Choppy-choppy

 
A big part of the WWF's turn to more "adult" material has been the inclusion of sex in the storylines. And who better to represent sex in the WWF than the rasslin' porn star, Val Venis? Val shook things up not long after his WWF debut at the start of 1998. He put the moves on the wife of Yamaguchi-san, the manager of Japanese tag-team Kaientai. First, Val made out with her on the rampway at Raw. That was a little ridiculous. What followed from there went from ridiculous to absolutely bizarre. Yamaguchi-san wasn't too happy to see his wife with Val. Well, Val felt so bad about it, he made an "adult movie" with Mrs. Yamaguchi and played a vignette on Raw for Yamaguchi-san and Kaientai to see. Yamaguchi-san went apoplectic as he slipped into World War Two era evil Japanese mode. He gathered his boys on Raw, and promised revenge. "I choppy-choppy your pee-pee, HA-HA-HA," said Yamaguchi-san in his best engrish. His Kaientai fought Venis and tag partner Taka Michinoku on Raw. Well, you could see it coming. Michinoku turned on Val, claiming that Mrs. Yamaguchi was his sister. Grrrrrrroan. Anyway, the Japanese boys abducted the homewrecking Venis. They brought him into the back for a very special circumcision. The above pic shows Val over a butcher's block about to be choppy-choppied by a sword-wielding Yamaguchi-san. Suddenly, the lights went out, and the storyline went from bizarre to surreal. The next week on Raw, Val showed up with Mrs. Yamaguchi and John Bobbitt. For those of you who don't know who John Bobbitt is, well, he's the gent who made international headlines after his wife Lorena cut off his penis back in June 1993. (Don't feel so bad, doctors were able to sew it back on.) Anyway, Val said that because of the shrinkage caused by the cold butcher's block and the timely intervention of Bobbitt, his pee-pee was saved. This didn't stop Val from making more movies. He pulled the same crap with Marlena, wife of Dustin "Goldust" Runnels, and later with Ken Shamrock's sister. You have to wonder what else can be done with Val's character. He's been through the same story over and over again, suggesting that early into his WWF tenure, Val blew his load.
 

Bring out yer dead

 
Just when you think the WWF's gone as far as it can, it quite literally drags this one out. That pic shows Paul Wight, The Big Show, riding a coffin behind a car being driven by the Big Boss Man. Yup. That's right. The story went something like this: Wight's dad was dying of cancer, and Boss Man teased him about it. He mocked him in one of the most tasteless displays I've ever seen. Finally, Wight's dad "died", and the WWF went to the funeral to shoot the proceedings. Boss Man showed up and hit on Wight's mom. He then ran over Wight, and attached a chain to the coffin. He then dragged it away. This was supposed to get the fans all worked up for a hot feud between the two wrestlers. All it did is show the WWF will do anything to earn a buck. Even if that anything includes having a yuck at a deadly disease and its consequences. Makes you long for the days of the Gobbledy-Gooker.
 

Degeneration X

 
Quite possibly the most offensive wrestling group of all time. Whether led by Shawn Michaels or Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Degeneration X has pushed things far past the boundaries of good taste. But this seems to be a good thing for them. Asses exposed, calling each other "jerk-offs" live on the air, DX gathered quite a following. This group has made the crotch-chop standard behavior in many school yards. "Suck it" has become the cry of a new generation. There is something disturbingly homoerotic about the whole group, particularly when it was led by Michaels, who would often comment about the size of HHH's genitalia.
 

The Godfather

 
Hey, if you thought that Papa Shango was offensive, then check out what Papa evolved into. In the new WWF, the one-time voodoo master became master of prostitutes: The Godfather, wrestling pimp. It's fairly one-dimensional. The Godfather comes to the ring, and offers the services of his whores. Then he wrestles.  

Sexual Chocolate

 
To the right of that young lady's butt, you can see Mark Henry, former US Olympian. Henry, not much of a wrestler, has a great camera presence. So the superheavyweight became wrestling's version of South Park's Chef character. Always looking for booty. In one shocking segment, he was shown getting oral sex from a transvestite. The above pic shows Henry at a peeler bar. If you find it offensive, take it up with the two networks who burned their logos into the shot: The USA Network and TSN. They showed this segment in prime time.
 

