Taoism: Shit happens

Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens."

Buddhism: Shit happening is an illusion.

Islam: Shit happening is the will of Allah.

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.

Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?

Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Christian Science: If shit happens, pray and it will go away.

Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.

Atheism: Shit happens for no reason.

Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

Hare Krishna: Shit happens, shit happens, shit happens...

Stoicism: Shit happens. I can take it.

Jehovah's Witnesses: Let us in and we'll tell you why shit happens.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit and see what happens.