LOVE

Interpersonal Attraction --Why we like/dislike others

Several factors determine attraction

1. PROXIMITY:
   
   Nearness makes the heart grow fonder
   -friendships/romance often begins by chance when people are brought together
   (eg. in class, at work, in neighbourhood)
   -the more frequently we are exposed to a stimulus the more we tend to like it-this
   is called the REPEATED EXPOSURE EFFECT- the more often we are exposed the
   more familiar the stimulus becomes and the more comfortable we become
   
   
2. SIMILARITY:
   
   "Birds of a feather flock together" or "Opposites attract"
   
   - contrary to popular belief, existing evidence suggests similarity wins
   -whether similarity relates to attitudes, beliefs, personality traits or sexual preference
   Why do we like those that are similar?
   -the similar person provides validation for our view or character
   -our view is correct- we feel better
   
   
3. PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
   
   Beauty may only be skin deep, but we pay a lot of attention to skin!
   -we (both men and women) are suckers for a pretty face -the effect is stronger for men
   -the physically attractive person makes us feel good
   -physical attractiveness is associated with good health, good reproduction
   -this effect occurs over a lifespan; even a 1 year old prefers the physically attractive
   -the concept of attractiveness varies somewhat from culture to culture
   -studies show that attractiveness depends on different dimensions
   -the face is found to be more attractive when it doesn't depart in a pronounced way
   from the typical face in the culture
   -studies also show a bias for body type

Theories of Love

The Six Styles of Love- John Allan Lee (Canadian Psychologist, 1973,1988)
Lee proposes six different styles of loving all of which may be present in differing degrees
for each individual.

Lee's Six Styles

Basic Love Styles	Sample Items Measuring Each Style
1.  Passionate love  (Eros)	My lover and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met.  My lover and I became emotionally involved rather quickly.
2.  Game-playing love  (Ludus)	I have sometimes had to keep two of my lovers from finding out about each other.  I can get over love affairs pretty easily and quickly.
3.  Friendship love  (Storge)	The best kind of love grows out of a long friendship.  Love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious mystical emotion.
4.  Logical love  (Pragma)	It is best to love someone with a similar background.  An important factor in choosing a partner is whether or not he/she will be a good parent.
5.  Possessive love  (Mania)	When my lover doesn't pay any attention to me, I feel sick all over.  I cannot relax if I suspect that my lover is with someone else.
6.  Selfless love  (Agape)	I would rather suffer myself than let my lover suffer.  What ever I own is my lover's to use as he/she chooses.

 

---

   

STERNBERG'S THEORY

Robert Sternberg, Yale University (1986, 1987)

TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE: Sternberg's theory that the three components-
intimacy,passion, and commitment-produce seven different kinds of love

1. Intimacy-those feelings in a relationship that promote closeness, bondedness and
connectedness

2. Passion - those drives in a loving relationship that lead to romance, physical attraction and sexual consummation

3. Commitment - a short term aspect-the decision that one person makes and the long term aspect-the commitment the person makes to maintaining that love over time

Sternberg proposes that the 3 components singly or in various combinations produce seven different kinds of love:

• Liking has only one component--intimacy. Intimate liking characterizes true friendships, where we feel bonded, warmth and closeness but not passion or long term commitment
  
  
• Infatuated love has only one component-passion and is often what we feel as love at first sight-without intimacy and commitment infatuated love may disappear suddenly
  
  
• Empty love consists of the commitment component without intimacy or passion. sometimes a stronger love deteriorates into empty love-the commitment remains, but the intimacy and passion have died. In cultures where marriage is arranged, relationships often begin as empty love
  
  
• Romantic love is a combination of intimacy and passion. Romantic lovers are bonded emotionally (as in liking) and physically through passionate arousal
  
  
• Fatuous love has the passion and commitment components but not the intimacy. This type of love is often found in whirlwind courtship and marriage where commitment is motivated by passion without the stabilizing influence of intimacy
  
  
• Companionate love consists of intimacy and commitment. This type of love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the marriage but a deep affection and commitment remains
  
  
• Consummate love is the only type that has all three components--intimacy, commitment an passion. Consummate love is the most complete form of love and it represents the ideal love relationship for which many people strive but few achieve. Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it
  
  
  

TAKE STERNBERG'S TEST FOR LOVE

 

BACK