The Double-Cross

 
This is perhaps the single-most infamous moment in WWF history. On November 9, 1997, Bret Hart was double-crossed live on pay-per-view. It was no angle. It was not part of the storyline. Hart was on his way out of the WWF. About a month earlier, Vince McMahon asked Hart to leave. He told Bret that he could no longer afford to keep him in the company. At the time, McMahon was losing the ratings war to WCW. There was speculation (and that's all it was, speculation) that the WWF was in danger of financial collapse. So, Hart agreed to leave. He signed a deal with WCW. But there were a few problems. Hart was the sitting WWF World champion, and McMahon didn't want it to get out that his title holder was on his way to the competition. So, McMahon asked Hart to drop the belt at Survivor Series. Hart didn't want to, because the man he was supposed to lose to was Shawn Michaels, someone he had a genuine dislike for. Hart was also reluctant because of the location of the event: Montreal. Hart didn't want to lose in Canada. Hart wanted to step down on Raw the night after Survivor Series. So McMahon told him that he didn't have to lose to Michaels. Well, about 17 minutes into the Survivor Series match with Michaels, Hart was momentarily trapped in the sharpshooter. McMahon ordered the bell to be sounded, as if Hart gave up. Of course, he didn't. Realising what had just happened, Hart got up, and spat on McMahon. There was a legitimate confrontation in the locker room. The whole sordid affair is chronicled in the movie Hitman Hart: Wrestling With Shadows. At the time, it looked like a public relations nightmare. In truth, it was a blessing. In the months after the infamous double-cross, McMahon turned the incident into an angle. He became the untrustworthy and evil owner of the WWF. And in doing so, he became the perfect foil for the mega-popular Steve Austin. The McMahon-Austin feud was the hottest thing in wrestling in 1998. And it turned around the ratings war.
 

Really big breasts

 
Homoeroticism aside, it was Degeneration X that convinced this young woman to lift her top on Raw. Yes, she took it a step further and unfastened the bra (and no, I don't have a picture of that). This incident may have been pre-arranged, I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised. After all, breasts have become as big a part of the new WWF. Yeah, it's North American wrestling tradition to use women for skin shows, but the WWF has taken it further than ever. Marlena, Debra McMichael and Jacqueline have taken prominent roles as breasty managers. In fact, Jacqueline went topless at a U.K. pay-per-view. You can argue that it's not so bad, because Europeans aren't as uptight about nudity as we North Americans. However, one of Jackie's breasts popped out at the North American ppv show Fully Loaded. Marlena, McMichael and Jackie gathered quite a following by showing off their assets, but none of them personify the WWF sex & violence era like...
 

Sable & her friends

 
For a time, the WWF's late '90s recovery could be measured in comparison to Sable's breasts, which grew several times while she was in the Federation. How many boob jobs can one woman have? It was amazing to see this woman become one of the WWF's more successful personalities on the strength of her implants. Even more amazing was that she tried to wrestle with those things. Having Sable expose herself to make money may not send out the right message, but I guess it beat the days of old when the largest breasts in wrestling belonged to Abdullah the Butcher.
 

Jeff Jarrett, woman beater

 
Talk about offensive. In the buildup to the September '99 pay-per-view, Unforgiven, WWF Intercontinental champ Jeff Jarrett turned into a monster. Set to take on female phenom Chyna, Jarrett was booked to beat on every woman he could get his hands on. Jarrett put the figure-four leglock on several women, including Chyna, Ivory, the WWF makeup lady, Cindy Margolis and Debra (pictured). Hmm... you have to wonder how many moms with little boys watching got black eyes because of this. Let's hail the WWF for rearing the next generation of misogynists.
 

Kane

 
When you go back to watch some of The Undertaker's first matches (late in 1990), you'll hear the man billed as Kane the Undertaker. Of course, fast forward seven years, and you'll hear another wrestler billed as Kane, a guy who is supposed to be Undertaker's brother. So, either we're supposed to believe that their parents liked the name so much that they used it twice, or something's awful goofy here. Well, actually, there's no doubt that something's awful goofy here. Shortly before Kane debuted (and ruined the finish of what could have been the 1997 match of the year: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker in a cage) long-time Undertaker manager Paul Bearer came forward with the soap opera story of the year. He said that Undie's long-dead brother was alive. And he added that Undie killed his parents. Huh? Well, in a terribly acted scene, Undie admitted to playing with matches as a kid and burning down his parents' funeral home. He thought his brother and parents died in the fire. But he was wrong -- Kane was badly burned, but survived. Paul Bearer said he raised Kane (pardon the pun) all these years, and that Kane was coming for revenge. Ugh. This was supposed to generate heat, but Kane got a luke-warm reaction at best. As the months passed and Kane's matches with Undie got stranger and stranger, the fans warmed up to him. He won the WWF title for a day, a blight on the title's lineage. The whole thing was (and is) pretty damn stupid, even by wrestling standards.
 

