Final Answer

Faith busts out of L.A.'s Cybill Brand Women's Detention Center with the help of Monty--a goofy corrections officer that would do anything for his favorite imprisoned Slayer.

He does get laid before she pummels him to death with his own nightstick.

Before the Rogue Slayer can skip out of La-La Land, she's swooped up by a team of goons; she's sure it's another set of dorks looking for take her back to England so the Council can spank her for being such a bad girl.

A hood is placed over her head and she's shackled hand and foot (which she enjoys a little); when the hood comes off, Faith finds herself in a massive mansion--she figures Malibu, because she can see a long stretch of beach down the hill.

Then she sees the darkness that represents itself as the Light; the Slayer is trapped in the bowels of the Disney Corporation--standing toe to toe with CEO Michael Eisner.

"My law firm recommended you", Eisner says with a smile. "I have troubles I believe you can take care of."

Faith smirks: "Like killing the Little Mermaid?"

"I want you in New York," the CEO says as he peels a kiwi. "Hell is about to break loose, and our biggest asset is in danger."

"Drew Carey?"

"Regis."

"The old guy..."

"When Kathie Lee Gifford wanted more money, we told her to take a hike. Get a job on Oprah's network, keep an eye on Frank, make another lame album of showtunes--whatever. That's when her agent called us. The most powerful man in show business."

"Joss Whedon? One of those Dreamworks guys?"

"Satan."

"He's in show biz?"

"How else could you explain us renewing 'Two Guys And A Girl'?"

"I miss the pizza place."

"I've been told that you're experienced in dealing with the undead."

"Like those really old guys on 'Law And Order'?"

"May I call you Faith?"

"I guess, Mikey. It is my name, after all."

"The ranks of agents and TV execs are mainly made up of vampires and demons."

"Is that why 'My So-Called Life' was cancelled?"

"Yes, and why 'Party of Five' lasted so long. Satan's a doddering old man, but Kathie Lee Gifford is a demon bitch like you've never seen. You can't kill her with a stake. It'll take a boom mike."

"A story about those stupid kids of hers would be enough for me to rip her heart out. But how does the old guy fit in?"

"If her contract's not renewed, she says she'll kill Regis on live TV. Sure, the ratings would be great and the media coverage spectacular, but--"

"The game show would go down in flames. Then you'd be stuck with Norm MacDonald hosting it."

"It wouldn't last a week."

"I saw the old man and the demon bitch when I was locked up. That bitch Sarah Michelle Gellar was on there. I don't know why I hate her so much."

"Me, either. Like Cruel Intentions was such a big hit. So I can count on you to go to New York and take care of this situation?"

"Maybe. If you're honestly not considering Susan Lucci or Florence Henderson as her replacement."

"Absolutely not."

"Then sign me up, Mikey."

Six hours later, Faith steps off a plane at JFK. She grabs a cab to the Upper West Side. She smiles--thinking that she might even take out Howard Stren while she's at it.

Just for fun.

TO BE CONTINUED...