leaders to strike the Alaskan drilling provision from the broader $54 billion budget cut bill.

“Rather then reversing decades of protection for this publicly held land, focusing greater attention on renewable energy sources, alternate fuels, and more efficient systems and appliances would yield more net energy savings than could come from ANWR and would have a higher benefit on the nation’s long-term economic leadership and security,” they said.

See? I can agree with Republicans once in a while. This was a pet project of Bush's and now it's dead in the water. The Dagostino family is a lot happier today.

Labels: family, George W Bush

In Tuesday night's elections in Dover, Pennsylvania, all eight school board trustees up for re-election were voted out and replaced by those opposed to teaching "intelligent design" in high-school biology classes. They wanted their science classes to teach...you know...science (Dover, PA -- welcome to the twentieth century)! Predictably, the 700 Club's Pat Robertson threw a spectacular hissy fit:

I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover. If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city. And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because He might not be there.

Now remember -- Pat Robertson is not some lone wing-nut spouting off. He's the head of a multi-million-dollar communications empire and a man who the White House itself calls up for advice on Supreme Court nominees and other policy issues. This is nothing less than a bully who just had "the good citizens of Dover" stand up to him for once and boy, he does not like it one bit, does he? I think he'll need to spend some time at Melanie Griffith's website!

Yeah, I admit it -- I'm a worrywort. It's not my fault. There's a lot worth worrying about these days, though I fear that we've reached some kind of critical mass. We're all feeling overwhelmed these days, with apathy the only defense mechanism readily at hand.

We need hope.
We need healing.
We need Melanie Griffith.

Her website is an oasis of calm in a chaotic world. I said to a girl at work (a "Working Girl"?), "Look -- I'm in Melanie Griffith's 'Mediation Room'!" She instantly replied, "Is is next to the 'Plastic Surgery Room'?" She is my new best friend.

Is it unfair to make fun of someone's vanity website? (Pot, kettle - hello!) Of course it is but, as Melanie writes, "This is a wonderful place to regain the peace and tranquility we so often lose during the day." She's right -- the "Intimacy" link made me laugh so hard, I feel wonderful!

Thank you, Melanie Griffith. Thank you.

We've had wild weather in Toronto this week -- severe winds on Sunday, a massive thunderstorm yesterday at lunch -- but who knew that Hamilton would get the tornado? We're still not sure is was a tornado proper but, hey, if it rips the roof of a school, I'm willing to call it one.

I called my friend Tara as soon as I heard and she told me that only Hamilton's 'mountain' was truly affected (so mother, sister, niece -- all fine). I got on the phone to the family living up there but kept getting a machine. Worrisome. I finally called my aunt who lives somewhat close to them and she too said things were okay and that I shouldn't worry. I'll try again tonight.

The stretch between Barrie and Sarnia has been referred to as "Ontario's tornado belt." The only one I recall in my hometown touched down in the late seventies. I remember being in school when, almost instantly, the sky outside turned a grey dark enough to be called black. We crowded around the windows, watching day turn to night, as the school PA began calling everyone to assemble in the gym. Some kids were afraid but most of us were just too interested in it all for terror to set it. I've tried to keep that mindset since.

The only question that remains is why -- what did Hamilton do to deserve a tornado? After the year of terrifying weather we've endured, we need some perspective on it all. We need a journalist like CNN's Wolf Blitzer:

Biblical proportions again. The tsunami, the hurricanes and now the South Asia earthquake, why some see signs the end of days may be near.

Sodom. Gommorah. New Orleans. Hamilton.
It all makes sense now!

Labels: Canada, friends

Yeah, here's another bleeding-heart liberal whining on about George Bush's war on truth...sorry, war on Iraq:

I was a scientist before I was a politician...And as a scientist I know you need facts, evidence and proof—and then you check, recheck and check again. The fact was that there were no facts, there was no evidence, and there was no proof. As a politician the most serious decision you can take is to commit your armed services to war from which they may not return.

-- Margaret Thatcher, former British Prime Minister and raving peacenik

Even by recent standards, the news this week has been insane:

Vice President Dick Cheney made an unusual personal appeal to Republican senators this week to allow CIA exemptions to a proposed ban on the torture of terror suspects in U.S. custody...
-- Associated Press headline, November 5, 2005

Italian state TV, Rai, has broadcast a documentary accusing the US military of using white phosphorus bombs against civilians in the Iraqi city of Falluja.
-- BBC News, November 8, 2005

Secret torture rooms? Chemical weapons?
Obviously horrifying yet oddly familiar...