Crucifying Steve Austin

 
The Undertaker is already in the Hall of Shame as a Minor Crime. But the new direction his character took at the end of 1998 deserves special mention here. Undie was thrown into a feud with Steve Austin. And instead of trying to outwrestle Stone Cold, Undie just tried to out-weird him. He became a cult-like figure, complete with his Acolytes, Farooq and Justin Bradshaw. Undertaker tried to embalm Austin. And on one occasion, he strapped Austin to a large symbol in a mock crucifixion. Some people were disgusted because the incident brought to mind the crucifixion of Christ. From here, Undie went about becoming even stranger. He used his Acolytes to capture one of the Godwinns. Undie performed a bizarre ceremony on Raw, in which he used a knife to carve his symbol into the Godwinn boy's chest. The knife was fake of course, as was the blood. But it was remarkable to watch. Not because fans were viewing a dark ritual on air, but because Undie was trying to make a Godwinn interesting.
 

Miss Kitty goes too far

 
At the Armageddon '99 pay-per-view, the WWF put its Women's title on the line in a degrading match. Four women got in a small pool and ripped each other's dresses off. The only woman not to lose her dress won. Well, I suppose that was the only way a non-athlete like Miss Kitty could take the belt. She emerged victorious (if it's possible for anyone to emerge victorious in such a degrading display), and proceeded to thrill the crowd by taking off her dress, and then, her bra. The WWF said Kitty did it on her own. Yeah, sure. Could Kitty's stripping have been the WWF's reaction to the pressure it was under from lobby groups who were telling advertisers not to buy time on WWF television programs? Nah. Kitty probably just wanted to air out her puppies. Uh-huh. And she must have given the woman standing beside her some ideas, because a month later we were treated to...
 

Mae Young, topless

 
This one was simply off the charts. At Royal Rumble 2000, we were shown more Mae Young than we could ever want to see. Mae was a late entry to a swimsuit competition at the Rumble. She got in the ring, and the 79-year-old woman unzipped her top, and showed her shrivelled puppies to the New York crowd. Several times. It was a truly disgusting display. In fact, there were questions about whether the WWF broke any New York decency laws, or violated its agreement with Madison Square Garden by showing a nude woman. But wait, said the WWF. She wasn't really nude, she was wearing a prosthetic.
 
Oh, well, that makes it okay, then...
 
Anyway, Mae was far from done. At the time of this disgusting display, Mae was "pregnant" with Mark Henry's baby. So, a few weeks later we got to see this blessed event...
 

Mae gives birth

 
This whole angle poisoned several good WWF broadcasts in early 2000. The Federation was on fire, with great wrestlers, compelling matches, and incredible ratings. That Mae and Henry were an item was laughable. But to see them in several intimate moments on Raw and Smackdown was just, well... weird. Over the course of several weeks, we got to see the two lovebirds get close. We were witness to the announcement that Mae was expecting. We got to see the two of them hop in the sack together. We got to see Henry give Mae several presents in anticipation of the birth of their child -- including a breast pump. It all came to a head about three months into Mae's "pregnancy." She came to the ring to help Henry beat up Crash Holly. Mae bodysplashed Holly, and started clutching her stomach in pain. Mae was about to give birth prematurely. Really prematurely. The screaming Mae was simply rolled on to a gurney and taken to the back. An EMT assisted in the delivery while Henry, The Fabulous Moolah, Pat Patterson and Jerry Brisco watched on. As Mae lay there with her feet in stirrups, the laughs were non-stop. Mae demanded a cigar before launching the kid into the world. Brisco found one in about five seconds. Mae lit up as Henry assured the EMT that Mae was pregnant, even though when asked, Mae said she hadn't had a period in 43 years. Then, Brisco peeked under the sheet for a look at Mae's goodies and nearly puked. Ha-ha. It would only get better from there. The EMT attempted the delivery as Mae squirmed and grunted. The offspring was not ready to be sprung, so Patterson handed the EMT a pair of vice grips he happened to carry for just such an occasion. Mae grunted, the EMT went to work, and then... Mae farted. Ha!!! Wow. Funny. Finally, the delivery was complete. The EMT held up Mae's child, which was just... a hand. A hand covered in goop.