88 Lines About 4.4 Roommates

Josh was my oldest friend,
So he doesn't count as a roommate.
We went from a house to this co-op,
And for years we got on great.
He eventually moved to Cali,
I didn't know just what I'd do.
A co-worker stepped in and said,
"You will love my good friend Drew."

Drew was cute and funny,
With a girl in Montreal.
He needed just to stay the summer,
Giving me some time to stall.
But she arrived in just one month
And he was out the door.
I had to find a real roommate,
Making Drew a mere point-four.

I spent a weekend interviewing,
The prospects went to worse from bad.
I called it "The Parade of Freaks,"
It seemed the safest one was Chad.
He worked downtown as a nurse,
Though his head was full of fantasy.
He talked of his life as a TV show
With himself addressed as "she".

He was terrible at cleaning house
with a kitchen full of fruit flies.
I hated such an obvious joke,
but he soon gave me another surprise.
He immediately lost his job
And went months without having tried.
He finally told me he'd found one
But they said, "No, he lied."

Chad couldn't see why I'd be mad
While the bills continued to mount.
Since I was dating his friend Bryce,
Shouldn't his matchmaking count?
I gave him two weeks notice,
And was happy to say goodbye.
To be fair, he paid it all back --
Well, after three years had gone by.

Feeling burned, I discovered Gord
Who seemed so much like me.
He'd been born and raised in Hamilton,
With a dysfunctional family.
Gord was fun and always kind,
But his self-esteem was small.
I felt that when he looked in the mirror,
He didn't like what he saw at all.

(Uh-uh. Not Gord.)

But the truth is he has a nice smile,
Whenever it's not being repressed.
I used to blame his mutual funds job,
The one that kept him so stressed.
Gord later moved out to the Danforth
To rent a house and make a home.
I hope he considers his time spent here
As something of a stepping stone.

Mark seemed OK if somewhat dull,
Until I suggested he join the co-op.
Their income requests and volunteer rules
Led to a paranoid blow-up.
He'd hide in his room after that --
Danielle called him "the silverfish" --
So when he said he was leaving
It hardly was against my wish.

Jerry seemed a stand-up guy.
Paid first and last in February.
But when he didn't move in till September,
I wondered if I should be wary.
Jerry filled the fridge with heath food,
Though his opinions made me wonder.
His beliefs in past lives and psychics
Make me Scully to his Mulder.

Things were fine until this past week,
When Jerry's finances went bad.
He calmly announced he can't pay the rent,
Bringing back memories of Chad.
I'm feeling history repeat itself
And so Jerry inspired this poem.
But I hope he's better than that,
And won't endanger my home.

A friend of mine thinks it's dirty
To have a roommate when you're past thirty.
But that's easier said than done
And Josh and Gord were lots of fun.
So sure, if I had some wealth,
I needn't rely on someone else
But until the day that life's more fair,
I'll have to remember how to share.

88 lines about 4.4 roommates.