A hollow voice says, "Fool!"
Are you ready for this? This is a collection of responses to XYZZY in a multitude of IF games. Although XYZZY is usually just an optional magic word with a silly quip behind it, sometimes it does do something useful... which means there are some spoilers, but for the most part they're fairly minor. Especially since I'm not giving any context, apart from the games' names.
If the spoiler isn't minor, I've put the quote in white-on-white in a box, and the game's name in black-on-black. To reveal one area or both, select the area(s) with your mouse.
Entries marked with NEWEST were added in August or September 2004.
Entries marked with NEWER were added in March or April 2004.
Entries marked with NEW were added in January or February 2004.
See also my PLUGH responses page, and Rick Adams's Everything you ever wanted to know about the magic word XYZZY page.
^ . ^
\___/ — The PK Girl
– obligatory easter egg – — Best of Three
-- "xyzzy" isn't a recognised verb. — My Angel
* * * WARNING: * * *
Don't mess with the author of this game! Cf. http://www.acweb.com/ben/hungga/schools/brooklyn.html — The Hose
*** You have died *** — Zero Sum Game
(arirang norae) — The Moonlit Tower
(I don't know the word "xyzzy".) — Seastalker
(Is that an ornithopter I spy?) — The Moonlit Tower
(It's said the 'x' is really a 'chi', so tt's pronounced 'cheesy'.)
[Insert humorous comment here] — Silence of the Lambs 2
(Itadakimasu!) — The Moonlit Tower
(Meep!) — The Moonlit Tower
(No Garden of Unearthly Delights, alas.) — The Moonlit Tower
(Sorry, but the program doesn't recognize the word "xyzzy".) — Witness
(Twinkle, twinkle, little...never mind.) — The Moonlit Tower
(What did you expect, Stormbringer?) — The Moonlit Tower
(You should know better than this.) — The Moonlit Tower
You are inside a building, a well house for a large spring.
There are some keys on the ground here.
There is a shiny brass lamp nearby.
There is food here.
There is a bottle of water here.
You are able to take in your surroundings for a few seconds before a second >>Foof!<< deposits you back in Zefron's workshop. Apparently your feeble wizardly powers won't enable you to stay in that distant land for long. — Poor Zefron's Almanac
Inside Your Car
You are sitting in the driver's seat of your car. There are some keys in the ignition, and tasty food and a bottle of water in the glove compartment.
Wasting no time, you start the engine and make your way home.
*** You have won *** — A Walk Through Forever
In Debris Room
You are in a debris room filled with stuff washed in from the surface. A low wide passage with cobbles becomes plugged with mud and debris here, but an awkward canyon leads upward and west.
A note on the wall says, "Magic word XYZZY."
* You found one of the three hidden bonus points (the hidden location)*
You can see a small black candle (providing light) here.
A bit of dust falls from the cave ceiling.
[Good, your score has just gone up by one point.] — Return to Zork: Another Story
[A hollow voice says, 'K3WL!] — Fallacy of Dawn
[dootsrednu ton saw "yzzyx" drow eht] — Kallisti
[Hit any key.]
|As in the water face answers to face,|
So the mind of a man
Reflects the man.
-- Pr. 27:19
For old times sake.
[Hit any key.]
— Being Andrew Plotkin
[I don't know the word "xyzzy."] — Plundered Hearts; Stationfall; Zork Zero: The Revenge of Megaboz
[I don't know the word "xyzzy".] — A Mind Forever Voyaging; Border Zone; Cutthroats; Leather Goddesses of Phobos; Moonmist; Nord and Bert Couldn't Make Head or Tail of It
[Just keep hitting Enter to go through this demonstration.]
A hollow voice booms, "The demonstration is given in the laboratory. You will be taken there if necessary. Anything you are carrying that gives off light will be covered during this session."
[Several screens of demonstration omitted] — Inform School
[Note to self: insert witty answer here.] — Bugged
[Oh yeah? Well, plugh on you then!] — The Mage Wars: Statue
[Sigh.] — Bureaucracy; Trinity
[That verb is not recognized.] — 9:05; Photopia; shrapnel
[That's not a recognised verb.] — Voices
[We could not understand the word "xyzzy".] — The Granite Book
[You can play the game from start to finish, solve all the puzzles, get all the points, and STILL never need to use the word "xyzzy".] — Sherlock: The Riddle of the Crown Jewels
[You don't need to use the word "xyzzy" in this game.] — Eric the Unready; Frederik Pohl's Gateway; Timequest
[You don't need to use the word "xyzzy" to finish this story.] — Hollywood Hijinx
/usr/local/games/advent: Connection timed out. — Bad Machine
A cardboard cut-out of Graham Nelson appears and waves a cardboard arm. The cardboard cut-out then vanishes in a puff of Inform. — The Five Tutors
A cloud of orange smoke engulfs the pillow and it disappears!
Nothing happens. Maybe another magic word...
An orange cloud suddenly appears in the room! It then dissipates, leaving the pillow behind on the pedestal.
>sit on pillow
You fidget with the pillow and move it onto a good spot on the floor. Then you squat on it, cross-legged.
A cloud of orange smoke suddenly appears, blocking your vision! Then something gives way and you land with a BUMP. — Pillow
A disembodied voice informs you, "The solution isn't magic, but it's not rocket science, either."
The voice pauses, as if in thought, and queries, "S'matter? Are you chicken?" — Pollo Y Camino (a.k.a. Chicken and Road)
A disembodied voice speaks. "This magic word is down for repairs, necessitated by its overuse. Please try another." — Tookie's Song
A distracted figure with a huge bushy beard blunders in just as you speak the word of ancient magic. The man wears loose clothing, and an expression of intense concentration. He is clutching his frizzy hair with one hand; his other hand grips an intricate grid - the object of his attention.
His eyes brighten the word you've spoken reaches his ears. "Yes! Yes! That's it!" he exclaims as he draws out a pen and fills in a row of squares. "Now my hyperconstrained, double-acrostic, cryptic crossword is complete, and ready to puzzle others. That was all I needed - just a simple five-letter word, composed only of the letters 'X' 'Y' and 'Z,' that would fit here!"
He grips your hand and shakes it fervently. "Thank you! Now that I've finished with that, I can get on to those other things I've been meaning to do, such as monkey-wrenching the demolition and saving recreational linguistics for future generations." He turns away and mutters, just before he departs, "I hope none of that will involve lying in front of a bulldozer..."
[+1.] — Ad Verbum
A finely-dressed man appears in a flash of blinding pink light. "You know, with an important Presidential election coming up in the United States very soon, I think it's time to talk to you about a very important subject: Spork safety.
The man vanishes. — Death Waif
A foolish voice says, "Hallo." — Bears, Bears, Bears
A hollow cow says, "Moo." — Diorama
A hollow voice announces that the XYZZY Forum on the Virtua WorldNet is closed right now. How typical. — VirtuaTech
A hollow voice bleats. — The Man From DEFRA
A hollow voice booms, “Do you see your shadow?” — Rematch
A hollow voice ignores you. — Undo
A hollow voice inside your head mocks your social skills. — Coffee Quest II (post-comp version)
A hollow voice inside your head says, "Wrong genre." — The Legend Lives!
A hollow voice intones, "Ha! Nice try, my Lord! But no cigar." — Photograph
A Hollow Voice mutters, "I don't do zippers." — Stiffy Makane: The Undiscovered Country
A hollow voice refuses to say "Fool". — Spodgeville Murphy and The Jewelled Eye of Wossname
A hollow voice rings out - no wait, that's my stomach. — Rameses
A hollow voice says, "A hollow voice says, 'Plugh'." — Guess The Verb!
A hollow voice says, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. And vice-versa." — Moments Out Of Time
A hollow voice says, "Ba-cock!" — The Lesson of the Chicken
A hollow voice says, "Bde-bde-bde-Th-th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!" — Toonesia
A hollow voice says, "Beam me up, Scotty." — The Sea of Night
A hollow voice says, "Bite me." — Sins Against Mimesis
A hollow voice says, "Cool!" — Spiritwrak
A hollow voice says, "Cretin." — Zork: The Undiscovered Underground
A hollow voice says 'Cretin'.
(Probably your boss) — Perilous Magic
A hollow voice says, "Did you really think I'd take the time to implement that?" — Doomsday
A hollow voice says, "Do you try that in every game?" — A Freak Accident Leaves Seattle Pantsless III: Endgame
A hollow voice says, 'Don't take me there.' — Coma
A hollow voice says, "Eeaagghh!" (or was that, "Eegggggg!?") — Sisychickenphus
A hollow voice says, "Eh, whats up, Doc?" — Toonesia
A hollow voice says 'Fool'! — Ophelia of Denmark
A hollow voice says "Fool" — Detective (MST3K1)
A hollow voice says "Fool." — Enchanter; Infidel; Zork I: The Great Underground Empire; Zork II: The Wizard of Frobozz; Zork III: The Dungeon Master
A hollow voice says, "Fool!" — Beyond Zork: The Coconut of Quendor; Wishbringer
A hollow voice says "Fool. But you're cute, so that makes up for it." — I–0
A hollow voice says "Fool."
I look around to see where the voice came from, but I can see nothing. I look at the other people, but they do not seem to have heard anything unusual. I look at the floor, the ceiling; there is no sign of a source for this mysterious voice.
The hollow voice says "Look over here."
I look around again, but still see nothing.
The hollow voice says "On your nose."
I focus closer and see a tiny little humanoid figure perched on my nose. I'm surprised that such a big voice could from such a creature. As I think this, it looks annoyed at me, and from its pocket it pulls an impossibly large icepick-- proportional to my size, not its size--and jabs it into my eeeeeaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
*** I have lost *** — I'll
A hollow voice says, "Fool"
(See, if you were dreaming, nothing would have happened.) — Plaque
A hollow voice says, "Fooled you!" — Mother Loose
A hollow voice says, "Hey, didn't I see you on the MUD last night?" — Foggywood Hijinx
A hollow voice says, "How unseemly!" — Varicella
A hollow voice says "I've spent two days coding that flocking stereo system, and I'm not really too keen on coming up with a witty way to indulge in nostalgia." — Very Old Dog
A hollow voice says, "Infidel." — Crusade
A hollow voice says, "Is this thing on?" — Guess The Verb!
A hollow voice says, "Klmml." — Guess The Verb!
A hollow voice says, "Myst drools, CHICKS DIG JERKS rules!" — Chicks Dig Jerks
A hollow voice says, "Nice try, but no cigar!"
|If dirt were dollars,|
we'd all be in the black.....
-- Don Henley.
A hollow voice says `Obviously, you are in the wrong game.'
Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! That trick never works. -- Bullwinkle J. Moose and Rocky Squirrel
— A Bear's Night Out
A hollow voice says: 'Oh please... this is getting SOOOOO old...' — Dutch Dapper IV: The Final Voyage
A hollow voice says "Oh, shut up." — Elements
A hollow voice says, "Plugh." — Guess The Verb
A hollow voice says, "Plugh."
A hollow voice says, "Plover."
A hollow voice hands you a banana. — Pass the Banana
A hollow voice says:
"Q: Why did the mouse cross the road?
A: Because it was nailed to the chicken's foot!" — The one about the chicken, the lion and the monkey?
A hollow voice says "Seek not to rise above your station, little demon." — Hell: A Comedy of Errors
A hollow voice says, 'So get out there, Robb, and win this comp. Win it for the children. Win it for Red Cloud. And win it ... for Demetrius DuBose.' — A Crimson Spring
A hollow voice says, "Sorry, there aren't any magic words in this game." — A Party To Murder
A hollow voice says, "SQUAWK!" — Learning to Cross
A hollow voice says, "Testing, one, two." — Guess The Verb!