The danger is clear: using chemical, biological or, one day, nuclear weapons, obtained with the help of Iraq, the terrorists could fulfill their stated ambitions and kill thousands or hundreds of thousands of innocent people in our country, or any other...Many Iraqis can hear me tonight in a translated radio broadcast, and I have a message for them...In a free Iraq, there will be no more wars of aggression against your neighbors, no more poison factories, no more executions of dissidents, no more torture chambers and rape rooms.

-- President Bush in an address to the US nation, May 17, 2003

Do Iraqis listen to The Who?
"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss..."

Labels: George W Bush, insanity, Middle East

The movie doesn't open for another month but "Brokeback Mountain" is already a hot topic -- Matt Drudge made it his top story earlier today ("a movie even Madonna calls 'shocking'"!), Andrew Sullivan gushes that "its potential cultural impact looks riveting" and Andy Towle freely admits that "I've given this film a lot of ink on these pages, and I'm happy to say it was well worth it."

Boys, boys, please -- I'm desperately trying to lower my expectations, here! I've read the Annie Proulx short story Ang Lee's new movie is based on and it's as terse, lonely, tough and sad as the lives of its cowboy characters -- a real heartbreaker. It's not that the movie won't be excellent, just that I still have my doubts about its cultural impact. I've seen all this before.

When "Philadelphia" opened in 1993, it was all-but-hyped as the movie that would end homophobia. It was an expensive Hollywood production by a brilliant director with big-name movie stars and it became a big hit at the box office. They like us! They really like us! Gay people were now the main characters in Hollywood movies like other humans. Everything was going to be okay.

Five years later, Matthew Shepard was beaten to death in Wyoming. One step forward, a hundred steps back.

Looking back, of course, it was ridiculous to hope that a movie could help hold back a hatred primal enough to kill a man. Real life is never that simple; it's why we love movies in the first place. "Philadelphia" proved to be a poor champion anyway because it skirted the issue that it pretended to confront. Film critic Keith Uhlich, in an overview of Demme's career, explains that

"Philadelphia" is damagingly reticent in its portrayal of a gay man's lifestyle. Instead of going for broke, as was the case in "The Silence of the Lambs," Demme walks on eggshells not to offend, portraying Beckett and his lover Miguel (Antonio Banderas) as ethereal, asexual creatures.

This was a charge that Demme didn't attempt to deny:

When we see two men kissing, we're the products of our brainwashing -- it knocks us back twenty feet. And with 'Philadelphia' -- I'm sorry, Larry Kramer -- I didn't want to risk knocking our audience back twenty feet with images they're not prepared to see. It's just shocking imagery, and I didn't want to shoehorn it in.

Understandable but lame, resulting in a film seeking to combat prejudice while kow-towing to it. Demme tried to confront 'brainwashing' with the gentlest of reason. Trust me, it rarely works. The only way to confront propaganda is with truth. Cold, hard truth, in all its spiky, messy complexity. Gay people aren't angels. Or devils.

"Brokeback Mountain" then -- for all its 'gay cowboy movie' hype -- promises to be a better film, one that deals with love between two men in a direct and truthful way. Whether or not the general public chooses to see it or not is the bigger issue. The most probable outcome is reflected in a tiny, independent film called "The Dying Gaul," opening in theatres this week. Set two years after the premiere of "Philadelphia," it concerns a young screenwriter pitching an AIDS-related script to a Hollywood producer who bluntly tells him

Americans hate gay people. They hear it's about gay people, they won't go. To get people into the movie theatres, they have to think it's going to be fun. No one goes to the movies to have a bad time, or to learn anything.

Ouch.
I hope that won't be the case this time. Drudge's story today did have this little ray of hope from (speak of the devil) Wyoming:

Michelle Howard of the state's Travel and Tourism Division says her agency is already hearing a buzz that people in other countries are expressing interest in visiting Wyoming because of the film. “It's gotten rave reviews from the international community,” she said. “I don't know if they're more tolerant or something, but they're viewing it as a great Western movie.”

