|
Joke
Categories
Home
Sardar
Paki
Indian
Indian Politics
Bollywood Humour
Guestbook
Sign
View
Help
About
Newsletter
Disclaimer
Submit Jokes
Exit
|
|
HOW TO
KNOW YOUR'E AN INDIAN
Note:
Our evergrowing list and the most popular page on the site! Newer additions
are added to the bottom of the list.
- When there
is a sale on toilet papers, you buy 100 rolls
- You use
dishwasher as a dish rack
- You save
grocery bags, mostly to hold garbage
- You fight
over who pays the dinner bill
- You majored
in Engineering, Computer Science, or Medicine
- No one
you're related to is a music major
- When you
go to a dance party, you stand close to the wall surrounding the dance
floor trying to look cool
- You feel
like you got a good deal if you didn't pay tax
- You look
up phone numbers in the Yellow/White pages rather than making a *69
call
- You only
make long distance calls after 9 pm
- You like
the meat well done
- You've
joined a CD club at least once
- You avoid
motels especially if there is an acquaintance within 250-mile radius
of your destination
- You have
a box of tissue or a towel in your car
- The car
you own is most likely a Camry or Accord
- When you
dine out (very rarely) you think that $1 is a good tip
- You head
towards the clearance section as soon as you walk into a store
- Your favorite
brand name is "IRREGULAR"
- A pungent
odor of spices hits as soon as someone enters your home
- You call
fluorescent lights "tube lights" and a flashlight a "torch"
- When you
travel to your country you tie up your luggage with a rope to keep it
from opening apart
- You get
very upset when the airline agent refuse to accept your luggage which
is just 60 pounds overweight
- You ask
your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to
walk two miles barefoot just to get to school
- You call
an older person you never met before "uncle"
- When your
parents meet a stranger and talk for a few minutes, you discover he
is your distant cousin
- You
ask for small drink at fast food restaurant because the refill is free
- You
know more than one plan offered by long distance companies
- You
take plain water instead of Coke for lunch
- Before
eating any meat, you ask: "Is this beef?"
- You
try to ignore all other unknown Indians around you
- You
tell your friends about this wonderful opportunity, and invite them
to an Amway meeting
- You
know all the facilities available at public library
- You
talk to Americans/Canadians as if you represent your whole country
- The
stove top in your apartment is covered with aluminum foil
- You
frequent to garage sales every week
- You
find taco bell sauce packets in your kitchen drawer
- Your
dinner involves spreading newspaper on living room floor
- You
take off your shoes before stepping foot in your living room
- You
like onion rings at Burger King
- You
shop around for dual voltage appliances
- The
phrase "When are you going to India" comes into your conversation
at least once a day
- You
bought Toyota or Honda car only because it has better resale value
- The
number of long distance calls you make is more than domestic calls
- You
keep switching your internet service provider because first month is
free.
- You
go back to your apartment for lunch
- Your
full name contains more than 15 characters
- You
know all the $2.00 theaters in your city
- The
only reason you go to a temple on festivals is because there of the
free food
- You
have spent nights in the car while traveling because you wanted to save
money spent on cheap motel
- You
don't know any American/Canadian outside your work
- You
have at least one India made pressure cooker in your kitchen
- You
run to the Laundromat in your lungi
- You
put lots of oil in your hair
- You
keep comparing prices at Future Shop for the phone you bought six months
ago
- The
lawyer handling your green card is in your speed dial
- You
are compelled to visit ever major city in US, just so as to say that
"Yes I have been there "
- You
have been to Mexico or Canada for multiple entry H1 Visa.
- You
pay your bills the day they come in the mail
- You
spend 2 days cleaning your apartment before leaving so you can get full
security refund from landlord
- You
have a bucket in your bath tub
- You
borrow unused luggage from friends when visiting India
- The
smoke detector goes off whenever you are cooking dinner
- You
know which grocery store has the freshest coriander
- You
buy milk before you run out of it
- You
buy rice in the 20 pound bags or more
- Office
supplies mysteriously find their way in your house
- You
don't want to buy a printer because you can always use the office printer
- You
have postponed buying answering machine because the computer you are
planning to buy six months later has in built answering machine
- You
start spelling your name to the operator like R as in Rainbow, A as
in apple , M as in monkey ...well you get the idea
- You
ask another Indian if he/she ever got a traffic ticket
- Your
medicine cabinet contains medicine like Iodex and Vicks from India
- You
know the current differential in gold prices between India and US
- You
have a bought a video camera just before Niagara trip and returned it
after the trip
- You
wear VIP/Indian brand underwear and undershirts.