A hollow voice says
"That really isn't funny anymore." — The Damp Camp
A hollow voice says, "That's not a bug, it's a feature!" — Guess The Verb!
A hollow voice says, "There is no bread." — There Is No Bread
A hollow voice says, "These are the times that try men's souls." — Once and Future
A hollow voice says, "This is a short sample 'game' designed to test out some programming ideas I had. It pays homage to the bad old sci-fi B movies. The material here is, I suppose, vaguely mystifying to small children, so parents be warned, play it through first yourself, and make your own decision about it." — The Underoos that ate New York!
A hollow voice says, "This is a test of the emergency hollow voice system." — Guess The Verb!
A hollow voice says "Troll". — Zork: A Troll's Eye View
A hollow voice says, "Trying to get a cute response, are we?" — The Mind Electric
A hollow voice says, "Very well. You don't know what you're asking for, but here you go....."
And, in fact, within minutes the whole Palace is abuzz, with the sounds of helicopters and tanks drawing nearer. Within half an hour, half the Viennese army is on the front lawn. Within an hour, every inhabitant of the palace - including Charles and yourself - is dead meat.
*** In your death you were not divided ***
The play is played out. — A Stegosaur's Night Out
A hollow voice says
"Well, this adventure is written in tads not fortran, but seeing that you are pretty stuck, you can have your precious xyzzy."
There is a cloud of orange smoke and you realise that you are now in the .................. — The Damp Camp
A hollow voice says, "Wow! You must be, like, really old." — The Light: Shelby's Addendum
A hollow voice says "Wrong game, pal." — Aunt Nancy's House
A hollow voice says "Xyzzy? Tinny, tinny sort of word."
Then a sixteen-ton weight drops on your head.
*** You have died ***
Ouch. How depressing. — Cheeseshop
A hollow voice says "Yay, points!"
[For finding the obvious easter egg, your score has just gone up by one point.] — The Theta Point
A hollow voice says, "Zwanzig." — Casino Viridoso V
A hollow voice sighs, exasperated. — A Good Breakfast
A hollow voice sings:
Hollow inside, I was hollow inside
But I couldn't find out what the reason was
Why I was
Hollow inside, I was hollow inside
But I couldn't find out what the reason was
Why I was... — Photograph
A hollow voice that sounds suspiciously like Significant Other says, "Sorry, nope." — Appallatron (→)
A hollow voice utterly fails to provide you with TOAST. What a rip-off. — The Epitome of Toastlessness
A hollow voice whispers, "I saw a 't' on top of a castle!"
A goat runs through the lounge. A llama chases after it. The glue is dripping down the side of the bottle.
I doubt that made any sense to you, since it's an inside joke. Well, when you type something out-of-context like xyzzy you should expect an out-of-context response. If you expected to be teleported, too bad for you. This isn't Zork. — The Cruise
A hollow, yet nasal, voice booms out "Please Deposit 42 cents!" — Rippled Flesh
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey. Why the long face?" — Unease
A huge cloud of orange smoke fails to appear. — Six Stories
A huge horde of mutant spiders appears out of nowhere and devours you alive!
*** You have died *** — Episode 2: Revenge of the Mutant Spiders
A husky voice intones, "I knew you'd try typing this, and I must say I'm getting mighty tired of being summoned up willy nilly to fulfill some sort of neurotic desire to fill a game with as many lame injokes as possible. So begone. (By the way, please try the following verbs on subsequent playings: waylay, cook, xyzzy, attack)
*** You have pissed off the voice (that's a first) *** — Pick Up The Phone Booth and Aisle
A man runs passed you being chased by lions and a blonde-haired man. You think to yourself, "Isn't that my little protege Karl? How wonderful!!!" — The Devil Made Me Do It
A mystical hand, seemingly made of thousands of tiny sparkling stars, sweeps down from above. Before you can do anything, it prods you in the ribs, and a hollow voice echoes "It's not you!" The hand flies off again, quickly disappearing from sight. — The Lost Spellmaker
a random number is [number]. — Underground Compound
A small black cat struts by, rubs up against your legs, meows, then scampers off. — Cattus Atrox
A squeaky voice says, "Why say xyzzy here, when you can visit http://webhome.idirect.com/~dswxyz/sol/xyzzy.html instead?" — Krakatoa Tuna Melt
A stubble-chinned street dealer drops by and shakes his head at your patheticness. "How do you sleep at night?" he asks before leaving. — Saied
A tap dancing velociraptor wearing a shiny green jacket appears before you, performs a short routine then vanishes. Or else nothing happens, if you prefer. — d2d
A voice from the audience calls out, "XYZZY!"
"A hollow voice says, 'FaG0T!!!'" — A Walk Through Forever
A wave of warm and fuzzy nostalgia washes over you as the word escapes your lips, but nothing much else occurs. — Tinseltown Blues
A woman in a smoky orange gown glides close by and whispers, "That sort of thing doesn't work here." — Exhibition
A word comes to you, and you shout it out... "XYXXY!". The storm responds with a roar and a crash of thunder. It is a word of power. Once, you feel, you knew many such words. Now, only this one remains. — The Awakening
Actually having you magically teleport upon the utterance of that word would violate what little continuity exists in this game. — Waystation
"Ah! My only child, trying to use black magic against the one who brought life!" — Punkirita Quest One: Liquid
All 69,105 leaves have said "yoho" and disappeared down a 2-inch slit -- along with some cheese, a bowl of sodden Cheerios, losers named Mercury and BVE sniveling under a bridge, and a bunch of other lame rec.arts.int-fiction in-jokes. [Let's stick to one adventure at a time, okay?] ;-) — Fine-Tuned
"All right, XYZZY. What? I'm still here? What a letdown these magic words are!" — A Night Guest
All the other deities have USEFUL magic words, but you're stuck with this stupid one that DOESN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING! — Glossary
An anvil falls on your head, then vanishes. — Toonesia
An awesome response to XYZZY is available with the full registered version of Revenge of the Killer Surf Nazi Robot Babes from Hell. Type REGISTER for additional information. — Revenge of the Killer Surf Nazi Robot Babes from Hell (Demo Version)
An editorial in the newspaper quoted a government official asserting that "Our unspeakably beautiful and cruel world is going to end." That's the line that got you so exercised before you found the book. — Rivkin
NEW An Implementor suddenly materializes and speaks to you with a tone of boredom and annoyance.
The Implementor vanishes. — Shadowgate (Inform adaptation).
Ancient words of power may cut it in some other profession, but not in the exciting world of toaster repair! — Masters of Toasting
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. — Winchester's Nightmare
Are you Eileen Mullin or anybody else connected to XYZZYnews magazine?
[if "yes"] See? See? It's recognised.
[else] That's not a verb I recognise.
— Ralph (from IFComp '96)
As George W. Bush's life fades his soul rises for a moment and then suddenly hovers. Above the mantel is an old sword rewarded to GW from the Great Persian Gulf War II and it begins to eminate a powerful light. George's soul strives to escape all earthly boundaries, but the sword is too strong. His soul drifts to the sword and is absorbed, becoming a part of its very nature. A flash of blue trickles down the blade in harsh laughter before the image fades... — The President, the Democrats, and Smelly Pete
As the magic words leave your lips, everything becomes clear. You are just a pawn in an interactive fiction game. There is no way out except to find the answer to the problem placed before you. Good luck. — Ralph (from SpeedIF 15)
As you mutter the magic word the screen on your boss's laptop suddenly transforms! Where before was a spreadsheet with a few cells, (already pushing the limits of your boss's brain capacity) a collection of the hottest, most erotic pornography ever imagined has appeared!
When your boss notices the interesting change on his laptop his eyes go wide and a small smile crosses his lips. Unfortunately for him, your CEO chooses that exact moment to walk in and speak with the boss about something or other. Your CEO notices the plethora of fascinating sexual images on your boss' laptop and opens and closes his mouth a few times as he tries to speak but is too shocked and pissed off to form words. Finally some words come...
"Is this how you spend valuable company time?! Clean out your fucking desk and hit the street, deadbeat."
[Your score has just gone up by ten points.] — BOFH
As you say the magic word, a shimmering steel pole appears in front of you out of nowhere. At its top is the head of Dick Clark. Revelers kneel in praise, then start counting down from ten as the head descends down the pole. When the count gets to three, the pole and head vanish in a puff of smoke. — Why does my New Year's Eve always crash and burn?
As you say “xyzzy”, you feel warm and fuzzy, almost as if your cosmic score has increased by several karma points. But nothing else happens. — Escape from a Planet Filled with Monkeys!
[Note: this was in response to choosing a menu option called 'Say “xyzzy”', not actually typing "xyzzy".]
As you speak the magic word "xyzzy", there is a blinding flash, and the Satellite of Love's theater disappears around you. You notice that you are now carrying a multi-purpose Scrub Brush.
This is a featureless corridor similar to every other corridor on the ship. It curves away to starboard, and a gangway leads up. To port is the entrance to one of the ship's primary escape pods. The pod bulkhead is closed.
You have beamed yourself into Planetfall, and escaped from the Satellite of Love. Unfortunately, you did so before Mike Nelson arrived to take your place. With no man in space to experiment on, Dr. Forrester ekes out the rest of his career playing B-movie heavies, TV's Frank returns to his job at Arby's, and Mystery Science Theater is cancelled.
TOM: Good one, Joel!
CROW: Hey Joel, wanna play Hucka-Bucka Beanstalk?
*** [Roll credits] *** — A Fable (MST3K2)
As you speak the Word again, the Edifice trembles slightly, but nothing further happens. — The Edifice (←)
As you speak the word, you feel yourself sucked through fifth dimension, beyond time, space, Punch, and Judy, to be reunited with your Significant Other.
"I have made it! Even killer molluscs couldn't have stopped me!"
"Eh. You took too long. I'm not convinced. Let me set you one more task."
"See these eleven rings stacked on this pole? I want you to move them onto that other pole over there..."
*** You have won *** — Appallatron
Askiosy rau loovao LIGHAN SES LION!
[Dress sle nire ve-station] — Lighan ses Lion
BEARS BEARS BEARS. [Your easter egg could go here! Call now at 555-1212 to order...] — Banana Apocalypse and the Rocket Pants of Destiny
Being a feet-on-the-ground salesman, you don't believe in silly magical words. — Unnkulia One Half: The Salesman Triumphant
Bleah. — Kiss Chase
BLEEP! (ping) zZaP *glorgle*
The spell you have selected is out of service. Please try another game. — Desert Heat
Bless you. — Six Stories
Brank. Bronk. Blurk.
-- Gorpy Bizzerton — The Hippo and the Flute
Can you say that here? I thought that was copyrighted or something...? — The Coast House
Captain Speedo can't use the word "xyzzy". — The Relentless Adventures of Captain Speedo, Episode 14: Victim of the Vaccum!; The Relentless Adventures of Captain Speedo, Episode 16: Let them "heat" cake!; The Relentless Adventures of Captain Speedo, Episode 42: So Long, and Thanks for All the Books; The Relentless Adventures of Captain Speedo, Episode 112: Alert on Alpha V!
Chaos snores. — Chaos
Cheesy? Not at all. More like "archetypal". — The Cross of Fire
Currently, there is no "xyzzy" near the narrative. — The Space Under the Window
Dans le bâtiment
Vous êtes dans un bâtiment qui abrite une source abondante. — Aventure (French version of Adventure)
Das funktioniert nicht, wahrscheinlich, weil du alles andere als ein namenloser Abenteurer bist. — Begegnung am Fluss
Do what? — Stick it to the man
Does the circle...twinkle a little?...No. — The House
East of House
You are in an open field east of a big yellow house with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.