Maybe I'm too tolerant (or something) but I'm hoping "Brokeback Mountain" IS a great Western movie. I'm hoping that people will get past the gay thing and see it as such. I'm hoping the "Dying Gaul" character is wrong. But most of all, I'm hoping that Wyoming never sees another gay 21-year-old beaten and left to die on a hilltop.

Photojournalist David Gallagher says a friend spotted this in a K-Mart. These kids now are so lucky -- today, confetti flowers; tomorrow, the New Yorker!

Exactly one year ago, near-insane from the results of the 2004 American election, I wrote this:

I know, in the long run, that things are getting better, that reason and fairness will prevail, and that these people will grow up and stop lashing out in fear all the time. But how do we deal with the short term? How do we deal with four more years?

Quite well, as it turns out. Less than a year into his second term, George W. Bush is now what's called a "lame duck" President, mired in ethics scandals, massive deficits and his botched war in Iraq. A new ABC News/Washington Post poll says that,

George W. Bush's approval ratings for handling his job, Iraq, terrorism and the economy are all at career-lows. Sixty percent of Americans disapprove of his work in office overall, a level of discontent unseen since recession chased his father from office.

Finally, people are rejecting this pathetic excuse for a leader and his terrifying pack of oil-company cronies. And it only took the deaths of 3000 people to do it (nearly a thousand Louisiana citizens and over 2000 soldiers sent to Iraq, but who's counting?).

We're even starting to learn how we got to this sad point to begin with. For instance, the Senate is currently investigating a sleazier-than-usual pair of Republican fundraisers who swindled $66 million from Native American reservation casinos by enlisting Christian voters:

"The wackos get their information through the Christian right, Christian radio, mail, the internet and telephone trees," Scanlon wrote in the memo, which was read into the public record at a hearing of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee. "Simply put, we want to bring out the wackos to vote against something and make sure the rest of the public lets the whole thing slip past them." The brilliance of this strategy was twofold: Not only would most voters not know about an initiative to protect Coushatta gambling revenues, but religious "wackos" could be tricked into supporting gambling at the Coushatta casino even as they thought they were opposing it.

This is the oldest, most successful, most disgusting game in politics -- if you talk about Jesus loudly and often, you can get away with just about anything. The combination of God and Money is so irresistable to most people that they'll line up to support your swindle, your Presidental candidate or even your war.

But only for a little while. As a far, far better President once said, "You may deceive all the people part of the time, and part of the people all the time, but not all the people all the time."

Labels: George W Bush, religion

Software Architect Mark Russinovich caused a stir this week when his blog reported how Sony Music had briefly crippled his computer with copy-protection software on a CD he'd purchased.

Sony is now facing an onslaught of bad press -- all of it richly deserved. While they'll no doubt whine that their ridiculously-extensive FAQ gives their customers all the info they need, this little gem just about sums it up:

In order to get ATRAC files onto compatible devices, you must first use the MUSIC PLAYER application to import the files from the disc. From MUSIC PLAYER you can then export these files to ATRAC compliant jukebox software (supplied with ATRAC compatible portable devices). If you already have such a jukebox on your computer you may set MUSIC PLAYER to export the files directly to the jukebox. To do this please go to Menu -> Options -> Export within MUSIC PLAYER.

Now I'm not much of a techie but I do know my way around the average computer. Nevertheless, an EMI CD I bought a while back (Tina Turner, goddess) took me nearly an hour of fussing with before I could copy it into my MP3 player. Why is that a big deal? Because when one has paid over twenty dollars for that album, one should be able to listen to it in any way one chooses, dammit!

At least Tina was worth the effort -- it was worse when I later bought the new Dandy Warhols album and discovered that a) the disc came with irritating software I had to install just to play it, and b) the music itself was a slapped-together, self-indulgent, amateurish wankfest from a band I'd previously enjoyed (and Pitchfork was even harder on them). EMI took my money and made me work just to listen to an album that's crap.

Do I sound negative? Of course -- it's a negative trend. Record companies loudly wail about the money they're losing from illegal downloading but, as Matt Groening has joked, instead of making billions of dollars, they are only making millions. As it stands right now, the only people who are losing out are the loyal customers who've paid them money for a substandard product.

History has shown that if you treat people like criminals...well, in an entirely-unrelated story, I've become quite fond of a program called BitLord and a site called Seedler. They have a version of the new Kate Bush album that I'll be able to play on the subway. Sorry Sony, sorry EMI, but you need to learn a lesson dating back thousands of years: you reap what you sow.

