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HOW TO KNOW YOU'RE FROM MUMBAI

1. You say 'Town' and expect everyone to know that it means 'South' of Churchgate
2. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you
3. You have never been to the Gateway of India
4. You don't hear sirens anymore
5. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible
6. The trains make sense
7. Your door has more than three locks
8. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn
9. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression
10. You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a 'Hall'
11. You consider beyond Andheri as 'Upstate'
12. You think of Chowpatty and Juhu beaches as 'nature'
13. You're paying Rs.10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a 'steal'
14. You've been to New Bombay twice and got hopelessly lost, both times
15. You spend more time travelling than you spend at home
16. You haven't heard the sound of true, absolute silence since 1977,and when you did, it terrified you
17. You take fashion seriously
18. Being truly alone makes you nervous
19. You have 14 different menus of 'Free Home Deliveries' next to your telephone
20. Going to 'town', is considered a 'road trip'
21. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise
22. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes
23. Rs. 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag
24. You have a minimum of five 'worst cab rides ever' stories
25. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air quality and what it's doing to your lungs
26. If you look up, somebody is throwing waste on you
27. Even in the morgue you have to form a line, first come first served basis
28. You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi', which only Mumbaikars can understand
29. Train timings are really important events of life
30. You have the following sets of friends: school friends, college friends, neighborhood friends, office friends and train friends, a
    species unique to Mumbai
31. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the roads by their Indian name they are more familiar with Warden Road, Peddar Road, Altamount Road and the like
32. Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you follow passionately
33. The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the "Bombay Times" supplement
34. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes
35. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons
36. Only in Mumbai, you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken
37. You call traffic policemen as 'Pandus" and expect of out of towners to understand that

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