...Well, not really. This was a crime-against-mimesis moment in an otherwise serious and well-thought piece of Interactive Fiction.
And you were the one who began, with that 'xyzzy' thing. — Ramón and Jonathan
Eerie silence greets your words. — Castle Amnos
Eine hohle Stimme sagt: 'Du bist offenbar im falschen Spiel.' — Ein Bär Geht Aus
Erik Starson can't use the word "xyzzy". — Captain Speedo The New Generation Series Premiere: Missed by a hair - but not forgotten!
Even that magic cannot help you here. — Zombie!
Everything spins around and suddenly you find yourself...
You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike.
The only maze of this game.
Everything spins around and suddenly you find yourself...
[back in your original location] — Flamel
Far in the distance, a hollow foghorn sounds. — Escape From the SS Borgarís
FC: I don't know the word 'xyzzy'. — Suspended
fizzle. — Speed
Foo. — Health Inspector
For a moment you can almost hear a hoarse voice say something to you. But it passes. — Curses; Deja Vu
For a moment you think a text adventure journalist gnome has appeared by your side, but you realize an instant later you’re imagining things. — Six Stories
For a moment you think you see a monkey riding by on an pony. Then you realize you were just hallucinating. Oh well. — Six Stories
For a moment you thought you heard a hollow voice after speaking the word, but it was probably just your inner voice asking why a grown-up man in the year 2000 still believes in magic. — Escape from Crulistan
For a moment, you wonder if your lifelong obsession with hunting is a sign of a fearful, needy man, unable to get in touch with his own inner child, who would be truly happier were he to spend his free time with a competent therapist instead of crawling through the woods in army-surplus fatigue. Fortunately, the moment passes. — Toonesia
NEW For some reason you remember the computer games you played as a kid. What if that's all this is? A game? What if that's all anything is? — The Thorn
From The New Hacker's Dictionary:
xyzzy /X-Y-Z-Z-Y/, /X-Y-ziz'ee/, /ziz'ee/, or /ik-ziz'ee/ adj.
[from the ADVENT game] The canonical 'magic word'. This comes from ADVENT, in which the idea is to explore an underground cave with many rooms and to collect the treasures you find there. If you type 'xyzzy' at the appropriate time, you can move instantly between two otherwise distant points.
Xyzzy has actually been implemented as an undocumented no-op command on several OSes; in Data General's AOS/VS, for example, it would typically respond "Nothing happens," just as ADVENT did if the magic was invoked at the wrong spot or before a player had performed the action that enabled the word. In more recent 32-bit versions, by the way, AOS/VS responds "Twice as much happens." — Not Just A Game
From out of nowhere, your boss, Harry Jenkins runs up to you. He grabs you by the upper arms and shakes you roughly, shouting, "Do your own damn work!" He runs off again. — Film At Eleven
Gerzundheit! — Tanker and Webb
Gesundheit. — Arthur: The Quest for Excalibur
Gesundheit! — Earth and Sky; Not Just an Ordinary Ballerina
"Give a man a turkey sandwich, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to turkey sandwich, and he will eat for a lifetime." -- Art Bell — Zumpf and Fumping
Goddess bless you. — 2112
"Good 'zine, isn't it?" comments a hollow voice that seems to come from out of nowhere.
(Actually, it comes from http://www.interport.net/~eileen...) — Maiden of the Moonlight
Graham Nelson surfs in on a miniature surfboard, then surfs back out. — Glacial Rift of the Dick Cavett
Helen once ran into real trouble for publishing an article with that word in it. The letters pages were swamped with complaints. — Memories
Hold on while your PC sends you a Gamma burst of mind altering energy...
(I hope you closed your eyes.)
As soon as the ringing in your ear stops, press ENTER.
OK, thank you in advance for giving this game a 10. — At Wit's End; At Wit's End Again
http://mm.dfilm.com/mm2s/mm_route.php?id=1243287 — Delvyn
http://www.xyzzynews.com — Adventures of Helpfulman
i cannot focus. — an apple from nowhere
I can't make sense of that sentence. — Skyranch
I can't use the word "xyzzy". — Nothing More, Nothing Less
I do not know the word 'xyzzy'. — House on Haunted Hill
I do not recognise that verb. — Degeneracy
I do not understand that. Is that logical? — Another Lifeless Planet and Me with No Beer
I don't know how to "xyzzy". — Pirate Adventure
I don't know that verb. — Goofy
I don't know the word 'xyzzy'. — I Didn't Know You Could Yodel; Starcross
I don't know the word "xyzzy." — Planetfall; Spellbreaker
I don't know the word "xyzzy". — +=3; A Brain in the Rain; A Night at the Museum Forever; A Spliff In Time; A Tenuous Hold; Aftermath; Alien Abduction?; Amnesia; Augustine; Babel; Beyond the Blue Event Wall; Bio; Bliss; Bmissfille; Cerulean Stowaway; Coffee Quest II; Color and Number; Common Ground; Cranial Pounding; Danger School; Deep Brow Lifter; Dig Dug; Dithyrambic Bastards; Don't Fire Until You See The Yellows Of Their Niblets; Episode in the Life of an Artist; Escape From the Arboretum; Eterna Corp; Evacuate; Final Assault of the Big Green Cliches; Frustration; Fun and Games; Fusillade; Futz Mutz; George; Glowgrass; I don't remember why this game is called "Onion"; I Went to the WTO Ministerial Conference...; Inheritance; Insomnia; Into That Good Night; John's Fire Witch; Kaged; Kids, don't eat your Halloween candy...; LegBreaker 3k!; Lethe Flow Phoenix; Lightiania; Living Room; Lost [the TADS one]; Manna; Masta'mind; Moonbase; Moral Me This; Mr. Remote Mom; Myth; Operate!; Passing Familiarity; Perdition's Flames; Pirating; Planet Y; Pumping!; Screw the Boston Tea Party; Second Honeymoon; Sludge; Sorcerer; South Beach Rum Runner; Speed5; Stairs; Stone Cell; Stranded; Strangers in the Night; stupidgame; Tall Tales in the Big Easy; Terrible Lizards; Temple of the Orc Mage; TG-TADS: Prototype I; The Bloody Mess; The Clock; The Four Symbols; The Golden Fleece; The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy; The Holy Grail; The Inanimator; The Legend of Lady Magaidh; The Lesson of the Tortoise; The Lion in Winter; The Maintenance Man; The Mission; The Obscene Quest of Dr. Aardvarkbarf; The Oracle; The Second Pit; The Sound of One Hand Clapping; The Yellow Stone; Things; Threading the Labyrinth; Tyler's Great Cube Game; Ugly Chapter; Uncle Zebulon's Will; Undertow; Verb!; Volcano Isle; Weaving a Basket (or Something); Worlds Apart; Yellow Dog Running; You are a Chef!; Your mind is gone, it must be brought, you have some rock candy
I don't know the word "xyzzy" as you have used it. — Snosae
I don’t know the word ‘xyzzy.’
I don’t! — Six Stories
I don't know the word "xyzzy". Now get back to trashing this dump! — The U.S. Men's Hockey Team Olympic Challenge!
I don't understand that command. For a list of valid comands, please type 'help'. — Life on Beal Street; One Week
I don't understand that verb. — The Big Mama
I don't understand "XYZZY" — Fred's Backyard
I don't understand XYZZY as a verb. — Surreal
I don't understand "xyzzy" as a verb. — My First Stupid Game
I don't understand 'xyzzy' as a verb. — Curse of Manorland
I don't understand 'xyzzy' as a verb.
HOLLOW VOICE: Fool. — Stiffy Makane: Mystery Science Theatre 3000
I don't understand you. — Werner's Quest Part 1
I don't understand your command. Type HELP for a list of valid commands. — Love Song; The Blade Sentinel
I dunno that vurb. — Flowers for Algernon
I had never been one to believe in magic. — The Beetmonger's Journal
I know... I know... You had to try it. Personally, I don't blame ya! — Above and Beyond!
.i noda fasnu — nuntalyli'u
I only understand HELP, QUIT, and the digits 0-9. — The Knapsack Problem
I understand thee not. — Talisman, Challenging the Sands of Time
"I'd try it if it magically transported my drinks to a safer place. But it wouldn't work." — A Night Guest
I'm not familiar with that particular cliche.
"It's not much fun wandering through somebody's ill-conceived, cobbled together, inside-joke universe." -Paul O'Brian
— Prodly the Puffin
"I'm so tired I can barely move my tongue, much less pronounce a magic word!" — A Night Guest
I'm sorry, but XYZZY doesn't do anything special in this game! — Sophie's Adventure; Unraveling God
I'm sorry, I don't quite understand (my mind is elsewhere). — The Commute
If Charlotte Anne can't use real magic, what chance have you got? — Heroine's Mantle
"If it magically transported the demon instead of me, I'd give it a try." — A Night Guest
If it were only that easy. — Friendly Foe
NEWEST If you wanted a Scott Adams adventure, you could choose some other game... — The Homework of Little Carl Gauss
Im Innern des Hauses
Du bist im Innern eines Hauses, ein Brunnenhaus für eine grosse Quelle. — Abenteuer (German version of Adventure)
Images of knife-throwing dwarves come to mind. — Tryst of Fate
In a hollow voice, you mispronounce the only word in Czech you can remember. — Firebird
In a sudden moment of inspiration, an unusual word reveals itself to your mind. At first you imagine it to be unpronounceable, but you are in fact wrong. Phonetically, 'zizzie' would do the job fine. Your concentration is diverted for only a few seconds, but when you return to your senses you find that you are somewhere other than where you were... — The Planet of the Infinite Minds
In the distance you see a car approaching. The car slows down as it passes. It's a black Lincoln Towne car with darkly tinted windows. As it passes nearby, you could swear you see through the glass a small chimp wearing a tuxedo and laughing at all of your hysterically. The license plate reads, "MNKYBTLR". — The X Chicken
"In the names of all weird words, let me open this door!"
Nothing happens. But at least it's better than being kneed in the groin. — Artifiction (→)
In the time of the First People, even that ancient magic did not exist yet. — The Water Bird
You are inside a building, a well house for a large spring. — Adventure a.k.a. Advent a.k.a. Colossal Cave
Inside Joke Mode is Now On.
You instantly forget you ever knew anything about inside jokes. — The Last Sonnet of Marie Antoinette
It has been said that anything can happen in VR, but in this case "anything" turns out to be nothing at all. — Delusions
It is pitch dark in here. You are liable to be eaten by a grue.
— Ghost Ship
It will take more than petty incantations to save the day. — Pytho's Mask
It's not that easy to get out.
"Hey! Where did you learn that?" — Coming Out of the Closet
Ja, ja, das stand alles in "Das Denken in der fünften Dimension". Konzentriere dich jetzt auf das Spiel! — Star Rider
Jarb shrieks, apparently to himself, "Fool!" — Dragon!
Jarod stutters out something indiscernible. — Jarod's Journey
JOIN THE SOCIETY FOR THE PREVENTION OF CRUELTY TO CLICHES Every year, hundreds if not thousands of good ideas are brought to an early death by overuse and overexposure. You can help to stop the senseless waste of space, simply by avoiding the use of clichés. Join the campaign now, and help these decent and formerly original ideas to live out their last years with dignity. For more information about the S.P.C.C., write to: ADVENTURER RR #29 Eastlands, Zork 4127 or e-mail: email@example.com
— In The End
"Khheeeeeeeeeghhhhh!" — A Night Guest
Laughing suddenly, "Xyzzy!" you announce, proud of having solved the puzzle, fully expecting to be magically transported to solid ground. The wind pulls at your hair. — Constraints (from IF Comp 2002)
Life doesn't work that way. Nyah, nyah, nyah. — In The End II
Magic doesn't work in the real world. — Enemies
Magic won't help here – only a very big ink eraser. — Carma
Max Blaster's voice booms out of nowhere. “Hey, Doris, it's time for the special secret message for the Max-and-Doris Patrol Club Members! What's the secret letter for today?”