Labels: music

My friend Jeff and I were let go from Sunrise Records this month. Given our love-hate relationship with the place, it wasn't a total upset. The only sticking point is that we'd actually quit over a year ago but the Powers That Be asked us to stay on once a week. Now it appears that the owner and his cronies have drafted a new plan called "Roadmap to Success" (not actual success, nor even a road to success, but a map to find the road). The plan involves "more consistency" with employees working throughout the week. "Could've asked," said Jeff. "What's more consistent than being here for three years?" I grumbed, but, like I said, lately neither Jeff nor I had been too fond of bailing water out of a sinking ship. Newer employees now tell me that at least half a dozen people have asked about us, with one demanding the head office phone number. I love that.

With my weekends now freed up, I popped in this Saturday to buy a book at This Ain't the Rosedale Library, the fine independent bookshop in my neighbourhood. "So how's the record business treating you?" asks Dan the co-owner. "Pretty badly," I laugh and repeat my story. I leave him my phone number for a book order and head out. Later that night, I get a call. Dan asks, "Would be willing to come in and work at the store?" It turns out that there's been too many hours split between too few employees lately and they need someone on Sundays and the odd evening. Flattered that Dan is asking me to come in based solely on his occasional conversations with me, I say yes and show up for work the very next day.

My friend James is thrilled. "This is so good for you!" he raves.
"I think it might be," I say, "It feels like a little grace note in my week. But it's weird though...and minimum wage! You don't think it's a step backwards?"
"No no no," says James, "This is great! You're perfect in bookstores and you get to work in the neighbourhood."
He's right. It's a chance to help out a place that needs me, make a little pocket money and get back to working in books after all this time. How cool is that?

Labels: friends, Trawna

Yes, I've been away. I hope I can explain why.

In silencing myself for two months, I've worried my faraway friends and I've disappointed my seven fans -- if blogging were an occupation, this would be one of the hazards. Unfortunately, though, I've had to walk away from my diary from time to time because I get frustrated.

My blog occasionally frustrates me for the same reason my life occasionally frustrates me -- I can't quite precisely say what it's for. Some will rightly scoff at how ridiculous that demand is; others will rightly nod their heads and agree. It's hard to lack direction, in your life OR your work.

But all I can do -- all anyone can do -- is to keep looking at the world around me for inspiration and to remember the ancient adage that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Whether the path is rocky or smooth, well-lit or barely visible, just keep walking. Do something. Ramble on.

For over three years now, this blog has helped me chart my past, examine my present and ponder my future. Sometimes, like exactly two months ago, all three seem so ugly to me that I seize up in despair or terror, I'm not sure which. Probably both. The storm passes -- as all storms do -- but the momentum is lost. In the work to make up for lost time, the absolute last thing I want to do is sit and write about it, publicly or privately. William Styron is a braver man than I. Nevertheless, I'll have to learn to keep the lines of communication open even when there's thunder in the air because, as dreadful as whining is, the silence is worse.

Thank God for my friends. I don't write about them much, concerned for their privacy, but they keep me solid. I think their names will have to start appearing here more often (though still little about their lives -- they can get their own blogs!). How can I write about my life without mentioning the people who make up the best part of it?

It's because this blog can't just be all about ideas, no matter how much I love them or how much of my faith rests on them. We are the sum of our ideas, the culture we live in the sum of all of them, jockeying for position. If this public blog represents anything, it's a part of my ongoing attempts to shine a light on the good ideas lost in the fog of awful ones. Like anyone who's ever started one of these blogs, I'm just trying to celebrate what needs attention and to condemn what needs dismissal (more Sam Harris and Joss Whedon, less George Bush and Paris Hilton). At the end of the day, such links are what I hope for -- if nothing else, this blog's convinced a few more people to watch "Six Feet Under" and "Battlestar Galactica" and that is no bad thing!

So for those of you still with me, thanks. That's one step done. No ideas this time but perhaps a notion or two. At any rate, I'm glad people have spurred me to keep going, whether the direction is apparent or not. I'm learning to be more patient -- with myself, others, the world -- even as I struggle for momentum in walking, talking, listening, learning. I believe in evolution and, as always, you've got to practise what you preach!

Ramble on...