Out of Her Shadow

"What," Angel said not understanding, "Maybe not what?"

Faith sighed and pushed her hair back behind her ear, "Listen, it’s a long, complicated discussion that I’m not ready to get into." She started to leave but Angel held her back.

"No," Angel said, "If there’s something you want to talk about, tell me… I’ve got an eternity to listen."

She rubbed her forehead and sighed again, "Fine, whatever. Listen, after I hung up with Willow last night, I fell asleep… I had this really creepy dream. You were there, and I saw you with this blonde chick you called Buffy. I could feel you love her, and I got this sick feeling. I know that feeling, it’s the way I know my relationship’s expired. You know, I love you, probably always will, but… Buffy is gonna haunt me… And I’ve never even met her! Listen, it’s not that I don’t want to be with you. It’s just, I’m Faith, no one ever loves me for that long, they move on, ditch me, and then I find another hot seat for a couple of days." She turned her head and then looked back at Angel, "I’m gonna go." She kissed his cheek and started to walk out.

"Faith, wait." She was gone.

"No Angel, I haven’t seen her," Giles spoke into the phone, "She’s probably on patrol… Sure, I’ll let you know when she checks in. Good-bye." Giles placed the phone back in its cradle; "I don’t understand why you want me to lie to him, Faith."

She swung off the table and answered, "I found out how much he loved Buffy, I couldn’t deal. So, let’s just call it a lovers quarrel," She grabbed her jacket and settled a stake into her jean loop, "I better go patrol, hopefully Angel won’t be out looking for me." She left quickly, leaving the library doors to swing freely, and leaving the others to look at each other silently.

"God, the one time I need to take out aggression on a vamp, there are none to be found." Faith sighed heavily and took a seat on a headstone; she twirled her stake with her thumb and first finger, "Come on guys. Tasty meal on legs." She yelled into the darkness, wondering why Sunnydale didn’t have a groundskeeper <Only a slayer could take that job in this town. >

"Okay," She swung her legs over the grave and jumped off the headstone, "I’m not waiting anymore. If you want to bite me, you’ll have to catch up… and wait as I slowly kick your ass." She slipped her stake back into the loop of her pants and started to walk out of the graveyard.

Angel watched as she put her stake into her jeans and walked towards the exit. He’d debated whether or not to come here, where he knew she would be. But finally decided to, he didn’t want to lose another loved one in the same 48 hours as the first. He walked slowly; as to make no noise, after 200 odd years of practice he was good at that.

She stopped, a tingling feeling coursed through her body, the feeling she knew well. Angel was around. She sighed, turned and spoke, "What do you want, Angel?" She was in no mood to deal with this. The dream… her face, Buffy’s, and Angel, together. Mocking her, tempting her, reinforcing the belief that he wasn’t hers, too good to be true, a vanishing shadow of a dream or illusion that disappeared when touched.

Angel emerged from the shadows that previously concealed him, "Why, Faith. You tell me that you’ll always love me, but that you can’t be with me. It makes no sense."

"Why, what, huh," She said, her voice turning dangerously low, "Why I can’t be in love with someone who loves someone else, who’s dead, no less. I know you do Angel, and you can’t deny that. I’ll always love you, I’ll never leave you, You’re my one and only." She said mockingly, "I’ve heard those tired phrases. A good-bye and a slam usually follow them. Maybe I’m screwed up, intimacy issues, whatever. But just tell me that when your eyes close to kiss me, you’ve never once thought about Buffy." She waited, he hesitated, "Good-bye, Angel." She started to walk away but his voice stopped her.

"You’re tired of living in her shadow," He stated simply, truthfully.

She turned around, "Oh, gee, ya think," She said sarcastically, "I come to town, I’m a slayer, I do my job kicking ass better than anyone. But what do I hear about everywhere I go? Your ex-squeeze, Buffy… Every one in her little Scooby gang holds her up as some kind of a god. Xander’s got the hard on, Willow has a goddess complex of her, and Giles loved her. I’ll never be her equal; I’ll always be second best to them, and to you. Tough pill for me to swallow is, that will never change, I’ll never move above the Buffy rank on the little slayerettes’ chart. I can save the world a million times over, and Buffy will always be better. But you know what, I can handle it, from Giles, from Xander, from Willow, but not from you," She bit down on her lip and whispered, "Not from you," She shook her head, "Not from the person I’ve loved more than anyone in my whole life. I mean, if she’s the all powerful and mighty divinity you all make her out to be, what’s the point of my being here. Why don’t I just die? No one’ll miss me; another slayer will come, take care of all the big bad things in Sunnydale. I’ll be gone, and you’ll still mourn your precious little Buffy."

"I’ll always love you," He said, trying to turn her back to him.

"Just not enough," She said this and nothing more, she ran from the graveyard and didn’t look back.

THE END