Doris de Lightning's voice responds, “Ready, Junior Cadets? The secret letter for today is X, as in Xavian — so line up your secret decoder rings with A on the outside and X on the inside, and get ready for the message!”
Ihuulrtik Fxlhbd Zdmy Eueyuh! Qu obfu vbm utcbv lork obdb-kremdxlrbt bn lou nrhkl Exs Ydxkluh xtj Jbhrk ju Drioltrti xjputlmhu. Lou kfuzrxd ybtmk nbh lork puhkrbt bn lou kre rk xpxrdxydu prx “YBTMKREXIU”; rt lou usfxtjuj puhkrbt lb yu huduxkuj dxluh, “YBTMKKZUTU” qrdd xdkb yu xpxrdxydu. Rn, nbh kbeu huxkbt, vbm xhu erkkrti vbmh Fxlhbd Zdmy Eueyuh arl, julxrdk nbh fmhzoxkrti xtblouh zbfv qrdd yu xpxrdxydu kbbt xl ollf://qqq.nuudruk.bhi/ Loxta vbm nbh fdxvrti!
spoiler box translation
Greetings Patrol Club Member! We hope you enjoy this holo-simulation of the first Max Blaster and Doris de Lightning adventure. The special bonus for this version of the sim is available via “BONUSIMAGE”; in the expanded version to be released later, “BONUSSCENE” will also be available. If, for some reason, you are missing your Patrol Club Member kit, details for purchasing another copy will be available soon at http://www.feelies.org/ Thank you for playing!
— Max Blaster and Doris de Lightning Against the Parrot Creatures of Venus
Me: "Andy, partner, would you please tell me about xyzzy?"
Director: (hollowly) "Please, the name is Andrew, not Andy. You fool!" — Bad Machine
Michael: NYAH NYAH! :-)
Thanks to Iain, inky and tufty. — Camping!
Mists pour from the ground below you. They begin to spiral around your legs. In the distance you can make out shadowy figures coming towards you through the mist. You then hear a deep, booming voice say "Oh sorry, wrong game." The mists vanish, and everything is back to normal. — Research Dig
My prime goal in writing Calliope was to get comfortable with the Inform programming language, and I believe I succeeded that much. Originally, I meant to accomplish this merely by painting a (somewhat self-deprecatory) autobiographical portrait of myself hacking confusedly away at a going-nowhere Inform program, making a silly little diorama which, once complete, I might have shown a couple of friends before setting it aside and probably forgetting about it, but enough ideas for expanding this into a dippy little quote-unquote 'interactive' tribute to text adventure programming in general fell into my head to move me to expand this bloated exercise from pastiche to short story. I then submitted the whole mess to the 1999 IF Comp, partly to make good on my never- canceled entrance request from the beginning of this year (When I had a vague idea about a game I wanted to make, which I then let lie fallow for some months, poked at a little, and then abandoned), but mostly for the same reason most people probably have when they enter the Boston Marathon. It's a fun lark!
While I can't expect this little trifle to score very well in the competition, I hope that you get a smile or two from it anyway. I had enough fun writing it, learning as I went, to want to dig immediately into making a 'real' text adventure game, so, as far as I'm concerned, it's a smashing success.
Special thanks to betatesters Leah Bonistalli, Jordan 'Greywolf' Peacock, Jeff Pitrman, and Andy Turner.
You may send comments and criticism to me at [eaddress omitted].
--Jason McIntosh — Calliope
Nice try. If you type that 9999 more times, I *might* put you in god mode.
Nice try. If you type that 9998 more times, I *might* put you in god mode.
Nice try. If you type that 9997 more times, I *might* put you in god mode.
[...Quite a few xyzzyies later...]
Nice try. If you type that 2 more times, I *might* put you in god mode.
Nice try. If you type that 1 more times, I *might* put you in god mode.
Nice try. If you type that 0 more times, I *might* put you in god mode.
Nope... apparently I was just kidding. — A Paper Moon
Nichts passiert. — Abenteuer
No human hand can play the chord progression for CTHULLU ROCKS! — The HeBGB Horror!
"No. I've got something against hollow voices." — A Night Guest
NO KANGEROOS COULD KICK THERE ASS
-- Danny "Dman" Hale — The Suffering Supplicant
No magic can help you now. — The Incredible Shrinking Woman, Too!
"No, no. I don't want to be magically transported anywhere before I secure my property." — A Night Guest
"No, no. If I left now, then the whole trouble with sitting upright would be for nothing." — A Night Guest
No, that's not it at all. — Jigsaw2
No, you don't want to go back to the IFmud again yet. Maybe after you kick Doctor Nova's butt, you can go back there... Next time, though, you'll have to follow the instructions at http://www.ministryofpeace.com/text/ifMUD/faq.html. — Death To My Enemies
Nope. Doesn't help. — Skipping Breakfast
Nostradamus appears in a puff of rules. "Yeah. I'm in the game. So there." — First Wave, Then Jump Up and Down Screaming
Not here. — Of Forms Unknown
Not surprisingly, nothing happens. You mustn't have visited the right place. — Enlightenment
Nothing happens. — A Boy and his Goat; Adventure; Agency; Artifiction; Centipede; Christminster; Colours; Constraints (from IF Comp 2002); Dreams Run Solid; First Things First; Journey from an Islet; Photograph; Shangri La; SpeedIF 11, part six; The Tale of the Kissing Bandit; The Travels of Fitzwilliam Pound; Wormwood Days II: The Aftermath
Nothing Happens. — Grayscale; The Erudition Chamber
Nothing happens. But you do feel like you have satisfied an irresistible urge. — The Family Legacy
Nothing happens, but you probably knew that already. — CC
Nothing happens here. — The Chasing
Nothing happens. Maybe in another time, another game... — Vacation Gone Awry
Nothing happens. Must've used the wrong magic word -- although you get a vaguely uncomfortable feeling at having tried to use magic words at all.
Nothing happens. Must've used the wrong magic word.
You get a bad, bad feeling about using magic words in this world -- as if they are leading you toward thoughts almost too difficult to complate.
Your surroundings vanish for a moment. Have the shackles of a constricting consciousness fallen away?
If so, then they have been replaced by a different sort of shackles. You are tied up to a bed, wearing only a leather corset. Standing above you, a similarly-dressed octogenarian woman gazes down upon you with a beatific yet disturbing smile. "Now, my pupil, it's time for us to study the intricacies of the Rudolphus Technique." You struggle to break free ... to break free ... to break free ...
Moments later, you are back in the Gateway. You are left to wonder: Was that real? — Reality Show
Nothing happens. No witty responses, nothing. — At The Bottom Of The Garden
Nothing happens. (Stupid enemy parser.) — Spy in the Snow
Yes, there it is.
“Great, Enra. It took you this long to figure out how to hook us in? Come on, let's get out of this game.” Galen disappears with a faint crackle of static.
You look around. “Yeah.”
***Here we come*** — Shadows On The Mirror
Nothing happens. What did you expect? A dwarf or something? — BOFH
Nothing happens. You could always try >PLUGH.
Nothing happens. You could always try >ABRACADABRA.
Nothing happens. You could always try >ZOT.
Nothing happens. You could always try >WAZZUM.
Nothing happens. You could always try >XYZZY. — Erehwon
Nothing happens. You hear the hollow voice of Baluthar laughing in your head. — Baluthar
You weren't really expecting anything, were you? It just doesn't fit in with the genre.
Oh come on, don't tell me you're disappointed. I know, I know, you were expecting some hilarious little blip, or the Spanish Inquisition, or something. Well, no, not the Spanish Inquisition, because no one ever expects them. But I'm sitting here as I write this, watching television and stuffing barbeque potato chips into my mouth, and absolutely nothing humorous is coming to mind. So... hey, maybe next time. Okay?
Nothing happens... again.
Again... nothing happens.
Still nothing happens.
Stop doing that.
Please stop doing that.
Okay, fine. I'm disabling the command now.
I don't know the word "xyzzy".
I really don't know the word "xyzzy".
Well, that didn't work. Look, here's 5 dollars. Just... take it and promise to stop typing that. Nothing is going to happen!
[The game isn't lying about the 5 dollars; check your inventory.]
Oh, I see. Okay, fine. If that's the way you want to be.... In a total of 10 turns, you have achieved a score of 0 points out of a possible 70, giving you a rank of Hobo.
You may restore a saved game, start over, quit, itemize your points, or undo the current command. Please enter RESTORE, RESTART, QUIT, FULL, or UNDO: > — Scavenger
Nothing like knowing how to curse in Bug-speak! — Private Cyborg
Nothing seems to happen. — Four In One
"Oh, come on! I'm a grown-up and sober (well... almost sober) man. I don't believe in magic!" — A Night Guest
"Oh, get serious! You can't expect me to be magically transported to my bedroom by this!" — A Night Guest
"Oh, I think I shouldn't flee yet. Maybe we can settle the misunderstanding, and everybody will be happy." — A Night Guest
Oh, stop that.
No, really, stop it.
That sort of magic hasn't been figured out yet.
Don't get me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.
OK, perhaps you WILL like me when I'm angry.
Oh, bother. I haven't been programmed to get angry.
You're just going to keep trying until I run out of responses, aren't you?
OK, this is my last response. Ta-ta.
Really, that was. Honest. No more interesting responses here. Move along, move along.
Whenever you're ready to get on with the game...
Sigh. — A Simple Theft
Okay, you asked for it...
You are in a 3D maze of twisty little passageways, all alike.
Exits lead in all directions.
Just kidding... — Four Mile Island
Okay, you asked for it...
You are in a maze of twisty little passageways, all alike.
Exits lead in all directions.
Just kidding... — Infil-Traitor
Only one magic is available to you - the magic of free will. — Constraints (from IF Comp 2002)
Oolon Colluphid appears from behind a pillar, waves at you, and vanishes again. — Jeenin Tonn-nx
Our hero's grasp of the Japanese language is obviously poor! — Downtown Tokyo Present Day
Out of nowhere, a huge cloud of orange smoke fills the car. When it clears, you suddenly realize that you're in the shack!
Betcha didn't think i'd have time to implement xyzzy, did you?
You suddenly feel very disoriented, and the room seems to be spinning all around you. As you gradually regain your balance, you realize that you're now in the car! — onion2
Out of the corner of your eye you notice the appearance of your computer's monitor has completly changed! Studying your screen more closely, you see a selection of pornographic images that would have the Pope reaching for his Kleenex box. — BOFH
Pardon? — Twilight in the Garden of Exile
An authentic copy of Zork I for the PC magically appears.
Nothing else happens. — A Bet's a Bet
Poof! In a cloud of orange smoke, you're magically transported to...
[your current room description]
(Okay, it wasn't that magical.) — The Plant
Real adventurers do not use such language. — YAGWAD
Remembering your old days of playing Adventure in the computer lab, you cry out "Xyzzy!" in a loud voice but nothing happens.
— Risorgimento Represso
* Translation of Ned's Yorkshire, courtesy of the game's author, Michael Coyne: "Good for nothing, that is," says Ned. "If that worked, I'd have been and gone a long while since."
