June 2000

Writer: Ben Church

"Why are we here?" Xander complained once again.

"Because it's romantic." Anya said.

"Romantic?" Xander had never hear her use that word before. "Did you just say what I thought you said?"

"Our relationship has been all about sex." Anya explained, as though to a child. "We need something new, or we'll break up."

Xander looked at her for a moment. "You've been reading my mother's self help books haven't you."

"Next I'm going to learn how to lose weight through meditation."

"You come here every Wednesday?" Mikiah asked DJ.

"Oh yeah." DJ said. "Fake ID, Kareoke, what's not to like?"

"Works for me!" Christina said happily. She went with DJ to the bar. He'd made fake ID's for them all.

Casey and Peter liked the idea of the fake ID's, but were leery of the Kareoke. William shrugged, and went to see what manner of spirits they had at the bar.

On the way, he accidentally bumped a man in a black trenchcoat. "Hey!" the man said drunkenly. "Watch it Mate!"

William looked at the young man. He had bleached blond hair, and a small scar on his eyebrow. Looked like he'd seen some action. And he was completely trashed. Being both Irish and Scottish, he'd seen his share of drunk men. This was one of the drunkest.

"Sorry." William said. "My fault."

"Yeah." the man said, reeling. Then he caught his balance. "Hey, you're Irish aren't you. Or are you Scottish?"

"Yes."

The man laughed. "I like a Mick with a sense of humor. C'mon Mate I'll buy you a pint."

"Anya. I. Am. Not. Going. To. Sing." Xander said plainly. "And nothing you can say or do can make me."

"Fine. Don't sing. I'll just have a headache tonight."

"Now I know you've been talking to my mom. But that's not going to work. I know you want sex more than I do."

"Are you saying I'm a slut?!"

Christina looked over at the feuding couple and giggled. She'd already had a few shots, and things were very funny to her. She grabbed her boyfriend's hand and dragged him out onto the dance floor.

Spike noticed his new drinking buddy staring onto the dance floor. He followed his gaze, and through the double vision, managed to make out what he was looking at.

"Nice looking girl." Spike commented. "She yours?"

"Right," William said, his accent thickening the more he drank. "If she were mine don't you think I'd be out there on the dance floor with her? Instead of that..."

"Oh right. I know the situation now."

"Do you now?"

"Yeah. You love her, and she took your heart, teased you, made you think she liked you, then stomped on your heart like a cockroach."

"It wasn't quite like that."

"Oh please. Look Mate, I'm a lot older than I look, and I know women. It happened to me."

In the old days he would have killed the boy's rival to set the two up. He really was a romantic at heart. But then, in the old days he would have killed the boy.

"All right, let's hear it for DJ Macintosh!" the MC said, when DJ finished singing yet another showtune.

Xander sighed. Anya had stopped fighting with him, but he was still bored out of his mind.

"All right, now a big round of applause for our next performer, what's your name sir?"

"Spike."

Xander's head shot up. "Spike?" he exclaimed.

"Spike singing? Has the Hellmouth opened again?"

"Doubt it." Anya said, now very bored as well. "He just looks really drunk."

"Tonight is my anniversary with a very special girl." Spike slurred, barely keeping his feet. The MC got him a stool, which he accepted gratefully. "A girl that told me she loved me, then as soon as another man came by she cheated on me, then dumped me when I tried to do something about it. So Dru, where ever you are tonight, happy anniversary, and this song is for you.

"There was a time when I would, go walking backwards round the world if you said you're mine!" he sang, in a surprisingly unslurred tenor. "And I'd run blindfold down the king's road Monday morning, if you just for once arrived on time!"*

Xander's jaw dropped as he stared in shock.

"He's not bad." Anya said. She didn't sound like she meant it.

"So before you say what you desire," Spike continued. "I'm telling you now, I quit! I quit! 'Cause loving you's a job I don't need! I quit! I quit! The situation's vacant for me, ain't gonna go to work no more. Ain't gonna go to work..."

"Man." Mikiah said. "That guy's really smashed."

"You can't roll me round your tongue no more, baby! It's time to clear up your emotional, debris!"

"Take a look for me," William asked Mikiah. "Any girls looking like they wanna go comfort him?"

"And I'm so sorry I can't be your mother!"

