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SARDAR JOKES - VOLUME 7

ON APPLYING FOR A VISA

Banta Singh and Santa Singh, the two famous friends not noted for their depth of intellectual aptitude, were applying for a visa to visit their relatives in the town of London, England. Banta was first interviewed by the officer in charge.

"Well, Mr. Singh, all we need to know is whether you have the mental resources to survive your trip to London", he said, demonstrating his cultural understanding of the applicant.

"Let's see, now - if I poke you with this pencil in your left eye, what will happen?
"I'll be blinded in my left, eye, sir".
"Very good, Mr. Singh. Now, if I poke you with the pencil in your right eye, what will happen?"
"I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all."
"Well, Mr. Singh, you've passed with flying colours. Enjoy your trip."

Banta then rejoined Santa in the waiting room, and described his experience.

"It was very easy. That very nice officer sahib asks you two questions, and the answers are "I'll be blinded in my left, eye, sir", and then "I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all", and then you will get the visa straight away."

So the second, and slightly more comprehension-impaired Santa Singh, went into the interview room. The officer took the same approach:

"What would happen if I took these scissors and cut off your left ear?"
"I'll be blinded in my left, eye, sir".
"Hmmm. What would happen if I cut off your your right ear?"
"I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all."

The officer was a little perplexed by these answers. "Now Mr. Singh, I find your answers very difficult to understand. How could it be that
cutting off your ears would have anything to do with your eyesight?"

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear - I should be explaining myself. If you cut off my left ear, my turban will fall down on the left side and cover my
left eye and I'll be blinded in one eye. And then if you cut off my right ear, my turban will also be falling down on the right side and I'll be blinded in my right eye and I won't be able to be seeing anything at all!"

Santa got his visa.

A Sardar once visits Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. The Sardar replies "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardar figured he was taken.

The next day the Sardar is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

A Surd was going by train from Delhi to Bombay. He kept getting off at every station to buy a ticket till the next station. When the train reached Delhi, the Surd's co-passengers asked him why he kept on buying tickets instead of buying a ticket for the entire. The Surd replied that his doctor had advised him against taking long journeys.

A Master Thief in London was giving a Coaching Class on Stealing and had students from all over the world. The Indian happened to be a Sardar. After several grueling classes on theory came the final and decisive class of all, a practical lab.

The master took all his pupils to a house nearby in the darkness of night and entered that. However, by mistake he overturned a vase.
Owner : Who's that?
Master: Miaooow...
The owner is satisfied and goes back to sleep. Mission accomplished.

The sardar is very impressed. Returning to Punjab, he decides to open a similar class for his fellow sardars. He does so and follows the same
schedule of theory classes.

Then he goes for the lab with his pupils. He enters the house of a rich sardar in darkness, and tells the other sardars,

"These are the various steps for stealing. You just observe." He then goes and overturns a vase.
Owner : Koun Hai ? ( Who's that ? )
Sardar : Mai Billi . ( I am a cat)
Owner : Oh, Billi ( Oh. A cat.)

...and goes back to sleep.

Repeated attempts prove futile as every time Banta opens the door, he finds the same Sardar in the exact same position. Not being able to take it anymore, he hunts down the conductor who happens to be another Sardar by the name of Santa Singh, and relates his sorry tale.

The Conductor Santa Singh promises to take a look, goes to the Bathroom to oust the offender, and returns with a sheepish look on his face. "What's wrong?", asks Banta. To which the conductor replies, "I'm sorry, brother I can’t do anything, this man is a railway staff member".

Santa Singh assures Banta Singh that his English skills are Better than Average, and that he'd take care of him in London.

Santa and Banta reach London, and pretty soon are sauntering down the middle of a fairly busy road. A Gori Mem pulls up behind them in her car and starts of in English, "You are jay-walking BLAH BLAH don't you have any regard for the traffic rules in this country, blah, blah".

Santa Singh turns around, looks at the Gori Mem, and starts rattling off the following at a fairly brisk pace:

"To the Principal, Government High secondary school, Village Noorpur, Post Office Noorpur, Tehsil Jalandhar, District Jalandhar, Punjab, India. Sir ... I am having severe stomach aches since yesterday, and my family doctor has recomended bed rest! .... Please grant me two days sick leave Your's Obediently .... Santa Singh."

The Gori is quite baffled at the sudden outburst from Santa Singh, and quitely gets into her car and leaves.

Banta Singh is amazed. He runs up to Santa and says "Oye Santa, tu taan phate chak dite"! Us gori de takkar di angrazi bol ke"
(You put that gori back in her place, your English sounds better than hers.)

Santa Shrugs off Banta and says:
"Oye yeh taa kuch bhi nahin, je jaada tain tain kardi na .... mainu 'Thirsty Crow' te 'Greedy Daag' Dono aande se dono suna dene se"
(That was only a sample, if she would have stuck around I would have recited 'thirsty crow' and 'Greedy dog' for her as well).

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