Rien ne se passe. — Aventure
Sadly, recent city budget cuts have led to the elimination of the Department of Magic. — Lost New York
See, technically you're in a location (Darkness), but your real_location isn't a room. Instead, it's the Inform Library itself, which is the most sense Inform could make of my game. In fact, I didn't create any rooms when I was programming this. (Granted, with Inform it's a bit tricky to say what is a room and what isn't.) It would probably have been simpler to just make a fake room to put the player in, and achieve the same effect, but that's not perverse enough. I felt I had to try to go beyond the familiar one room games, and this is as close to zero rooms as I was able to get. — No Room
Shh. I'm watching this. — A Walk Through Forever
Sigh... I know it's convention to have some inane cute response to magic words from classic adventure games, but ya know what? Screw it. It's been done. — Katana
Six Million a Day. — Coke Is It!
.sneppah gnihtoNNothing happens. — Triune
"Socrates" - Great philosopher who didn't write a line, but allowed hemlock to win fame.
(Angelo Frattini) — The Land of the Cyclops
Something appears in your inventory in a puff of orange smoke.
It's a cheap cotton t-shirt. The slogan reads, "I used the magic word XYZZY and all I got was this stupid t-shirt."
The t-shirt shimmers in a magical kind of way.
It looks like it was designed for someone with less tentacles. What kind of idiot implemented this easter egg anyway?
The t-shirt bursts into flames and is destroyed. — Catch That Haggis
Something is happening here ... whoa.
Time! Time! I need more time .... we all need more time .... to quote the band Ivy: 'To know we die / makes love a lie' .... here's hoping the time isn't wasted ....
Something is happening again ... whoa! — Blue Head Yurt
Something is happening here ... whoa. You're in the nullroom, where all the topics hide! Better do xyzzy again soon.
It looks like an ordinary Nullroom to me.
Something is happening again ... whoa! — Dinosaur Love
Somewhere else, "xyzzy" might make sense, but not here, not now. — The End Means Escape
Somewhere nearby you hear a metallic scrape accompanied by a faint ringing in your ears. — 4 Seconds
Sorcery in that manner seems to fail you. — No Time To Squeal
Sorry, but the word "xyzzy" is not in the vocabulary you can use. — Suspect
Sorry, I don't know the word "xyzzy." My author came in in the middle, and didn't have time to teach me many words. — Trudge
Sorry, that is not a correct word! — You Were Doomed From The Start!
Sorry. Wrong genre. — Six Stories
Stealing from other games is so gauche. — Janitor
Stop living in the past, man! — A New Day
Such an action would undoubtedly compromise your hunting position. — Virus
Suddenly, a bright light appears in front of you. It is like space itself is cut open. The light forms a door-shaped rectangle, like a portal into nothingness. Then a silhouette appears. A man steps out of the light. He says: "Sorry kid, the Hollow Voice is out at the moment. So no funny or insulting remarks this time. Here. Take a flyer." He hands you a small leaflet.
From within the light, a female voice says: "Come on, Dutch, we've got more things to do..."
The man briefly looks over his shoulder. Then he turns to you and says: "Keep up the good work, kid. I'm sure you'll do just fine..."
He steps back into the light, which disappears behind him, closing like a zipper.
From the same author:
*** DUTCH DAPPER IV: THE FINAL VOYAGE ***
Available in an IF archive near you.
The bright light appears again, but no-one steps out. You just hear a not so hollow voice say: "Come on, kid, stop bothering me. I've got more important things to do then play with you."
The bright light disappears, closing like a zipper. — Reality's End
Suddenly a magical white glove appears floating in the air before you, slaps you several times across the face, then disappears. — The Curse of Eldor; The Unholy Grail
Suddenly a man falls from the air. As he picks himself up you see he is in his early thirties, covered in cat hair and looks as if he works out a fair bit.
"Ah yes," he says, "I remember this. Ahem..." and he begins what seems to be a prepared spiel:
The Tarot Reading - A piece of IF art by Michael Penman, written for the 2003 IF Art Show (http://members.aol.com/iffyart/)
Copyright (c) 2003 by Michael AM Penman. All rights reserved.
Developed with TADS: The Text Adventure Development System
Of course there's a view that good art shouldn't require explanation. Unfortunately, I doubt this is 'good' art; it's just the best that I can achieve at the moment. That's why I've decided to offer this word of explanation.
In the IF art show the stress is placed on exploring interactivity rather than fiction; the I rather than the F of IF. This got me thinking: where does that interactivity take place, really? Certainly not in the IF environment, which is after all no more than a static construct. So why did I feel so thoroughly transported after playing _All Roads_ for the first time? So moved after completing _LASH_?
My answer is that the IF construct plays us. It alters our mind for a time, sometimes permanently. For me this is true of all fiction. I couldn't think of a better metaphor for this than the use of the tarot archetypes to allow the player to explore their mind.
Some words of thanks, then I'll go. I'm not very good at spelling and even worse at coding. The following beta testers from LiveJournal and code gurus from rec.arts.int-fiction helped me lots, as did my wonderful wife Helen:
Michael J. Roberts, Jay T, Dan Shiovitz, adjectivemarcus
For the character's knowledge of the cards I relied extensively on the _TarotL Tarot History Information Sheet_ by members of the TarotL discussion group (http://www.yahoogroups.com/group/TarotL) Authors: Mary K. Greer, Tom Tadfor Little, Nina Lee Braden, Linda Dunn, Mark Filipas, Robert V. O'Neill, Christine Payne-Towler, Robert Place, James Revak, and others. Compiled and edited by Tom Tadfor Little.
For my own knowledge of the cards I like to turn to _The Celtic Tarot_ by Helena Paterson.
All that said, it's been a fun project and I hope you like it.
The man then gives a cheery wave and vanishes as mysteriously as he appeared.
Do you think the author wants to be summoned here every five minutes? Don't over use magical verbs, they wear out. — The Tarot Reading
Suddenly, nothing happens. — Six Stories
Suddenly you are transported out of your house and never have to eat toast again! Yay! Well... not really. Nothing happens. Nice try, though. — Toasterama
Suddenly, you are transported to the Dining Room! (Old magic never fails). — Moist
Suddenly, you find yourself enclosed in a huge cloud of orange smoke. When it clears, you suddenly realize that you're in... — Unnkulia X: Escape of the Sacrificed
Suddenly you vanish from your current surroundings...
Swirly mist blows round you...
Your feet tingle...
You reappear in an alternative universe which is, for the purposes of this game, exactly identical to the one you originated in. — Got ID?
That doesn't seem to have any effect here, unfortunately. — The Waterhouse Women
That instruction, that verb, doth elude me. — The Tempest
That is not a command you can use. (Type "HELP" for a list of valid comands.) — Flotsam; Kingdom Without End
That is not a recognizable verb. — Winter Wonderland
That is not a recognized verb. — Slouching Towards Bedlam
That is not a valid command. (You can type “HELP” for a list of valid comands.) — Escape from a Planet Filled with Monkeys!
That is not possible. — Werner's Quest Part 2
That magic word has no power in this place and time. — Timetrap
That might be foolish, try something else... — The Last Just Cause
That phrase means something to you, though you cannot remember what. Memories may not be opaque, but the density of layers that cover your remembrances obscure any recollection of what this word might mean. — The City
That really has no place here, does it?
Wait until you get home and fire up the computer, THEN you can use magic words. — The Queen of Swords
That spell doesn't work here. — Fort Aegea
That was not a verb I recognised.
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. - Exodus 22:18
— Muse: An Autumn Romance
That word is not near the narrative. — The Chicken Under the Window
That Word has no power here. — A Stop For the Night
That word has worked its magic. — Ad Verbum
That's not a command you can use. — Choose Your Own Romance
That's not a verb I recognise. — 98769765; A Beginning; A Change In The Weather; A Dark and Stormy Entry; A Day for Fresh Sushi; A Day for Soft Food; A Dino's Night Out; A Freak Accident Leaves Seattle Pantless; A Night at Milliways; A Night At The XYZZYies; A Parallax Dream; A Perfect Day for Candiru; A Top Hat For Eddie; Acid Whiplash; Adventureland; Aesthetic Deletions; All Roads; Amissville (amiss.z5); An Exploration of Colour; An Important Appointment; Anchorhead; And So It Goes; And There is Heard no More; Annoyed Undead; Another Day, Another Sea Monster; Apocolyptica; Are you Too Chicken to Make a Deal?; Arthur Yahtzee: The Curse of Hell's Cheesecake; Auden's Eden; Balances; Bane of the Builders; Bank of Zork; Barton; Battle of the Planets; Behavior; Being the Little Guy; Blow Job Drifter; Break-In; BSE; Burnt Toast; CaffeiNation; Carnival; Cask; Cheating Death; Cheer Up; Chicken!; Coffins; Coming Home; Congratulations!; Countdown to Doom; Deadline; Death Death Death Death; December 31, 2002; Descent of Man; Destiny of the Chihuahua; Digging For Onions; Dinosaur Dinnertime!; Discord; Donkey Kong; Dragon George and The Man; Elephants and the Afterlife; Enter The Ninja; Escape from the Starship Zenon; Eschew as if you were She; Falling Angel; Fear; Fifteen; Fine-Tuned; Finding Henry; Fish and Spaceships; Flat; Flexible Pants; Floyd; For A Change; Friar Bacon's Secret; Friday Afternoon; Frozen; Garden of the Dragon; Generic Title; Getting to know the General; Got Toast?; Gourmet; Guitar of the Immortal Bard; Hallowe'en; Hallway; Hank Buzzcrack Has A Job To Do, God Damn It; Heist; Here Be Dragons!!!; Heroes; How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down?; I Never Promised You a Nose Guard; Identity Thief; In the Spotlight; Infiltration on Io; Inspiration; Internal Documents; Jacks or better to murder, Aces to win; Jane; Jigsaw; Jump; Kids Shouldn't Have to Save The World; Koan; La Lagune de Montaigne; Large Machine; Last Days of Doom; Lists And Lists; Literacy; Little Blue Men; Lomalow; Losing Your Step; Madame L'Estrange and the Troubled Spirit; Moon Over Jupiter; Music Education; MythTale; Nalian; Need! More! Toast!; Nine Points; Nostradamus's Onion Sandwich; Not Made With Hands; NPC Engine Demo Story; Offensive Probing; On The Cross; Once; One Night In The North Atlantic; OnNoEf; Orpington; Oth.; Pantheon, Party On; Pants On The Run; Pantsless in Seattle; Passenger; Peter Theta Fixes The Holodeck; Phred Phontius and the Quest for Pizza; Pick Up the IF-Archive and Pi; Pick Up the Phone Booth and Die; Pick Up the Phone Booth and Dye; Piece of Mind; Pintown; Pirates and Ninjas and Aliens, Oh My!; Practical Astrology; Pryde And The Pink Flamingo; Punk Points; Rent-A-Spy; Purple; Return to Doom; Revenge of the Chalupa; Revenger; Romeo, Juliet and the Dog; Rowr!; Runes; Samurai Tea Room; Scary House Amulet!; Schroedinger's Cat; Sea Captains; Secret Agent; Service With a Smile; Shattered Memory; Silicon Castles; Sinking the Lily Jane; Slacker X; So Far; Soul-Searching; Sparky and Boots; Speed IF #2; SpeedIF 19; Spitting Crumbs; Statue; Stupid Kittens; Symetry; Tales From The College Presents A Breath Of Fresh Blair; Tapestry; Taxes; Tears Keep Getting In My Dr. Pepper; Tears May Fall; The Acorn Court; The Blair Bee Project; The Body; The Case of Samuel Gregor; The Circus of Sadness; The Count of Monte Cristo; The Courier Who Missed Me; The Crouton Caper; The Damsel and the Dragon; The Death of Two Great Minds; The Evil Sorcerer; The Grade 3 Parallax; The Great Ritual; The Hand That Rocks The Pumpkin; The Lake; The Lobster; The Magic Toyshop; The Masque of the Last Faeries; The Meteor, the Stone and a Long Glass of Sherbet; The Mulldoon Legacy; The Mulldoon Murders; The Oily Deeps; The Old Sherwood Cemetary; The Parallax Moon Bar Conspiracy; The Pickpocket; The Possibility of Life's Destruction; The Profesee; The Pumpkin; The Pumpkin Contest; The Ritual of Purification; The Sofa at the End of the Universe; The Spot; The Spy Who Always Wears Gloves Now; The Statuette; The Tower of Beef; The Town Dragon; The Unfortunate Training of Frank Lee, Monkey Butler To Be; The Weapon; The Wedding; Three Steps to the Left; Tightest; Time: All things come to an end; Timeout; Titanic: Leo's Revenge; Tommy the Toaster; Tooth Ow Zunden Too; Tooth Ow Zunden Won!; Toxic Sewage (A (Love) Story); Tragedy strikes at the XYZZY awards!; Trapped in a One-Room Dilly; Travels in the Land of Erden; Total Paddling Mania; Transfer; Triple Bear Beer; Triumphant Return of the Evil Sea Grape; Twilight of the Dogs; Under Cover Of Darkness; Upwards and Onwards; Vacationing in Scotland; Vindaloo; Visitor; Visualizing; What Dreams May Come; When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Firetruck; Where Evil Dwells; Why did the Dino cross the Road?; William Tell: The Game!!!!!!!!!!!; Withdraval Symptoms; Wooden Cat vs. Robot Monkey; worm; You Are Here; (You're) Toast!; Zig-zy; Zugzwang
That's not a verb I recognise.
