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Beginning Tomorrow Yesterday Past People Me |
Sunday, October 18, 1998... 11:06 pm. listening to: Everything Warning: This may be completely incoherent. I want to wrap myself in sound. I need my own soundtrack. Do I want to? All that charm? Do I want you? Twist my arm...On the way home from Delaware, I listened to music. I listened to sound. I didn't want to talk, I only wanted to hear. I wanted to just bury myself in rhythm. I can't arrange my thoughts the way I'd like to. I can't think the way I want. I want to convey this feeling I'm having right now... I will let you I will let you down-Written on the way back: I dreamt of dancing for you. For you, because there are only really two reasons once dances; either for oneself, or for others. All I could think was how much easier all this would be if I could dance. Simple movements, directed, and the odd glance can give one a better idea of what's going on. I imagined the club, filled, but with enough room to move, and you in a place where you could see me...I could dance. I could dance and everyone would know how I felt. Karma sings, and we dance the dance, baby.I love to dance, and I'm kinda upset I couldn't this weekend. I think I need to soon...Maybe I'll go out tomorrow, cause I think I'll explode if I don't. Unfortunately I have to get up early Tuesday morning for an appointment. Any day, now...it's gonna start my real life and any day now...everything is gonna be alright Any day, now...life's gonna get real good and somehow, life'll be like I said it would Any day now- Mark my word! Any day now- I will be heard! Any day now- My ship will finally come in...Ah...Maybe only for a bit. The Velvet won't play what I really feel like dancing to though. I can play the stuff I like at home. But I only feel right dancing when no one else is home. Why won't anyone play if? I've closed my eyes and thought of us a hundred different ways... But I'm not So I can't And I wontProlly cause it's old and stuff... And Janet Jackson. He's watching you from across the way I cannot make this feeling go awayWe were overtired all weekend, due to the long drive, and the lack of sleep. We scared people on Friday night, I think, due to that reason. You see the thing about water, is that it comes in waves. -Stacy Tune my weaker eye spit white hold the world up all day she's blue in the face again sleep the darkness all away And drinking kitchenpaint to dye the winter I hope we'll never see again Deaf and dumb with the lights on....I think I had fun, but I'm still processing, wrapping myself in the blanket of sound. Dreamlike state, early morning. I knew I was awake, but it didn't entirely feel like it. I eventually went back to sleep, but woke shortly after, hand and arm cramped oddly from sleeping on both. lick these my ruby lips drop your protein pills better just to lose yourself We kiss we kiss we kiss Pretty words can never say...Things can often become so complicated. But only if you allow them to complicate things. There are alot of roads down here. -Alex, while driving. But I'm not going to break And I'm not going to worry about it anymoreI am mistress of the obvious, the oblivious, at times, the non-sequitur, the Queen of Subtlety. I lose myself in words, and rarely think of ramifications. Oh well. Why give up vices? Vices are fun. That's the point. -Beth, paraphrased, before we took off to Philly. Now you've blocked off most of Main Street for your faith parade Everyone in town now, they probably all agree I'm lying in the bed I made.Felt oddly self-conscious all weekend. Things were weird, in some ways. I wanted to talk more, as I usually do, and spent much of the time walking along South Street in contemplation of other people's behaviour. You can only try. That's all anyone can ask. i've never been this sad before but i'm disgusted by my fingertips and what they've doneContemplating can be easier than communicating. Anything's easier than doing that. It's hard being away, stranger in a strange land. It's not that I didn't feel welcome. It's that I don't think I allowed myself to feel too welcome, for various reasons. Winter is cold and bitter and the chill lasts to the bone I haven't seen the sun for weeks Too long, too far from home It's the little things that kill.We smoked way too much, both on the way down and back. Alex's bad influence, I suppose. Mmmm. Scummy lungs. don't just stand there, say nice things to me I've been cheated, I've been wronged you don't know me, I can't change I won't do anything at allI feel rather badly, as well, because I didn't get to talk to, or even say goodbye to everyone I wanted to. Such is the chaos of after-game activities. :P Sometimes, it's deeply annoying. Deeply. Didn't realize til after I'd gone. I'm also rather excellent at beating myself up. 2.50 for a decade, and a buck and a half for a year happy hour, happy hour, happy hour is here.On my way home, it fit. We were listening to The Saint Soundtrack, and it came on. Kelli summs up everything much better than my feeble attempts at explanation ever could. take me down, 6 underground the ground beneath your feet laid out low, nothing to go nowhere a way to meet I've got a head full of drought down here So far off losing out round here Overground- watch this space I'm open to falling from grace calm me down bring it round to way high off your street I can see like nothing else in me, you're better than I wanna be Don't think 'cos I understand I care Don't think 'cos I'm talking we're friends Overground watch this space I'm open to falling from grace. Talk me down safe and sound too strung up to sleep Wear me out scream and shout swear my time's never cheap. I fake my life like I've lived too much I take whatever you're given not enough Overground watch this space I'm open to falling from grace.Hrm. Maybe it's time to sleep. Sleep is not an illusion, unfortunately. And it has been a very long few days. Very long... As for my mental state, kids, it's all good. Mess, mess, mess, mess, really really big mess Cross, cross, cross, cross, really really big cross And you oughta know.-Mike. See? |