What
makes these questions so bad is that every one is
guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or
divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is
to say dishonestly.
For example:
1
- "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this
question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been
pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm,
wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful
woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met
you."
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance
whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the
time, which was most likely one of five things:
a
- Football
b - Baseball
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance
money if you died.
|
The other questions also have only
one right answer but many wrong answers:
2
- "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this
question is,
"Yes." For those guys who feel the need to
be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes,
dear."
Wrong answers include:
a
- I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I
said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by
"love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?
|
3
- "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this
question is to confidently and emphatically state,
"No, of course not" and then quickly leave
the room.
Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you
fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question?
I was thinking about your insurance
policy. |
4
- "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The "she" in the
question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you
were staring at so hard that you almost cause a
traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just
saw.
In any case, the correct response is, "No, you
are much prettier."
Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just
pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating
such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better
personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and
thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question?
I was thinking about your insurance
policy. |
5
- "What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer:
"Dearest love, in the event of your untimely
demise,
life would cease to have meaning for me and I would
hurl myself under the front tires of the first
Domino's
Pizza truck that came my way."
That might have been the stupidest
question of the lot,
as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:
"Dear," said the wife.
"What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset,"
said the husband.
"Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.
"No, of course not, dear" said the husband.
"Don't you like being married?" said the
wife.
"Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"All right," said the husband, "I'd
remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely
hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the
husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly.
"And would you let her wear my old
clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the
husband.
"Really,"said the wife icily.
"And would you take down the pictures of me
and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to
do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her
feet.
"And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf
clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband.
"She's left-handed."
L