And don't bother trying "plugh".
"It seems very pretty,"
she said when she had finished it,
"but it's RATHER hard to understand!"
(You see, she didn't like to confess,
even to herself, that she couldn't
make it out at all.)
— Intro to Jabberwocky
That's not a verb I recognize. — A speedIF O entry; Armario de Auga; Dead Of Winter; Dinner With Andre; Genie; Hey, I'm Supposed to Be Free Range; Hunter, in Darkness; LASH: Local Asynchronous Satellite Hookup; Lazy Gods; Marble Madness; Only After Dark; Potsticker; Rox; Shade; Squeaky On The Moon; Sylenius Mysterium; The Angel Curse; The Best Man; The Crescent City at the Edge of Disaster
That's not a verb you need to use. — Photopia
NEWER That's what we're here for, yes. — Yay Games
The chariot hears your thoughts, and with a twist, you are under the overcast skies of Xyzzy. — Dreams Run Solid
The chariot must be halted before it can travel to another Existence. You wouldn't want it to fracture, would you? — Dreams Run Solid
The customer isn't always right; everyone is always wrong. — The Atomic Heart
The dead body whispers, "Plugh." — Fido and The Dead Body
The detective stepped cautiously north into the small closet. Well lit from an unseen source, the closet revealed a few rumply clothes on hangers and a knick-knack or two but nothing remotely relevant to the case. Ed left the way he came, walking north back into the hallway.
He emerged in a dimly lit drawing room that smelled of zinnias and old dust. Bending down, Ed examined a piece of wooden wood. "This could come in handy," the detective mused as he picked it up.
Just then, a celebrity walked into the room from the east! Ed screamed and pulled the trigger on his pistol. Too late ... — This Is The Toaster
The framastructure buzzes and lights up briefly.
The framastructure emits a high-pitched squeal and glows purple-and-yellow. You smell coal burning.
You feel an uniMAGINABLE burst of guilty pleasure. This belongs to the Snugleys! Ooh, ahh ... There's that -- eow! Did it really do THAT, down THERE? Don't let the cat see! URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR — Freedom
NEWER The ghost of Gordon Way appears and mutters something about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. — Time Place People Water Way
The ground shakes violently, making you drop everything you're carrying. Color, shapes, movement -- before you can figure out what's happening, three full-sized brightly colored dinosaurs surround you. The brontosaurus steps on you, the pterodacyl scratches you, and then the tyrannosaurus rex eats you alive.
Who says magic is dead?
*** You have died *** — Dino Hunt
The imp-man breaks off his conversation and gives you a dirty look. "Amateur!" he mutters. — Harlequin Girl (→)
The man glances at you. "That's an amateur spell. The only good spells are said in Latin. The best spells are said in Latin backwards." — Harlequin Girl (→)
The name of old, lost magic briefly echoes, then is gone. — Nevermore
The rings silently spin, and finally come to rest reading:
"The voice speaks hollowly." — Wheel
The room spins wildly, and suddenly you have pinched a loaf in your trousers! — Outsided
The shadows shift subtly. Perhaps it would not be wise to draw attention to yourself by uttering those words. — Theatre
The strange word, though meaningless, endows you with a brief flush of confidence and self-assurance. — City of Secrets
The timeless word temporarily integrated me. — The Djinni Chronicles
The wierd word (how, on Earth, could someone come up with something like that? - it's so strange! "XYZZY"... Damn!) transports you to a better place - reality! Lucky you thought of that...
[then the game quits] — The Fat Lardo And The Rubber Ducky
The word escapes your mouth like a gentle zephyr and swirls in the air around you. You can feel powerful forces gathering, like a static charge before a storm. You glance around in anticipation. A long moment passes, but nothing happens. You begin to fear that something has gone truly awry with the fabric of the universe. — Sunset Over Savannah
The word escapes your mouth like a gentle zephyr and swirls in the air around you. You can feel powerful forces gathering, like a static charge before a storm. You glance around in anticipation. A long moment passes, but nothing happens. Then, a distant bass rumble begins, somewhere far, far away. You can feel the distant vibrations in the soles of your feet, and the rumbling grows steadily louder and louder until you fear an earthquake must be approaching. The surf becomes violently choppy, throwing up pounding waves that come crashing onto shore. Then, in the eastern distance, an incredible sight. Some... thing, some enormous, unimaginably big thing as big as an island rises from the sea, rivulets of water streaming down its back and sides. Even from here you can see that its rugged, craggy flesh is cut through with channels like ancient ravines, from which sprout entire forests of flora. A mouth wide enough to swallow your entire hotel is lined with jagged, discolored teeth at least as big as you are, and one cold, round eye the size of a wading pool penetrates the distance to stare right at you. You can actually feel the impossible beast considering you, as if judging the worth of your very soul, and you shrivel beneath the intense scrutiny of that piercing eye. The examination seems to drag on forever, until at last, the eye turns away. The incredible mouth slowly draws open in a terrifying grimace that seems to drain half the ocean, and a sound like all the trumpets of heaven proclaiming judgment day thunders across the beach, rattling every stick and bone in its path. The echoes are still reverberating up and down the beach moments later, when the beast heaves its massive, ponderous bulk back beneath the waves. As it disappears once more into the sea, a name from the old testament suddenly pops into your head. Leviathan. And as the crashing surf slowly returns to its once gentle nature, you realize that whatever verdict was decided here today will remain forever hidden from you beneath the implacable depths. — Sunset Over Savannah
The word of power resonates strangely, and all color is momentarily bled from your view. The air seems too tangible. — The Newcomer
NEW The word "xyzzy" comes unbidden to your mind. A barbaric word. You ask around, but none of your courtiers seem to know what it means." — Jobs for Antioch! (→)
The word "xyzzy" doesn't work that way. — Spyder and Jeb
The word “xyzzy” is not necessary in this story. — Death's Scavenger Hunt; Eric's Gift
The word 'xyzzy' isn't in your vocabulary. — Deadline
There have been other worlds in your experience that a few well-placed words could bend or change. But this place seems not responsive to such control. — Metamorphoses
There is a puff of smoke. Something lands in your hands.
You have a fool.
A tiny doll tricked out in a harlequin's outfit. When you turn it over in your hands, you see that its back is missing, leaving the fool hollow. There is a matching hole where its larynx should be. — Losing Your Grip
There was no verb in that sentence! — The Lurking Horror
There's a listening sort of silence. — Harrington House
There's no time for fancy words. Just enter the vortex. — Artifiction (← →)
They don't pay you enough for that. — Chickens of Distinction
This being Fairyland, every word is a magic word. — Jack's Adventures
This game was written for speedIF ToasterComp II:
You must write a *very* short game -- as short and tiny and meaningless as you want -- involving any, all, or none of the following: toast, toasters, bagels, scones, English muffins, jam, High Tea, or magical glvoes grabbing chocolate candies out of the television set. You have two hours -- bonus points if you get done in one hour. — A Monkey Stole Your Toast!
This game was written for speedIF U:
Write a game set (at least in part) in either Asgard, a TV studio, or on or near a railroad. The game should feature Death (the anthropomorphic representation), Radical Al, and/or any member of the Little Rascals. Said person should either have or need socks, a feather boa, a robot, a rutabaga, or an aeroplane. Bonus points for including a rodeo, a Vault, anything ruffled, or any the word "riccochet". You have two hours to finish (for full credit -- up to three hours for partial). Go! — Reality Railroad
This game was written for "SpeedIF Xyzzy". The parameters were as follow:
This year, a very special XYZZY awards ceremony will coincide with the anniversary of the invention of cheese. One of the presenters is scheduled to be either Stephen Bishop or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. But alas, tragedy has struck! This tragedy will somehow involve, or possibly be solved by, a fruit basket filled with mangoes and/or Psmith.
Bonus points will be awarded for mention of the numbers 21351 or 4+3i, giant squids, ramen, cork nuts, or yesterday. Feel free to take liberties, but not without my baby. Ready? Go! — Behold!
Though you do command much magical talent, this isn't the way to use it. — Bad Guys
Though you're not entirely sure why, merely saying that brings a smile to your face. — Happy Ever After
Try typing it again. — Custard
[Note: Custard plays havok with player input if it detects that the user is trying to enter "xyzzy".]
TUBE TROUBLE is a mini-adventure by Richard Tucker, based on a 1988 BBC Micro game by Richard Tucker and Damian Gamble. Gareth Rees made many helpful suggestions. It was created with Inform, Graham Nelson's infocom-format adventure game compiler, and may be copied freely.
As this is a short, silly, unreasonable game, you may be killed without warning.
Please email bugs and comments to [eaddress omitted]. — Tube Trouble
** Library error 11 (72,0) **
Apparently Ornomir has special magic-word-proof enchantments installed in his lair. — Guard Duty
Unfortunately, you never quite finished Elementary Enchanting 101, so you have no idea how to cast, or even learn, that spell. If indeed it is a spell. — Frobozz Magic Support
Unknown verb. — 1981
Unrecognised verb — Insider Information
Warning: @xyzzy called with object 0 (PC = 99b8) (will ignore further occurrences) — Six Stories
Watch your language! — Jewel of Knowledge
Watching it on TV wasn't enough? — It Could Only Happen To You
Welcome to the xyzzy transport service!
There are no locked door/time sensitive puzzles in this game. So, by using the xyzzy command, you are allowed to jump to any room in the game that you have previously visited. Simply enter the number appearing next to the room you want to travel to at the "XYZZY>" prompt.
XYZZY> — On The Farm
Well, having missed countless speedifs, this is my first entry. Very late. Enjoy...IF YOU DARE.
The parameters? "Your game will be set on one or several floor(s) of a thirty- story building in Manhattan. At the beginning of the game, it's ten in the evening on December 31, 2002. On every floor, the New Year's bash is going on -- the people in their high-rise apartments, the rented out function halls, even the office workers stuck here late. Fireworks are scheduled to begin over the water promptly at midnight. Unfortunately, the building will be taken over by terrorists at eleven-thirty -- they've infiltrated the maintenance staff and have been surreptitiously placing bombs in various locations throughout the building during the past few months, all set to go off at different times later that evening if their demands aren't met."