*(Lyrics are from "I Quit" by Hepburn -- song 5 on the Buffy Soundtrack - Brendan)

Not all evil can be seen.
Not all demons can be fought hand to hand.
Some things have to be felt.
Every evil can be defeated.
The S-Men

Episode 2:
"There's Something About Christina"

Guest Starring

Xander	Anya	Spike

Chris had a one track mind. When he was concentrating on something, it was impossible to distract him. Christina had learned this early on in the relationship. The thing was to get him to concentrate on her. Unfortunately she was not able to do that tonight. He didn't have a television in his room, so he came to her room to watch a favorite movie of his.

She sighed, giving up for the moment, and decided to check her e-mail. Most of it was junk mail, inane messages sent to all Sunnydale students. But one caught her eye. From matchmaker21@yahoo.com. Curious, she opened it.

"Did you know that William still has a major crush on you? Personally, I think you and he would make a much better couple than you and Chris," it said.

"What the hell?" she muttered.

"Son of a bitch!" Chris swore. She'd not noticed him come up behind her and look over her shoulder.

She was rather perplexed, and maybe a little irritated herself. She turned and looked at him, he was angry, but was trying to reign it in.

"Who sent that?" he asked.

"I don't know,"

"I've got a pretty good idea." he said.

William looked out the window, thinking he'd heard someone scream, but now it was gone. He shrugged. Probably his imagination. All the weird things happening lately must finally be getting to him. But it was getting late, if he wanted to be able to stay awake during class he'd have to get to bed now.

But suddenly his computer alerted him to a new message on his e-mail.

One by one, each of William's friends received an e-mail alerting them to an important "fact". That Christina was ready to dump Chris for them.

Casey hummed a merry tune as he groomed himself. He combed his hair, which was already slicked back, brushed non-existent lint from his coat, and actually squeaked.

"You're in a good mood." his room mate said off handedly. "What brought this on?"

"I'm gonna go sweep a girl off her feet." he grinned. "I got a tip that Christina wants me."

"Christina's with Chris!" his room mate said.

"Not for long. She's gonna dump him for me." With that, he swept out of the room.

"Right." his room mate said to the doorway Casey had just exited. "She's gonna dump Doogie Howser to go out with the Pillsbury Dough Man."

William paced his room, not sure what to do. He loved Christina. And he'd secretly hoped that she and Chris would break up. But did he really want to be the reason? What if this meant he and Chris wouldn't be friends anymore? What if-

There was a knock at the door. He wasn't sure he wanted to answer it.

"Why would she dump Chris for you?" DJ said. "I mean, no offense."

"None taken." Mikiah said simply, sitting at his desk. "I mean, sure we're friends. But I never got any vibes that she wanted anything more than that."

"Exactly!" DJ exclaimed. "That's what I meant, but I don't express myself too well when I'm drunk."

"And, when exactly are you not drunk?" Mikiah asked, with his usual deadpan humor."

DJ laughed, and swore at him.

William had thought it might be Christina at his door. It wasn't.

"Ow!" he cried, holding his eye where Chris had hit him. Here was evidence that the e-mail he'd gotten was true. And apparently Chris had gotten wind of the change in the air as well.

"You son of a bitch." Chris swore at him, swinging at him again.

William dodged out of the way, and ducked out of the door. If there was going to be a fight he didn't want it happening in his room. There was breakable stuff in there. So he ran outside.

Mikiah stopped his car in the campus parking lot. He figured the best way to figure out what was going on was to talk it out. He found Pete smoking outside his dorm.

Pete did his best thinking when he was smoking. Unfortunately his room mate wouldn't let him smoke in the room.

"Well if we both got the same e-mail," Pete said. "Then it's probably not true." Secretly, he was disappointed. He really liked Christina. But he supposed it was just as well. He knew that William really liked her too, and he really didn't feel like dealing with a love triangle.

"Yyyeah." Mikiah agreed. "You think the others got it?"

"Probably."

"How do you think they'll deal with it?"

"William'll probably angst about it." Pete decided. Then his eyes widened. "We've got to get to Casey before he does something stupid!"

William just dodged Chris' attacks when he could, which was often. There was no way he was going to strike back. It was a misunderstanding. And Chris' reaction was perfectly reasonable. Well, from a male perspective anyway.

"Chris just calm down lad!" he said. "Ye're not thinking strait!"

"Shut up!" Chris shouted. "She's mine! I got her, and now you're trying to take her from me!"

