Welcome to my NEW and IMPROVED "In Quotes" page!

Here find a selection of quotes including some Xena quotes,
as well as a number of other great quotes.

All are worth a look!

If *you* have any good quotes, please send 'em on to me,
via email. Thanks!

The quotes are displayed most recent submissions to oldest...
scroll down and see them all!

Enjoy!
 

This page last updated on: March 07, 2000
 
 
 

Disclaimer: These quotes are posted as I received them from
the submitter. If any are offensive, I apologize.
 

Submitted by: me again

"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." - David Viscott

"One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go,
and duct tape to make them stop." - G. Weilacher

"Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant." - Unknown

"Who so loves believes the impossible." - Elizabeth Barett Browning

"An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies
of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout." - Unknown

"Hey sister, turn off the faucet, I wasn't born yesterday!" - Jack Styles

"Poker... I hardly even know her!" - Jack Styles
 
 

Submitted by: John 

When you kill a demon, may they darn well stay dead. -L. Lawless

Never attribute to malice, that which can be reasonably explained
by stupidity. -Spider Robinson

I may not agree with what you have to say,
but I will defend to the death your right to say it. -Voltaire

Never do yourself, what you can con professionals into doing for you. -Miles Vorkosigan

Shared joy is increased, shared pain is lessened. -Spider Robinson

Some 'unknown' type quotes submitted by: John

You!... Off my planet!

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

If a router falls in the network, who makes the loudest noise?

If it's really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don't bounce off when I shoot it?
 
 

To Whom It May Concern:

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined
that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is 2 persons at a
time--unless I install handrails or safety straps. As you have arrived
6th in line to ride my ass today, please take a number and wait your
turn.

Thank You.

(and I have more of these to add, too!)
 
 

Submitted by: Debra

A number from some of Lily Tomlin's best...

"Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God 
talks to us, we're said to be schizophrenic?"

"Men learned to walk upright so they would have their hands free to 
masturbate"

"I always wanted to be a 'somebody' when I grew up ... I should have been 
more specific"

"What if I am living up to my potential?"
 
 

Submitted by: Ceinwein

Evil-Willow - "This is the part that's less fun. When there isn't any screaming."

Evil-Willow - "This is a dumb world. In my world, there are people in chains,
and we can ride them like ponies."

Evil-Willow - "Want to be bad?"

Willow - "This just can't get more disturbing."

Callisto - "Such a pretty day for a blood bath."

Callisto - "You don't just kill me and walk away!"

Callisto - "You know I don't drink intoxicants Theodorus."
Theodorus - "I thought maybe just this once..."
Callisto - "No, I like to experience life in all it's agonizing glory.
I don't want to dull the sensations in any way."

Callisto - "Hello, Xena, oh how I've missed you. Do you know how boring Tartarus can be?
Same old torture, every day, every day. Makes me appreciate what we had."

Dr. Evil - "Welcome to my underground lair."

Monty Pyton's Flying Circus - "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."
 
 

Submitted by: me, again

"I don't think so, Tim" - Al Borland to Tim Taylor, from just about every episode
of Home Improvement where Tim asks Al to do something really stupid...!
 
 

Submitted by: The Visitor

Here's one from the low-budget movie SIX STRING SAMURAI, between a villain 
and the film's hereo, Buddy:

Villain: "If I were you, I'd run!"
Buddy: "If you were me, you'd be good lookin'."

And of course Ash, from Army of Darkness: "Gimme some sugar, baby."
 
 

Submitted by:Joanne

"You've picked the wrong woman to get rough with" - Xena, Sins of the Past 
 
 

Submitted by: Philocleon

A conversation between Lady Astor and Sir Winston Churchill...

Lady Astor: Lord Churchill, you're drunk.
Winston: And you madam, are ugly. But I'll be sober tomorrow.

Lady Astor: Lord Churchill, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee.
Winston: Madam, if I were your husband, I'd gladly drink it.
 
 

Submitted by: well, me!

"I love the smell of warrior sweat in the morning" - Xena, in The Furies

"I'll rise, but I refuse to shine!" - Gabrielle, in Been There, Done That

"Those boots, that leather, those legs... Xena!" - Salmoneus, in The Black Wolf

"Love is a trick that nature plays to get us to reproduce" - Callisto, from Return of Callisto

Gabrielle - "I fell down a hole..."
Xena - "Yeah, what is it with you and holes?" - from Paradise Found

"But the bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them,
glory and danger alike, and yet not withstanding go out and meet it" - Thucydides

"Those who dare, win" - SAS motto

"D'oh!" - Homer Simpson, from The Simpsons

"If at first you don't succeed... neeeeever try" - Homer Simpson, from The Simpsons

"But I was using my whole ass...!" - Homer Simpson, from The Simpsons
 
 

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