Why not...visit my website! http://www.track0.f2s.com. No, wait, don't visit it. It sucks. — A Stroll on the Roof
What? — Chateu Le Mont
"What?" — Not Much Time
What do you want to xyzzy? — Informatory
What kind of talk is that? I'm not Encyclopedia Britannia y'know. — Werner's Quest Part 3
What in the world did you expect that to do here? I have to give you credit for trying, and consider yourself one of the l33t for trying it out, even though I don't know enough to actually implement a scoring system. — Assignment
What on earth do you mean by that? — Werner's Quest Part 4
When you say the word the tik-tok flinches back, but nothing else happens. — Constraints (from WalkthruComp)
When you speak the magic word, you find yourself unexpectedly provided with a new cylinder of shining metal!! — Savoir-Faire
Which xyzzy do you mean? The xyzzy or the xyzzy? — Six Stories
While attempting the complex hand movements to accompany the spell, you inadvertently drop the letters you were carrying.
This time it works: you pick up the dropped letters. — Letters From Home
[Note: the letters are now sorted alphabetically in your inventory.]
Wizards are tolerated in Dwenodon, even revered by some. but here in the Western Lands, and at Stonebrook in particular, they are feared and hated. People who are heard to mutter magic words can often find themselves in serious trouble with the locals. — Dwenodon
Would an Australian art thief make his escape postheist? — Ribbons
Wrong game. — Cough Cough
'xyzzy'? I don't know that word. — Crystal Ball; Even Bantams Get The Blues; Unity
"xyzzy" is a word I don't know...sorry! — Hercules First Labor
xyzzy muttered an ancient curse under his breath to no avail. — The Beetmonger's Journal
'xyzzy'? [That word is not recognised.] — Out of the Study; Puddles on the Path
'xyzzy'? [That word isn't recognised.] — Sardoria
'xyzzy'? That word is not understood. — Leaves
'xyzzy'? We're not aware of that word. — The Isolato Incident
Xyzzy. Xyzzy... That seems familiar to you for a moment, but then your mind travels elsewhere. — Sparrow's Song
"xyzzy... xyzzy... XYZZY!!", you shout, the power of the word echoing around you. And yet, nothing happens. — Thorfinn's Realm
'xyzzy'? You can't remember that word. — On a Horse With No Name
"Xyzzy!" you cry, calling on the gods of old... but nothing changes. — Inevitable
“Xyzzy!” you say. A hollow voice says, “Yeah, like that ever works.”
On closer inspection, the voice stems from the fishbowl.
“Xyzzy!” you say. “Is this normal police procedure?” asks the evil brain.
“Xyzzy!” you say. “I'm sure you've solved a lot of cases this way,” blubs the evil brain.
“Xyzzy!” you say. Nothing obvious happens. — Evil Brain Five
“XYZZY” you say to yourself. — Temple of Kaos
"Xyzzy!" you shout, but there's no one around to hear.
The Validator says, "I think it's an excellent idea to xyzzy right now!" — The Frenetic Five vs. Mr. Redundancy Man
"Xyzzy!" you shout, rallying your troops to battle. They look at you like you're nuts. — The Frenetic Five vs. Sturm und Drang; The Frenetic Five vs. The Seven Deadly Dwarves
NEW "Xyzzy." You speak the word, half expecting it to be the key to a magic spell. But no, it is just a codeword, no more. You feel foolish. — Jobs for Antioch! (→)
Yeah, I can read it.
Nothing, obviously, happens. — Return to Zork: Another Story
Yo ho ho! — A scurvy gift for Bosn Chuck
You a hear voice from across a vast distance of time and space, "That's Magic! Not a lot."
[Your score has just gone up by three points.] — Spacestation
You apply a great deal of concentration, and find yourself walking into another place.
This room is brilliantly lit from all directions. In fact, it is unclear where the walls and ceiling end. A doorway leads to the west, and tunnels lead in most other directions, although all but one are boarded up. An archway stands at the south end of the hall.
Visible exits: south (to Dorm A), west (to the Adventurer's Lounge), southwest (to the Big Dig)
You can see a pile of ashes, a note and the Official ifMUD Bulletin Board here. — Are You A Chef?
You apply a great deal of concentration, and find yourself walking into another place.
This room is brilliantly lit from all directions. In fact, it is unclear where the walls and ceiling end. Doorways lead to the east and west, and tunnels open up in most other directions. An archway stands at the south end of the hall.
You can see:
a torch in a wall sconce, Object #1000, sign, Long Hall map, cow orkers, slide, potential action list
south, north, west, east, southwest, southeast, northeast, northwest, up
[Wow, you're on the IFmud!!! Whee! For kicks, you walk west...]
Candles on the wood-panelled walls create a comfortably dark atmosphere. Hand- drawn maps are taped to nearly every surface - the walls, the ceiling, the trophy case in the corner. Seating is plentiful. A small storage closet is to the north.
You can see:
Blob, wooden wood, keychain, Clive, Fanboy, fairy
east, north, west, up
[Hmmmmm... there seems to be a conversation going on!]
Fanboy says, "You see, I've never really understood what was so great about Zork. I hate zork. It has no continuity and makes no sense. However, Deadline, which is essencially puzzleless is near perfect interactive fiction as the name implies."
Clive says (to Fanboy), "Deadline had plenty of puzzles. For instance, the maze in the wine cellar under the house."
Fanboy says, "What maze in the wine cellar under the house/"
Clive says (to Fanboy), "Not to mention the infamous FCD#3"
Fanboy says (to Clive), "I'm confused."
Clive says, "The thing that was annoying about Deadline was all the little colored rods you had to pick up... it was a really transparent way to copy the treasures idea from Zork."
Fanboy says (to Clive), "We are not talking about the same game."
Clive says (to Fanboy), "Sure we are."
Fanboy says (to Clive), "Deadline did not have any colored rods nor a maze in the wine cellar."
Clive says, "I didn't like Witness, because it had all these dumb subplots where you had to follow the various characters around. Find the will, find the secret room, etc."
Fanboy says (to Clive), "Now you are describing Deadline."
Clive exclaims (to Fanboy), "You don't know what you're talkijg about!"
Clive says, "I am an Infocom expert."
[Alright, you feel you've had enough...]
You are back to your normal surroundings now. — Death To My Enemies
You are instantly and seamlessly transported to an alternative universe where all the familiar objects around you have been replaced by sinister copies that look and act exactly like the originals. On the other hand, perhaps nothing happened at all. — English Suburban Garden
You are instantly transported to your present location. — The Story of Morris the Chicken Being Helped by a Squirrel
You are magically transported to an astounding cave containing many wonderful treasures. Unfortunately it is very dark there. You eventually fall into a pit.
*** You have died *** — Cheater
You are magically transported to the only room in this game! — Competition '98
You are magically transported to the only room in this game!
(Results from past years are available in the instructions--type 'info') — Competition Aught-Two; Competition Aught-Three
You are still lost in the grass. — Artifiction (← →)
You are suddenly overcome with nostalgia for the good old days, when adventurers who spoke in two-word sentences and slew dragons with their bare hands... — Aayela
You are teleported to the realm of the Dragon Snarclackle.
what do you mean my disterbing my sleep? yells Dragon Snarclackel. I spent I lifetime getting into that sleep, and now it's *gone*. I tell you what. If you can find me 3 Red snakes and the famous stick with the crooked end, and a ball of string, I'll let you go! Nobody escapes the Dragon Snarclackle! You have, er, uh 23, um, hours or else, I'll.......SNOOOOOOOOOOOOORE.....SOUND_OF_SNOOOOOOZING. The Dragon Snarclakel suddenly falls off the cliff and lands on you, and you wake up and you are back at the Building of Silli Productions. — Return to Silli Productions
You are transported elsewhere, then back here. Along the way, a TV set breaks, and you munch on tasty celery. — The Carthage Corn Maze
You attempt to speak the sacred Word of Power, but find your throat stuck all of a sudden. You cannot say anything!
"Many fools have made the same mistake. Once such fool set off the Exodus which trapped Thran...," booms an unseen voice.
"DO NOT CONTINUE IN YOUR INSOLENCE!," it screams!
Your power of speech returns, and you make a quick vow never to speak that terrible word again. — Stargazer: Prologue
You can almost hear the former presidents laughing at you. — The Adventures of the President of the United States
You can chant all the magic words you want, but it won't clean your home. — Basket of Destiny
You can't do that. — To Otherwhere And Back
You can't go that way. — Ghost Ship
You can't speak with the gag in your mouth. — And the Waves Choke the Wind (→)
You can't use the word "xyzzy". — Aggravatron; Doom, Death, Destruction and All That; Down; Leather; Madrigals of War and Love; Persistence of Memory; Scavenger Hunt; The Chicken's Dilemma; The loneliness of the long distance runner; The Onion of Destiny; Will The Real Marjorie Hopkirk Please Stand Up?
You don't have an issue of the magazine handy. Oh, that WAS what you meant, wasn't it? — The House of the Stalker
You don't need to use 'xyyzy' as a verb to complete the game. — Invasion of the Angora Fetish Transvestites from the Graveyards of Jupiter
You feel a little dizzy. Suddenly green characters start falling from the ceiling and walls. More and more green rain appears, except for Alice who glows in gold. Maybe you should not have eaten those yellow pills. You blink with your eyes and the green rain is gone. Everything looks like it should. You now know it is only a computer simulation, but somehow it feels strangely reassuring. — little girl in the big world
You feel a momentary thrill of excitement, but then it passes. — Hey, Jingo!
You feel an indescribable sense of deja vu, and the world seems to turn inside out.
It is pitch dark, and you can't see a thing.
Fortunately, you studied well in the old days. Once again, you find yourself in the... — She's Got A Thing For Spring
You feel like your elsewhere. Looking around you remember that you are. — Lurk. Unite. Die. Invent. Think. Expire.
You game will be set on one or several floor(s) of a thirty-story building in
Manhattan. At the beginning of the game, it's ten in the evening on December 31,
2002. On every floor, the New Year's bash is going on -- the people in their
high-rise apartments, the rented out function halls, even the office workers
stuck here late. Fireworks are scheduled to begin over the water promptly at
midnight. Unfortunately, the building will be taken over by terrorists at
eleven-thirty -- they've infiltrated the maintenance staff and have been
surreptitiously placing bombs in various locations throughout the building
during the past few months, all set to go off at different times later that
evening if their demands aren't met.
Each author will get one floor in the building as their own. You're free to use unused floors to a degree, but try not to do too much that'd interfere with other people's games. — 2604
You have a sudden vision of a small white house with a mailbox in front. — Toonesia
You have a sudden vision of a maze of twisty passages, all alike. — Toonesia
You have a vague feeling of unease after pronouncing that word. — Domicile
You have decided to take a mail-order course (in vacuum repair, basketweaving, chicken plucking, or monkey butlering) to improve your lot in life. But can you get your homework done and still attend a shooting of the Antiques Roadshow and/or When Bankers Attack, in which you are to be a featured player? Bonus points for including the colors scarlet, rose, paisley, or pastrami. Extra double bonus points for including a cardboard cut-out of Graham Nelson. You have two hours, starting at 9:30 MUDtime. Go! — Help! My Vacuum Cleaner Is Broken!
