Let's Go For A Walk ...

On a warm summer afternoon Buddy and Ms. Lucy walked down their driveway and stood on the sidewalk enjoying the beautiful sunshine. They were comfortably dressed in shorts and sandals. Buddy was wearing his favorite "I Love Beer" T-shirt and Ms. Lucy sported a bright yellow flowered blouse.

Buddy looked up the street and declared, "What a glorious day! It is great to be alive!" He then looked across the street and saw their neighbor, Mr. Pennington, walking over to join them. Without a greeting of any kind, Mr. Pennington looked at Buddy's feet and said, "I see you have one of those too!"

"Yeah! I wouldn't leave home without it in this kind of weather!"
"You can't leave home without it in any kind of weather, Buddy."
A little flustered, Buddy retorted, "What are you talking about Pennington?"
"That funny looking toenail on your big toe!"

Putting his right foot forward, Mr. Pennington said, "See, I got one too and some of my friends have one. In fact, most of the men I know have one."

Buddy eyed him cautiously and said, "That's nice! I'm so glad that I'm not the only one with a funny looking toenail. By the way, is it just me or do you go around looking at everybody's feet to see if they have a funny looking toenail on their big toe?"

"My. My. Somebody is a little touchy today! If you must know, I don't go around looking for it but you must admit that it is very noticeable in the summer time."

Ms. Lucy had had enough of this funny toenail conversation and knowing that Mr. Pennington hated walking, she asked, "Buddy, are we still going for a walk around the block?" Before he could respond, Mr. Pennington interjected with, "I just remembered why I'm out here." Scuttling across the street, he shouted, "Ms. Pennington asked me to collect the newspaper."

Ms. Lucy and Buddy watched as Mr. Pennington disappeared into his house as if he was being chased by a wild boar. With a devious smirk on her lovely face Ms. Lucy held Buddy's arm, playfully leaned towards his face and said, "It is amazing how that old Penny is afraid we might ask him to go for a walk." They laughed heartily and sauntered off.

A sudden and strange silence ensued as they walked along the boulevard. Buddy quietly looked down at his feet, then at Ms. Lucy's feet. He then glanced at her through the corner of his eye and asked, "Do all men really have funny looking toenails?"

"I don't know! I never noticed! I know that some men are tall while others are short. Some are big while others are small. Some are handsome but I never noticed if they all have funny looking toenails. Did you want me to keep an eye out to see if all men have funny looking toenails?"

"No! No! It is just that old Penny said ..."
"I heard what old Penny said. That does not mean that ALL men have funny looking toenails and what can we do if that is so? For all it is worth, I like you even with your funny looking toenail!"

"Well, I don't like it one bit and I'm going to get rid of it!"
"Get rid of what?"
"The funny looking toenail of course!"
"And just how do you plan to do that my dear Buddy?"

"I don't know. I'll ... I'll discuss it with the pharmacist. He may be have a solution."
"Yeah! He should know. He may even have a funny looking toenail!"
"Funny! But wait! If old Penny is right then all the men in these nice homes have funny looking toenails too and ..."
"And what?"

"And all the men on TV and those on the radio must have funny looking toenails too!"
"Yeah! Even those in public office, so you don't have to worry about it!"
"I know! I know! But, I still don't like it!"
"OK Mr. Pharmacist, here comes Buddy."

A few weeks later, while Ms. Lucy was doing the family laundry she asked, "Buddy, why are your socks so greasy these days?"
"That is from the mixture the pharmacist gave me for the funny looking toenail. He said a fungus caused the funny look and the toenail will get better if we get rid of it."
"What? The toenail?"
"No dear! Just the fungus! All I have to do is apply the mixture once a day until it kills the fungus."

"Did he by any chance say how long it would take for that mixture to kill the fungus?"
"No! But he did say that it got rid of his funny looking toenail and suggested I apply some on my heels just before I put on my socks. He said it would also get rid of all those unsightly looking cracks. You should try some too."

"Did he have any other words of wisdom to share?"
"Well, since we were talking about toenails, I told him about the pain around the toenail on my other big toe."
"What pain is that now?"
"Don't worry. He looked at it and said it is because I have an in-growing toenail."

"He said some people wait too long and end up having surgery to remedy the situation. All I have to do is cut a small V in the middle of the toenail and the pain will eventually go away."

"He went on to explain that an in-growing toenail is painful because the toenail is actually growing down into the toe. When the V is cut in the middle of the toenail, the new growth tries to fill that space and stops growing down into the toe. He is one smart cookie!"

"Are you sure this will work?"
"Yes! He had an in-growing toenail too. So did his brother and some of the other men in his family. He even took off his socks for me to see his toe. It had a big V right in the middle.

"Can you guess who walked into the pharmacy while the pharmacist was showing me his toes?"
"Not poor old Penny I hope."
"Yes. It was poor old Penny and he refused to try the mixture. He later told me that the pharmacist is an opportunist who is using my funny looking toenail to sell his mixture."

"Well, that may be so but the V in the middle of my toenail got rid of the awful pains from the in-growing nail and my heels are now as smooth as a baby's ..."
"Shhh! No need to explain! I believe you!"