What's he on about now?

In case the articles, essays and opinions throughtout this site just weren't enough for you, here's my online diary (a.k.a. 'blog'). It's as close as you'll come to the inside of my head, so don't say I didn't warn you
(and remember, you can always e-mail me if you love or loathe anything you're about to read)...


   Wednesday, March 07, 2007

   DECONSTRUCTION

After all the boosting I did for the premiere of Torchwood last fall, it would seem a bit odd that I never brought it up again, no? Well, picking on it would be like hitting a puppy that's just peed on the carpet. It just didn't know any better.

It's not that Torchwood was bad, per se -- the first two episodes were fine, the last two terrific, but there were nine in the middle that ran the gamut from interesting to dreadful. It's as though the show that was billed as 'Doctor Who for adults' was so bent on matching its parent's incredibly-flexible storytelling format that it forgot to establish any kind of identity first.

Episodes included a police investigation into a decades-old rape/murder case, a Texas Chainsaw Massacre gorefest, a quirky mystery involving the ghost of a bumbling loser, a Fight Club with aliens, and a couple of doomed love affairs -- one straight, one gay. The writers were so busy showing how Torchwood could do anything that it didn't always do it well.

All of this would be forgivable if the characters weren't having the same problem. 51st-century omnisexual con man Captain Jack Harkness had made a great foil for the upright and asexual Doctor, mainly due to the great charm of John Barrowman, who turned a character that could've been smug and smutty (especially on a children's show!) into someone heroic, endearing and fascinating. Giving Jack his own show, turning him loose on modern times, was a saucy and hilarious idea but, as leader of Torchwood, Captain Jack was suddenly solemn and angst-ridden. Being trapped on Earth had apparently given him a joy-ectomy.

As for the rest of the gang, this group of super-secret alien hunters working "outside the government, beyond the United Nations" displayed some maddeningly-stupid behaviour. These five nitwits are responsible for the fate of mankind? That was the scariest thing on the show! Burn Gorman's character was staggeringly unlikable yet dominated the screentime, while Naoko Mori was given nowhere near enough to do. Ditto for cute Welsh actor Gareth David-Lloyd whose character proved most frustrating. He blames Jack (in part) for the death of his girlfriend in episode four and is seen mourning her in the next three episodes. Then, in episode eight, there's a last scene with some heavy innuendo that he and Jack are having sex. Their romance seems to carry on from there. Normally, I'd be pleased but I just can't stop thinking, where did THAT come from?

I suppose it was inevitable that a show that promised to fill the TV void left by The X-Files, Angel AND Queer as Folk could only disappoint, but it's painful to watch a show you want to love but can't quite (I'm having a similar issue with Battlestar Galactica this year). I think a lot of Torchwood's problems come from the fact that it was rushed onto our screens in a fit of enthusiasm following the massive success of Doctor Who. Despite everything I've said, the spin-off was a ratings hit of its own, thankfully, so there will be a second season in January 2008. I'm hoping the extra time will allow the writers to tighten up the scripts. Sure, it's just TV but, with shows like BSG and Heroes raising the bar on this kind of stuff (and, in the latter case, in a big way), we fanboys just want Torchwood to work. Right now, the 'show for adults' is more of a show for 15-year-olds -- I suppose there's nothing wrong with that but, with the talent Torchwood has behind it, they really should aim higher.

But just to show there's no hard feelings, to prove that I really do love the strange little show, I edited together another one of my YouTube bits -- consider it the sports highlight reel:



Now here's a silly postscript: I edited that to one of those angst-rock songs by The Calling that somehow seemed to fit perfectly with the theme of the show but, after doing so, I played around with iTunes and found other songs of a similar length. Since your average pop song format is pretty strict -- verse-chorus-verse with a 4/4 beat -- I turns out that a disturbing number of songs fit my little trailer quite well! I tried out Queen, AC/DC (ha ha) and Franz Ferdinand, before getting loopy with Ella Fitzgerald, the Sex Pistols, a James Bond song and, of course, the requisite Big Gay Version.

After all that, I got frightened and had to stop. It's fun to see how a different tune can completely alter the mood and pace of the imagery but more than a little depressing to see how Lego-like all this video and music have become. One more reason to hope a Welsh sci-fi bisexual cop show can break the mold!

Labels: Doctor Who, MeTube, music, TV