You have no need to use the ancient power right now. — A Walk Through Forever
You haven't given out that hint in ages. — When Help Collides
You hear a deep voice out of the air next to your right ear. It says 'Crowther and Woods, please report to the mall office.' You jump. — Beat the Devil
You hear a hollow voice coughing in embarrassment as though it were caught off-guard without a witty response on hand. — The Landing
You hear a hollow voice coughing in embarrassment as though it were caught off-guard without a witty response to hand. — Six Stories
You hear a hollow voice proclaim “Gummi Bears -- they hibernate in your colon!” — A Gummi Bear's Night Out
You hear a hollow voice say 'I Like a Cow.' — Leatherworld
You hear a hollow voice say 'Mmmm... beer.' — Zymurgy
You hear a hollow voice say 'SpeedIF doth murder sleep.' — The Weird Sister
You hear a hollow voice say "That's got to be a Ukrainian word." — The Tenyaka Memorial of Vegreville
You hear a hollow voice saying “I’ll have a cornetto, please.” — Pick Up the Ice Cream Truck and Die
You hear a small voice say, "Hollow, indeed." — Small World
You here a loud cry, "Dragons, Eeagh!!!" — The Last Laugh
You hold your tongue. Such utterances are still punishable by death. And you don't wish to start hearing voices again. — August
You feel your mouth form the beginning of the word...
...and there's that funny feeling of disconnect as you break the fourth wall, force information into your avatar that isn't part of the program, that comes from outside. For just a moment the avatar circuits register doubt, confusion, a hint of self-awareness...
And then you're sitting back in the control room, scrubbing at your eyes with the palm of your hand. Someone holds a cup of water under your nose.
"You didn't finish the scenario," says a voice, up and to the left.
A cool reassuring hand on the back of your neck, another voice answering: "Leave her alone for a minute! God!"
You don't answer either of them. Your gaze is fixed on the monitors: in the test room your avatar has fallen slack, no longer receiving your commands. You sip at the water, trying to feel like yourself again.
"I don't know," you say finally. "I don't think it's going to sell. Too cerebral."
*** The End *** — Galatea
You invoke a word of power... [credits omitted] — And the Waves Choke the Wind (→)
You invoke an ancient word of power. A wrenching sensation wracks your body, and you find yourself... — Unnkulian Underworld: The Unknown Unventure
You invoke an ancient word of power, and a hollow voice whispers in your ear, "Quiet, please. No talking in the library."
[Your score has just gone up by one point.] — All Quiet on the Library Front
You invoke an ancient word of power. So ancient, in fact, that it no longer works. Nothing happens. — Unnkulian Unventure II: The Secret of Acme
You listen intently for a hollow response, but hear nothing. — Six Stories
You lose yourself in a distant fantasy.
You say the keyword. The man jerks like a lightning-struck tree at the sound of your voice, but it is too late.
You snap out of your fantasy and look around, a little twitchier and sweatier. — Pop Music and Chocolate
You mouth the meaningless word. — Constraints (from WalkthruComp)
You mumble some random syllables for no apparent reason, and, surprisingly, nothing happens. — The Trip
You murmer "Xyzzy," but nothing happens. — Masquerade; The Cove
You murmur the Ancient Word Of Power, and a Hollow Voice fellates you to orgasm. — Stiffy Mackane: The Undiscovered Country
[Note: To experience the accompanying animation and sound, you'll have to play the game.]
You murmur "Xyzzy," but nothing happens. — Prized Possession; Redemption
You mutter a nonsense word, and, surprisingly, the Edifice trembles in response! Everything else goes silent, and for a moment, it sounds as if the Edifice might collapse! Finally, it stills, and the world returns to normal.
You seem to have created a Word of Power. — The Edifice (→)
You mutter the spell, but nothing happen here. — Harlequin Girl (→)
You practice your alphabet again, but stumble at the point where you reach the end and try going backwards. — 1893: A World's Fair Mystery
You raise your hands upwards, calling on the strength and spirits of your ancestors proclaiming, "XYZZY!"
Of course, nothing happens, but no one noticed you making a fool of yourself. — One Foot Down
You realize that the hot dog you ate earlier today contained a stick of dynamite. You explode. Fortunately, since you're a toon, this doesn't do you much damage. — Toonesia
You regret dropping out of Magic 101 at college. — The Temple
You remember hearing that word from some little grom on the beach last year. You have no idea what it means, but it sounds way cool. — Reverberations
You shout 'XYZZY'.
A moment later you hear Sharon respond. “Hahah, Louie, that only works in text adventures, not in real life!” — The Recruit
You speak an ancient word of power. A hollow voice says, "No chance, chucko. This is a serious adventure. Shape up and fly right!" — Unnkulia Zero
You speak the ancient word of power. Then you realize you look absolutely silly doing so. — Kissing the Buddha's Feet
You speak the ancient word of power. When you realize that it does jack diddly, you slap your hand to your forehead and exclaim, "D'OH!" — The One That Got Away
You speak the arcane word of power and - nothing happens. Maybe your voice isn't hollow enough. In any case, you'll have to find another way to get out of here. — Artifiction (←)
NEW You speak the codeword "Xyzzy" to the PA authority's leader, and she gives you all of the LLL documents, just as Mbogo had promised. In the next few years, your researchers come to perfect the manufacture of this drug, this "Viagra", and a large proportion of the population become employed in its production. Tourism, too, begins to pick up again. Having the real True Cross to show visitors is a big draw, of course, and it helps that the Seljuks are staying quiet. For now, at least.
***You have returned prosperity to Antioch.*** — Jobs for Antioch! (→)
You stand defiantly, look the king straight in the eye and say, "XYZZY!"
There is a brief pause. Then he punches you in the stomach. — The Invisible Argonaut
You sure could use some magic right about now. — A Moment of Hope
You think you can hear Merlin laughing at you somewhere. — King Arthur's Night Out; Lost in New York
You try, but you don't know how to pronounce it, so it doesn't work. — Roots
You type in a magic word and get a snarky response. — Fit For A Queen
You utter a word of Power, and the room trembles in response! One by one, the games in the room begin to tremble and vibrate, phasing in and out with the room until they disappear completely. Then the 'unsorted' bin begins to rattle, and, as you watch, it fills up with a new batch of games.
Ah. There you go. You seem to be back where you started. — Competition '99; Competition Aught-One; Competition Aught-Zero
You utter a word of Power, and the room trembles in response! One by one, the games in the room begin to tremble and vibrate, phasing in and out with the room until they disappear completely. Then the 'unsorted' bin begins to rattle, and, as you watch, it fills up with a new batch of games.
Odd, though. None of these games look even remotely familiar. And there's something strange about the air... — Competition '99
You utter a word of Power, and the room trembles in response! One by one, the games in the room begin to tremble and vibrate, phasing in and out with the room until they disappear completely. Then the 'unsorted' bin begins to rattle, and, as you watch, it fills up with a new batch of games.
The games all look new but something seems... ancient about them. As if you had gone back in time. — Competition '99
The games all look new but something seems... ancient about them. As if you had gone back in time. The paper on the wall seems to have changed, too. — Competition Aught-One; Competition Aught-Zero
You utter an ancient word of power, but all that happens is that your wife appears, shakes her head at you in disbelief and mutters something about "Dreaming again were we dear?" — Biscuit
You utter the ancient Zulu curse under your breath...
...but nothing happens. — Concrete Paradise
You utter the epic battle cry of the Space Force and you can almost hear a responding YO SPACE FORCE! being shouted from the thousands of pairs of lungs of troopers who have gone before you. — Enlisted
You utter the magic words but nothing happens. Yet. — Dr. Dumont's Wild P.A.R.T.I.
You vanish in a puff of smoke. When the smoke clears, your surroundings have changed.
You are in a vast underground chamber. Rivulets of ochre ichor line the walls, reflecting light from an unseen source. From afar you can hear a cheerful little bird singing.
Some graffiti scrawled on the wall says: MAGIC WORD XYZZY. But you already knew that. — Dragon Resources Stories
You wait a minute and nothing happens. Guess you'll have to figure this out the old-fashioned way. — Adoo's Stinky Story
You wave your hands, but nothing seems to happen. — Letters From Home
You would do well not to say any words of power. Vox Animae needs no further warning of your activities. — Constraints (from WalkthruComp)
You xyzzy deave, unheamily. — The Gostak
You’d think a fancy graphic game like this would show you a pretty picture of some room from Adventure, or at least something flashy for your trouble.
Yeah, well. — Arrival, or Attack of the B-Movie Clichés
You're a scientist, not an idiot. — Till Death Makes A Monk-Fish Out Of Me
You're a superhero, not a magician. — Another Earth, Another Sky
You're excused. — Screen
You're only half right.
You're only half right.
About The Author: Mike Synder is (as of September 1999) a 27-year-old technology coordinator for Accu-Scan (www.accu-scan.com) and the co-owner of Prowler Productions (www.prowler-pro.com). For more information about me, visit my personal page on the web at www.prowler-pro.com/mike. — Lunatix: The Insanity Circle
You're really at your wits' ends' aren't you? — The House
Your grade school teacher appears and waves an unnaturally long index finger at you. "Now, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT REMEMBERING TO PUT YOUR NAME IN THE UPPER RIGHT HAND CORNER OF EVERY PAGE .... " Drops of sweat appear on the teacher's bald domed head.
Rough stone steps lead up the dome.
[any player input]
The teacher disappears! — SpeedApocalypse
Your heart stops. You keel over and pass into darkness. — Vicious Cycles
Your interrogator, in a tired--yet hollow--voice, mumbles "Fool." — Chicken and Egg
Your sense of balance seems to shift, but you realize that it is just wishful thinking. Nothing happens. No magic works here. — A Rock and a Hard Place; Your Choice
Your senses are assaulted by a vision...
You are in a misty little haze of massages, all alike.
The vision passes. — Phlegm
Your senses reel, you feel a bit dizzy and you are...
You are standing in a small cavern. The sunlight pours in from the clearing to the west. The second exit is a narrow crawl to the northeast.
A barely readable inscription on the southern wall reads 'Magic Word:'. The magic word itself, however, has been washed out by the ravages of time.
The nasty gnome is here. He is obviously bored.
The gnome looks startled. With a stupid expression on his face, he exclaims: "Now what was that?!", obviously astonished. — The Land Beyond the Picket Fence
Your surroundings have changed! Oh, wait. Scratch that. I must have experienced a momentary hallucination. I guess you'll just have to walk wherever you want to go. — Wearing the Claw
Zeese are ze parameteurs of ze Speed-If Trop Tarde number vingt-et-quelque chose. You will note zey are veary veary zilly.
The player, a telepathic fish in disguise (or possibly a costume), must infiltrate the Franco-Texan Embassy and quash their diabolical plan, involving some of the following:
castor-oil filled pinatas
Kangaroo Sushi Chefs
the recently-back-from-Hell Dr Faustus
Extra points for mentioning:
Caribbean-island-shaped hors d'oeuvres
the 51st State
too many words beginning with Z
Disco or break dancing is *strictly* required.
Zis was begun at 11.44am BST on 19/3/3 & finished 17:06. — The Canapes of Death
There is no single applicable message for FailSafe. That game returns one of a large variety of 'I don't understand you' type messages, instead. To say more than that is a spoiler.
It's a similar story with Forbidden Castle; its generic responses include:
Rape, Pillage, Galore! almost ignores what the user types and comes up with a randomized message in response to it.
A Man Named Bill won't let you type in "xyzzy" or anything else. Well, you can type stuff, but anything you type is replaced with pre-determined input.
The Esperanto game, La Insulo Texel,
tries to be helpful by replacing 'x' with 'sh' and 'y' with 'jh'
in the player's input, resulting in this bizarre exchange:
And some games like Little Billy or Sweet Dreams don't let you type anything at all. Just point 'n' click. Promoted uses menus for input.
Do you want to see the PLUGH responses page now? Or Rick Adams's Everything you ever wanted to know about the magic word XYZZY page?
Home / IF / dswxyz(a)look*ca / Last Updated: August 2004.