Then something entered William. Or that's what it felt like. One minute he was calmly trying to talk Chris down, and the next...

"Ye don't love her!" he shouted back at him. This time he blocked a punch and delivered one of her own. "I do!"

Pete and Mikiah stopped short, forgetting they're original destination. "Why are Chris and William fighting?" Mikiah asked.

"My guess would be the e-mail." Pete said.

"Yeah, but aren't they two of the least excitable people on campus?"

"Casey!" Christina called out, seeing her friend crossing the quad. "I need-"

"Oh I know what you need." Casey said suavely. Or, his attempt at being suave anyway. With that, he grabbed her around the waist, and kissed her.

Christina was much stronger than most gave her credit for. Including herself. She twisted in Casey's grip, broke it, and almost broke his nose when she hit him.

"What the hell are you doing?" she shouted.

His eyes were wide in surprise. She'd thought at first that it was surprise at her attack. But she was wrong.

"What the hell made me do that?" he muttered.

Christina tried to ignore the nauseous feeling in her stomach that had resulted from what just happened. On a hunch, she muttered a quick spell, and noticed a tell-tale glow around Casey's head. Someone, or something had tampered with his brain. Such as it was.

"Oh god," she whispered. "William and Chris!" She dashed off, fearing the worst, with Casey right behind her.

"He's doing pretty well." Mikiah said. Neither he nor Pete had made a move to stop the fight. Mainly because neither combatant seemed in any danger.

"Who William?"

"No, Chris."

Pete nodded. William had been taught to fight by his mother before she died. Chris, though he worked out, didn't have any formal training.

"What the hell are you doing?" Christina called out, arriving on the scene. But neither Chris or William seemed to hear her. They kept exchanging punches, like they were characters in a video game.

Christina looked at Mikiah and Pete, who were just standing there watching, while two of their friends fought like they hated each other. She had a feeling it was the same thing that had effected Casey and the two fighters. And she didn't know how to stop it.

Or maybe she did. "Casey make sure no one does anything more stupid than they are already." she said, and took off.

"Care to clarify that?" he called after her.

She pulled a key from her bag, a key to William's room. He'd given it to her last week, in case of just such an occurrence. He'd also told her where he kept the sword. The sword that she hoped could break whatever control her friends were under.

She took a bit of time, more than she probably should have, in his room. At the beginning of the year, she'd spent almost all of her time there. He'd been her best friend. But since the beginning of Christmas break, she'd only been there twice. It had changed a bit, new posters were up on the walls. And the gifts she'd given him were prominently displayed on a shelf. The Happy Meal toy she'd given him one day at lunch, and the box of chocolates she'd given him as an apology for missing a planned get together.

Something tugged at her heart, was it regret? She didn't have time to think about it. She grabbed his sword and headed outside.

Pete and Mikiah had actually started to bet on who would win. Casey didn't know if that qualified as more stupid or not, and he certainly wasn't going to get in between William and Chris. Better they beat the crap out of each other than him.

Finally, he saw Christina coming out of the dorm, holding William's sword. He understood at once.

"Great," he said. "What's the plan?"

"Tackle Chris."

"What?"

"Tackle Chris. I can't have him interrupting. I have to get William to take the sword and I can't do that if he's fighting Chris."

Casey sighed, and did as he was asked.

It hurt. A lot. Chris was built there was no doubt about that. It felt like he'd hit a brick wall. But he did manage to knock the boy off his feet.

Which was all the distraction Christina needed. She grabbed William's wrist, and shoved the sword into his grip.

Instantly, his mind cleared. "Oh bloody hell."

The next day William sat with Chris at lunch trying to narrow down a list of suspects. Chris really wanted to know who had sent the e-mail.

William wanted to know too. Chris had told him what e-mail Christina had gotten, and he was worried. The e-mail's message had been dead on accurate about his feelings. And he hadn't told anyone about them. Anyone.

Pete and Mikiah had already started to make light of the whole thing.

Casey sat quietly, which was for him, very unusual. He looked up as Christina entered the cafeteria. He started to say something, but she cut him off.

"It. Never. Happened." she said in no uncertain terms.

He nodded, agreeing. But deep down inside, he believed what the e-mail had said. He knew that one day she would be his.

Next time in The S-Men: Casey begins tormenting a senior who mocked him, drawing the attention of the Initiative.

Did you like this episode? E-Mail Ben and let him know!

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