Prostetnic Vogon- Jeltz Speaks...

People of Earth...your attention, please! This is Prostetnic Vogon-Jeltz, the smartest, kindest,
most talented, best looking sentient being in the history of ... History Itself!!
Beings of your limited intelligence cannot possibly comprehend my godliness...so I will
try to talk to you as I would my pet Bugblatter Beast! But first..
a little taste of poetic genius, perhaps...?

"... slake Thee, Thine trimbling findlwoodlwinx ..."©

ATTENTION:
DANGER TO MENTAL, PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL,
AND BIMBLWINX HEALTH WILL RESULT IF YOU
CONTINUE READING THIS WEBPAGE!!!
WE URGE YOU TO EXERCISE
EXTREME CAUTION!!!

Now...I know that you are not worthy of viewing
my exquisite artwork... YOU know that you are not
worthy of viewing it! But..I will make an exception,
just this once!! You needn't get up from being
on your knees just yet, Human!! If you enjoy
this gorgeous mixture of paint, genius, and "Vogon- ness" as
much as I do creating it...there just may
be some hope for your backward, pitiful species!!

I hope for your sake, Human, that the
sounds I'm hearing are not that of a Human
wretching!! Be nice to me...or I will not
accord you the pleasure of subsequent viewings of my
fabulous artworks, or the delicious, hoopiness of my poetry!!
Anyway...I think that this is as good a time
as any to subject you to another fine morsel
of "Vogon Beauty"...a line from one of my poems!! "...where the photon are ye, our foonting, barbanscuous, grambling Qaanz..? "©

DANGER!!! STUDIES HAVE SHOWN THAT
BEINGS WHO VIEW ANYTHING "VOGON" FOR
MORE THAN JUST A FEW MINUTES,
WOULD START TO EAT THEIR OWN
FECES. THOSE WHO VIEWED LONGER WOULD BEGIN
TO EAT OTHER BEINGS' FECES. WE
URGE THE STRONGEST POSSIBLE CAUTION!!!

So..have you recovered enough from that last foray
into infinite beauty, to view another piece of my
creative genius...? I don't know. All of a sudden, I feel
very unkind! When I feel like this, I don't want anyone
else to have any fun either!!! Hhhhggg!! Go ahead
...look at it. See if I care!!

Oh...and by the way...don't think for a foonting
minute that I will become all mushy and apologize to
you for destroying your planet to make way for a
Hyperspace Bypass!

Bypasses have to be built, and WILL be built!! So
there!! Now..... are you all strapped snuggly in your
poetry appreciation chairs...? I have another tasty
little tidbit for you!!!

"...and forsooth, all the festering agripustules and drooling, acrid, Zzn-guzzling, disgusting, bubbling, stinking pools of flosh..." ©

Forgive me...as you have no doubt noticed,
The Galactic Mental Health Council forces me to display warnings when
I show my art or poetry...Hhhhggghhh!!! Death's too good for 'em!!

ATTENTION: DANGER TO MENTAL, PHYSICAL,
SPIRITUAL, AND BIMBLWINX HEALTH WILL
RESULT IF YOU CONTINUE READING THIS
WEBPAGE!!! WE URGE YOU TO EXERCISE
EXTREME CAUTION!!!
So...more poetry? Why,yes...thank you! I would love
to read more of my fantastic poetry! "..The Great Leader.. Doozl Spittlbig giveth of Himself. Vvilvinx, vvulvanx,and tvlaan rejoice, gugging bling and voontvrr ginch all over the ceramic tiles of the Palace of G'Gugglvnnt. Mere zaanthangx is the key, for the trimbling be not in vain...so accept this spate in the Spirit of The Mighty Zarqon...leave your bones in the hallway, and drive the snake to the bar. All linging nurn hath seen the right bloody gulglurgling flim. Accept this, the foontword of Zoorn..'go fuck yourself'..."©

Prepare yourself Earthling! I am bestowing upon you,
a gift of art!! Drink it in...savour it...it will make your
sphincter tingle with joy!

There...that wasn't so bad ... was it? Good.

You've been very well behaved, and that makes me
feel...hmmm... good!To show you my gratitude, I will
show you another Prostetnic Masterpiece!!!!
I call it, "Go ahead, grambl, trimbl, and flindl your lives
away...see if I care". It is one of my favourites!

If you have anything nice to say,
say it...I don't have time to sit
around and wait for you to think of
some delicious adjectives to describe my
brilliant genius!!! E-mail me!
...unless you're a
Zarqing hyper-chicken! cintam_001_@hotmail.com

Oh ya...one more thing...the stupid
underline on the e-mail address that you
click on to send me mail...obscures the "underscore" symbol
that comes before the "001" in the address.

This site is Under Construction!! So if don't like that, you can just piss off!!
..Message ends!!
Prostetnic Vogon-Jeltz

All poetry, artwork, and narrative created in Canada, for the World, by "The Mighty" Dixon Yarmouth ©