Forgive and Re-Member!

The Seventh Sunday after Epiphany
February 18, 2001

By
The Rev. Ann M. Smith

Based on Luke 6:27-38

Joseph has every reason to hate his brothers. In their jealousy, they have sold him into slavery in Egypt. They have made up a story that they relate to their father about his death. Now the tale comes full circle. They find themselves face to face with Joseph. He is no longer a little boy wearing a special coat. He is a powerful ruler who holds their life and death in his hands. They can hardly believe what they are hearing. "And now do not be distressed, or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here;" he says, "for God sent me before you to preserve life." They have been carrying a terrible burden of guilt. Joseph's few short words have made all the difference. The load of guilt has fallen away from them. The terrible deeds of the past have worked out for good. Forgiveness is offered. Forgiveness is experienced.

What an extraordinary thing it is to experience forgiveness! It is no less amazing for the one forgiven than for the one doing the forgiving. It brings the two people back into relationship with one another. That said, reconciliation is not easily achieved. It takes one person's willingness to offer forgiveness; it takes the other's willingness to admit wrongdoing and to make amends.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." And then later in the passage, "Forgive, and you will be forgiven." It is not an easy passage to accept. It is one with which we must all struggle. It is one with which I have personally grappled. On the one hand, it seems to say that our forgiveness from God is dependent upon our being forgiving. "If you are forgiving, then I will forgive you. If you are not, then forget it." That is not the experience of Joseph's brothers. That is not my experience of a loving God who accepts me for who I am.

It is clearly not about falling in love with one's enemies. We will never feel for our enemies as we do for our friends. It is also not about condoning abuse. Heaven knows that it has been used for that purpose! How many women have been told to forgive what has happened and go back to their abusive husbands? We read so often in the paper about the terrible consequences of such advice. I have listened to women struggling to recover from childhood sexual abuse who have been told to forgive the perpetrator and simply get on with their lives. I say women not because men are never abused, but because my experience has been with women. "How can I be part of a church," they say to me, "that tells me that I must forgive? I cannot forgive. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive. I don't know if I want to forgive." Forgiveness is the last thing we should be asking them to find in their hearts.

This passage needs to be interpreted in its most idealistic sense. Reacting with violence only breeds more violence. The Christian way rises above getting even. God has withheld judgement from us. We are called to extend love even to those who do not seem to deserve it. When faced with the hateful actions of others, can we create the climate in which forgiveness and reconciliation can happen? Resisting evil without using evil is a dilemma for the Christian. But it is the most powerful agent of healing. And in the case of people who have suffered abuse part of the healing process for them may be finding a way to forgive.

We say in the Lord's Prayer, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Those words affirm that it is through forgiving others that we find forgiveness. Modern psychology understands that same thing. We are not in a position to accept forgiveness, to forgive ourselves, if we cannot offer it. Hate is corrosive. It damages us.

Love on the other hand brings about healing. One becomes less and less given to hating as one becomes more and more given to loving. Forgiving gives an opportunity for the one being forgiven to enter into communion with us, to become a part of the community. Jesus on the cross said, "Father forgive them..." In the midst of his pain and anguish he did not hold back forgiveness. There was no qualification. It was freely given. It was given to all. It was not withheld from those who did not repent.

We often say that it is important to forgive and forget. But it is far more important to forgive and re-member. Forgiveness makes it possible for the community to come back together, to be united, one with the other, to be a community in every sense of the word.

What is this re-membering? An Indian woman was known for the beauty of the carpets she wove. No two were ever alike. People came from miles around to purchase her carpets. "How ever do you come up with such beautiful designs?" they would ask her. You must spend hours taking out your mistakes."

"When I mistake," she told them, "I never undo it. I change the pattern. My mistake becomes part of the beauty of my design."

Our mistakes too can become part of the beauty of God's design, a God who forgives and who calls us to be forgiving, to reflect Godly love, to call others back into communion and to truly be instruments of love. Amen.