Letting Go

After Angel and Faith had left the bronze that night, Faith with a new sense of self, Angel with a new soulmate, they had gone to the library to explain to Giles the situation. Faith was Kendra’s replacement and could take over the responsibilities of slaying while Buffy remained unfound. Faith was easily accepted by both Giles and the slayerettes, in fact she slowly filled the void Buffy had left. Giles realized she had more attitude and more spirit in her slaying, though he wasn’t sure if that was a plus or a minus. That night, Angel had walked her to the dingy motel she had set up shop was, where the first seeds of their later relationship were hatched. A kiss, a hesitant good-bye, and a slowly materialized pact were made. Whistler said it best, the big moments are going to come, you can’t help that, it’s what you do afterwards that counts, that’s when you find out who you are. But that moment came subtly, unexpectedly. The moment Faith came into his life.

The bottom line is; things are covered, forgotten even, though something fills a gap, it doesn’t replace it. Nothing ever can.

3 months later…

"Hey Giles," Faith yelled into the library as she threw her jacket onto the library counter, "Apocalypse alleviated." Giles looked up from the computer; he’d finally learned the value of ‘the good box.’

"Good," He said and turned the monitor off, "I’m sure Angel got the heart of the demon."

"One asura heart," Angel said enter the library with the demon heart in his hand, "Why exactly did you need this again?" He set the organ down on the library table on top of a book labeled ‘Ancient Curses.’ <And you would wonder why this isn’t a popular place for the kids at Sunnydale high. >

"A spell has to be done to bind the demon," Giles answered as he examined the cardiac organ, "If the heart is left in the body, they rejuvenate."

"Great," Faith said as she grabbed Angel’s hand, "So, we’re done here, right?"

"Oh," Giles looked up, "Yes, you can go, I’ll have Willow come by to do the spell. I’ll give her your best…" The phone cut off his sentence, "I’m actually starting to appreciate e-mail." He muttered to himself as he walked over to pick up the ringing irritation.

"Hello," He spoke into the receiver, "Yes." There was a long pause in his speech as his face turned more and more pained. "Yes, I’ll tell them. Thank you, good-bye."

Faith and Angel stood in uncomfortable silence; Giles spoke first, "That was the council." He looked down a the floor, collecting himself, "Buffy’s dead."

After Giles had broken the news, explaining that they’d found Buffy in an alley, supposedly OD’d on heroin, Angel and Faith had retreated to the mansion. Angel remained silent throughout the trip; Faith going to make sure Angel didn’t try to stake himself. Once Angel had led her inside and taken a comfortable brooding position in front of the fire, Faith tried to console him.

She sat down beside him and said softly, "I didn’t know her…so I know I can’t understand what you’re feeling. But I do know what it’s like to lose a loved one. I’ve seen it too many times; my watcher, my mother; sometimes I thought I’d lose you. I know what you’re feeling. Well, I at least have an idea. I wish… I wish I could understand better. Could you tell me?" Angel’s eyes were fixed on the flames. He gave no response for a moment, but then slowly turned to her.

"It’s been so long," He gave a short smile, "Amazing, isn’t it, two years is a long time to me after I’ve lived more than two hundred. Whistler found me, after I’d been living on the streets of Manhattan for a while…he gave me a purpose, said I could become someone to be counted." He looked at the fire and then down at the stone floor, "So he told me to go see, my destiny, and I went to LA, I say her called, her first kill…and I fell in love with her. So when she left, so did I… to Sunnydale, and the hellmouth. The master was going to rise, and I warned her. I wanted to protect her," He looked deeply into Faith’s eyes, seeing tears collecting in them, "You wanna know what I realize now? She wasn’t my destiny, she never was, she just led me to it." He put his hand to Faith’s cheek and continued, "You were my destiny…always." She smiled and he stroked her cheek with his thumb, "Her love…it was a curse. With you," he smiled, "With you it’s a blessing." He placed a soft kiss on he lips.

"I know the feeling," Faith smiled and embraced him, "I know how much she meant to you…all of you. I want to help. I just wish I knew how…"

"Shh," Angel lifted a finger to her lip, "Just being here helps, Faith. You’re amazing, you know…the first night I met you, I fell in love with you. You, bad girl, have helped me so much by just being here, letting me see you. Nothing you can do can be better than just your presence with me."

"This is the first, you know," Faith smiled.

"The first what?" Angel asked.

"The first time I’ve cared," She rubbed his palm with her fingers, "Thank you."

"You’re welcome," He looked out through the window, clocking the time, "You should go home. It’s getting late."

She sighed, "Yeah, I probably should." She stood up and slipped her coat over her shoulders and said, "Good-bye." And she left…leaving Angel time to stare into the flames, and remember Buffy.

"I think he’s okay," Faith said into the phone, "Yeah, Willow… I mean we talked about it and he seemed fine." She steadied the phone against her shoulder and nodded, "I know… I mean, he really isn’t majorly communicative, but he said it was tough, but that he’d get through it… I don’t know… Yeah, I’m gonna check on him tomorrow. I think he just needs some time to you know, start to deal with it. Hey, he got through hell, I’m sure he’ll get through this. Okay, I’ll see ya tomorrow. Bye." She dropped the phone into its cradle and hopped onto the bed of her motel room, snuggling into the pillow, trying to imagine what Angel was feeling. Since she had met him, she’d gotten softer, as he said, let him see more of her… She just wished he would give her the same respect, tell her what he was feeling, instead of just bottling it up like he was prone to doing. She sighed; she’d worry about it tomorrow.

"Angel," Faith called as she entered the mansion. The sun had just set, but Angel rose early, something that he and Faith did not share in common.

"Hey." The soft padding sound of bare feet was heard as Angel set foot in the large entry hall and kissed Faith lightly.

"Giles gave me the night off, so I was wondering if you wanted to do the bronze," She looked over at the fireplace, the one that always seemed to be burning, and added, "Or we could just stay here." She wet her lips, "How were you, I mean, last night after I left… I talked to Willow about it, she said Giles was really broken up about it…"

"Hey," He whispered and put a finger to her lip, "I’m gonna be fine. Buffy… well, getting over her is going to be tough, there’s no way I can deny that… but she’s in the past. As much as I loved her, I just have to let go. Buffy is gone, and as much as I miss her, there’s nothing that’s going to bring her back. I loved her, but letting go is the only way to get through it. She’s gone, I've accepted that. You don’t have to worry about me."

"She was lucky, you know," Faith said with a small smile.

"She lost everything," Angel murmured, "How is that lucky?"

"She had you," Faith’s smile deepened, "You helped her through it."

"And I have you," Angel kissed her, "Always."

"Maybe not." Faith’s smile disappeared.

THE END