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SARDAR JOKES - VOLUME 6

QUICK THINKING!

Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in a hospital after he lost his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital.

Banta: "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank Wahe Guru that it was your left hand, since you are right handed."

Santa: "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!"

Santa Singh and Banta Singh get a contract to paint a flagpole. While trying to compute the area, in order to know how much paint they needed to buy, Santa stands on Banta 's shoulders and stretches to reach the top to compute the height. His reach is short by several inches. So, Banta says maybe if they switch positions, because he's taller maybe he can touch the top. They switch positions and naturally he can't touch the top, either.

While sitting, pondering another approach to computing the area, a weight lifter comes by. Santa and Banta explain their problem. The weightlifter goes over, wrestles the flagpole out of its socket, lays it down, measures it from bottom to top, gives them the figure, then manhandles the flagpole back into its cement socket and walks off.

Santa looks at Banta, then says, "Now isn't that weightlifter awfully stupid! You ask him the height and he gives you the length of the pole!"

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five Sardars - two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver Santa Singh, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" Santa says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, Santa grinned and thanked theofficer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? these people seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119." Said Santa.

There once was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him,"I've kidnapped you."

The Sardarji then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag & put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground". Signed, "A Sardarji".

The Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardarji?!

A Sardar once lived in England and was very popular with the people in his neighborhood.He was a regular at he local pub, and met with the locals there and they all had a great time together. But his English friends were a bit disappointed that the Sardar didn’t make any effort to learn English and communicated in sign language or broken English with them.

One day the Sardar announced to them that he was going on vacation to India and would be back in three months. His drinking buddies decided to offer him an English speaking parrot to take to India with him. They figured that by speaking English with the parrot their friend would end up speaking English.

When the Sardar came back from vacation and joined his buddies in the bar, they asked him whether the parrot had helped him learn English.

The Sardar mustered up all the English at his command and said

"Velly good! Taste like tandoori chicken!".

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall building in Bombay. One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their lunch together.

One fine day, the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds idlis in the box. He says "I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I find idlis in the box tommorow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die".

Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and says "If I find fish in my lunch box tommorow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of this building and die".

Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and says "If I find parathas in my box tommorow I am also going to jump and die".

The next day the three friends meet for lunch. Mallu opens his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies. The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the 20th floor and dies. Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also jumps from the 20th floor and dies

In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their colleagues, the Mallu's widow says "I did not know he hated idlis so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch".

The Bengali's widow says "I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed something else for his lunch".
The Sardarji's widow says "I do not understand what went wrong. My husband always prepared his own lunch!".

While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him. But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.
A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.

The sardar simply said "I am on my way to see a distant relative".

Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother and told her to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on
the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him "Arre Puttar, ki hoya?" (What Happened, My Son?)

The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)

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