Constructive Criticism

This is a short story that I wrote, about my writing of a murder scene for a mystery novel; The Jewelry Murders. Both drafts of the scene are available, if you are interested. If you have any comments, or wish to read the scenes, please email me at tag@myna.com (there are email links at the bottom of the document).

That Wednesday was a day that I don't think I'll ever forget.

It was my second year at the Canadian Young Author's Camp (CYAC), and I had spent the better part of the morning working on my assignment from Paul; Paul Kropp, who writes young people's novels.

He had driven Peter, Martin and myself (the three of us being the only ones in the novel workshop) to Haliburton in the morning, to teach us a little something about research. Our assignment was to write a murder scene that took place in Haliburton, with the victim being killed by an unusual weapon. We were to spend 1-1/2 hours walking around the town to find the location and the weapon, and we were to ask lots of questions; about the town, our choice of murder weapons, and the people. "If you tell them you're writing a murder mystery," Paul told us, "most people will gladly help."

Once that was finished, we returned to Camp Timberlane, and Paul told us to have the scene written for our last workshop, the next day.

I had decided to write about the discovery of the corpse. The location of the scene was the fountain in the park, just by the lake, and the murder weapon was a necklace. I think I must have written for about three-quarters of an hour, and when I was finished, I had 2-1/2 pages, single-spaced.

By this time, lunch was over, and it was our free time, so I decided to solicit someone's opinion; preferably that of one of the authors. I wandered down to the docks, and found Janet, the camp director, relaxing there. I handed the scene to her and asked her to please read and criticize it.

I hadn't anticipated the result.

I had expected, naturally enough, since I considered her a friend, that she would say it was nice, well thought out, and that she liked the idea of a necklace as the murder weapon. But it wasn't that way at all.

Instead, Janet pointed out that, number one, my character should have had at least a vague idea about who the victim might be before she arrived at the scene, and number two, I didn't do the murder scene justice. My character, a private detective, was using only her eyes. She should have been using all her senses, in order to help her discover what had happened. Where were the smells, the noises, the textures? Why hadn't I described them as well?

I managed to thank her for her help, get up, and start heading toward my cabin before the tears came.

The only thing I could think of was, 'How could she do this to me?! This is something I've written, I've worked on, and she insulted it!'

I must have spent half an hour crying my eyes out before I couldn't cry any more. Luckily, everyone else was out playing, so I didn't have to explain why I was so upset.

Then, with the calm that comes when you've cried yourself ragged, I picked up the scene and began to reread it. And you know what? Janet was right!

Now that she'd pointed these things out to me, I saw that she had been absolutely correct - the scene didn't work; it was unfinished, incomplete. So I rewrote it.

I picked up a pen, marked the places that I was going to change, and started making additions.

By the time I was finished, near dinnertime, the paper was a mess of scribbled writing, and I was feeling strangely content, as though I'd gotten rid of a great weight on my heart. I was also much more satisfied with the scene, and, when I read it the next morning to Paul, Peter, and Martin, they approved of it as well. Now I really had something to be proud of.

I hope that you enjoyed Constructive Criticism. Please send me any comments, suggestions, and/or constructive criticism you might have, in order to help me improve both Constructive Criticism and my other stories.

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Last modified June 26, 1996.
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Trudy A. Goold/tag@myna.com