- You
always wear a "Banyan"
- You
have Rin (detergent soap cake) in your bathroom
- You
have taken pictures of you and your car and mailed to your folks back
home
- You
use the credit card with maximum cash back
- You
have collected enough frequent flier miles for a international trip
- You
are saving more that 30 % of your salary
- You've
book marked immigration web pages in your web browser.
- You
know your friends salaries
- You
tried to talk in a phony American accent to impress other Indians
- You
spend at least 2 evenings in a week at Kmart/Wal Mart
- You
split even the tax out of your common grocery bill
- You
complain about Indian international airports on your first vacation
to India
- You
take 4 week long vacation
- You
are the first to know about any on campus job openings at the school
library/cafeteria/computer center
- When you
tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the
other two percent
- Your parents
worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer
- When you
go back to India, people treat you like a member of the royal family
- You're
walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport in India and
you see that all twenty-five members of your family who have come
to pick you up
- You teach
Americans/Canadians swear words in your language
- You put
your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes
- Your parents
measure wealth in gold and diamonds
- You say
you hate Indian films and songs but secretly watch or hear them with
your parents
- You prefer
using chili sauce instead of tomato ketchup
- Your parents
always say, "It's cheaper in India."
- Trying
to assimilate into the American or Canadian society, you've changed
your name from Ramandeep Jitinder Sandhu Akash to LeRoy Jenkins
- You play
Antakshari
- You get
high off butter chicken and/or mango frooti
- Your have
a lota (watering can) in your toilet
- You cover
your sofa with plastic or a bedsheet to prevent it from getting dirty
- When going
on a picnic, you take the traditional...roti and saalan along with you
- Tongue
scrapers are not a new fad to you
- If you
aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands
and proclaim that it's too late
- Your
parents had eight daughters in hopes of having a son
- You are
sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot"
- Your
friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried
- You sound
like "Apu" on the Simpsons
- You have
trouble paying attention to "minor" items like your kids'
social lives, but you know the exact number of the check that you're
on in your checkbook
- Your parents
compare you to all of their friends' kids and complain why you couldn't
be like them
- And then...when
you compare your friends to yourself, your parents say, "You aren't
the same person as they are!"
- You know
about the cheapest air fares to India
- You unwrap
gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping and especially
those bows next year
- You only
buy cards after the holiday, when they are 50% off
- You have
a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table
- You have
tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken
wing
- You don't
own any real tupperware -- only a cupboard full of used, but
carefully rinsed, margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars
- You have
a collection of minature shampoo bottles that you take every time you
stay in a hotel
- You never
order room service
- You carry
a stash of your own food whenever you travel
- You wash
your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it
- You don't
use measuring cups
- You have
a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write anymore
- If you
don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten,
even if it's midnight
- Your
parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved
in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs
- You frequently
get honked at by those stupid American drivers who think they know how
to drive
- It's
embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people
- You think
an Indian businessman will give you a better deal because he's Indian
- You spew
forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there
- Your
list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonials
no matter what she looks like
- You know
the words of the "Vicco Turmeric" commercial
- You've
seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train
- You've
been in a bus where half the people riding are outside the bus
- All of
your tupperware is stained with food color
- You have
drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can cut your mouth
if you're not careful
- Experiencing
20 power blackouts in a single day doesn't faze you
- You have
a plastic rug-runner going down your hallway at home
- You've
never had a tanning salon membership
- You pronounce
"wary" and "very" the same way
- Your
parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were
12 when you were really 15
- You ask
your parents' help on one math problem and two hours later they're still
lecturing
- You've
learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom
- You know
what's going to happen in every hindi movie before it actually happens
- You've
never got little red envelopes around February
- Piles
of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors
- Your parents
hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say,
"In India, we had to study even more than this."
- Your
parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in
any given area as long as they are Indian
- Your parents
say, "Calculus? I took calculus in grade seven!"
- Your aunts
and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from India with fuzzy bunnies,
vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors like
yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green
- At expensive
restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage
and NEVER order dessert
- The vast
majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
- You are
most likely be taller than your parents
- The furniture
in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations
or the rest of the furniture
- You have
rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your
pantry for use as medicine
- When you
go for a vacation to India, you fall into the open gutter at least four
times during your stay
- The most
frequent threat used by your parents - ''If u go there/do that we'll
throw you out the house!''
- Your parents
always refer to the respect they had for their parents and how little
you do
The
above list is exclusively available at this site only.
Back
to top |
Back to Indian Jokes
©2000 Bhel
Puri's Joke Archive. All rights reserved.
|